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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been bought a very expensive present I don't want and can't return

134 replies

Gresley · 17/01/2026 18:53

After not speaking to me for 25 years, my sister has recently become very friendly with me again for no apparent reason, and for Christmas ordered me a new electric bike online. The parcel was gigantic so impossible to return. I didn't desperately want an electric bike and had said I would buy a secondhand one to see how I got on, but she sprang this surprise on me. Now that I've tried it I find I really can't get on with it (my arse was in agony) and don't want it. Should I (a) sell it? I've been offered just over a third of the original price by a local dealer;(b) give it to someone else? In both of those cases, should I (c) pretend I've still got it or be honest about getting rid of it, and even offer to pay back the money she paid for it? Or (d) keep it and leave it to rot in the shed and send her AI photos of all the lovely places I've been on it (not that I'd know how to use AI)? I think that If she knew I'd got rid of it she wouldn't speak to me for another 25 years.

OP posts:
tinyspiny · 17/01/2026 19:39

Try padded shorts and a different saddle and if you still don’t like it ask your sister if she wants it back , politely , as in ‘I’ve tried it but I’m not getting on with it so that she can see that you appreciated the thought behind it .

TicTac80 · 17/01/2026 19:41

Wow, that's a hell of gift! I'd def change the saddle (go to a bike shop and see what is available to try out), then get it all set up and adjusted for your comfort and take it out over a few nice days to really try it out (and then make a decision after some weeks/months of having it).

FWIW, my electric bike is bloody fab - makes me feel like I'm 18 again, and I can tackle the evil hills without a sweat (or dying under a bush somewhere). The panniers mean I can throw in a grocery shop. I'm having serious thoughts about getting rid of my car and just using the bike. Traffic and parking around here is bloody awful, and most of my journeys are within a 5mile radius of home. I did lots of tweaks to mine over the early weeks and months, to get it just how I wanted it.

If after giving it a fair go, you don't like it/want it, then talk to your sister about best way forward.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/01/2026 19:45

Get the padded bicycle shorts and if ..like me..you didn't know this wear them straight on with no knickers..its life changing!! Keep the bike as it's not a great time of the year but come the Spring it will be brilliant

fivetriangulartrees · 17/01/2026 19:45

In my comparable situation I did d) but without the fake photos. Trouble is I now have a large, expensive object taking up space in my house that no longer works so is worthless and I have no means to dispose of it. If you're sure you're not getting on with it, I recommend getting rid of it before it loses all its value.

(Edited for typo)

Favouritefruits · 17/01/2026 19:45

I agree with PP shove it in the garage, take a few pictures over spring and summer to share with your sister then facebook marketplace it!

Mirrorx · 17/01/2026 19:46

If it's something you might have enjoyed if not for the sore arse, persevere. It's amazing how quickly you get used to sitting on the saddle, you jus need to build up gradually.

Aplstrudl · 17/01/2026 19:47

You can buy padded seats. When I first got in a bike I felt like my bits had just given birth!!! Persevere!!

cocopopps75 · 17/01/2026 19:48

Buy a new seat

Original poster
Gresley · 17/01/2026 19:49

I'm definitely not trying to make a point. If I was, I would have told her straight away that I didn't want it. The reasons we fell out were complicated, but I always wanted to see her and she didn't want to see me. It hurt like hell for many years, but I eventually got over being sent to Coventry by her. I am unlikely ever to see her again as she lives abroad and has shown no desire to come back here. She visited within 20 miles when over here during that 25 years but never a word to me. Part of me is angry that she thinks she can gloss over that 25 years with an expensive present. She's rich anyway so the cost means far less to her than it does to me. I want to stay friends with her, and not cause another rift, but quite honestly, it would mean nothing to me if I never heard from her again. I can't trust her not to ghost me again if I said anything wrong.
As for the bike, I should say I don't feel safe on the road these days. I am an experienced cyclist and know I could just buy another saddle. But I feel as though I'll just be throwing good money after bad, what with buying a helmet, panniers, etc etc. And I would live in fear of it getting stolen, even though I've got Gold standard locks. I just don't want the hassle. I'd rather someone had it who actually wants it and would appreciate it.

OP posts:
Clefable · 17/01/2026 19:49

You need to break your bum in if you haven’t cycled for a long time! It can take a couple of weeks of use for your arse to adjust but then it’s often fine after that. Otherwise a different saddle won’t be too expensive.

somanychristmaslights · 17/01/2026 19:50

I think whatever she’d have bought you, you wouldn’t have liked. It’s not about the bike…

SunMoonandChocolate · 17/01/2026 19:54

If you don't feel safe on the road these days OP, why did you say you were thinking of buying a second hand bike to try? It seems like you gave your sister the impression this was something you wanted, and are now complaining that she's bought it for you, and very nice brand new one at that. There definitely seems to be something else going on here.

Pavementworrier · 17/01/2026 19:57

Bin it - electric bikes are a menace

Somersetbaker · 17/01/2026 20:11

You need a ladies saddle, ideally a Brooks B17, it will be uncomfortable at first and needs looking after, a bit like a good pair of boots, but the end result will be worth it. Strangely women have different anatomy to men. especially in the pelvic area, so need wider saddles. What you don't need is a sprung mattress or you will use a lot of energy bouncing up and down.

ReignOfError · 17/01/2026 20:23

Agree with most others: take it to a decent bike shop and ask for help to make sure the bike is set properly for your riding position, and possibly to get a saddle that suits you better. And a gel saddle cover, just because I love mine to bits.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/01/2026 20:32

OP this is a you thing... you arent happy with the relationship.
The bike is a metaphor for the relationship

You wanted a bike. (Contact with your sister)
She got you a bike. (She made Contact )
It hurts your arse. (It isnt the Contact you want)
Mn: Here are a hundred ways to prevent your arse hurting
OP: oh actually its that I dont like cycling on the roads...
🤔🤔🤔
So we go down the....
Mn: here are 101 places to cycle not on the road
OP: I only very specifically wanted it for my commute (or whatever)
Blah blah blah.
(it will very sadly never be the Contact you want)

Your problem is your relationship with her not the bike. The bike is a bulky reminder and the bike makes you sad.

💐💐💐💐

Uhghg · 17/01/2026 20:38

From your update, I would keep it for a bit so you can decide what you want to do.

Then I’d sell it/give it away and pretend to her that you still have it.

It does sound like you are making excuses - you are the one who wanted a bike but now you’re saying you feel unsafe.
You don’t want it but you don’t want it being stolen.

As the PP said, this is more about your relationship with your sister.
Take her out of the equation when considering whether you want the bike or not.

665theneighborofthebeast · 17/01/2026 20:45

Meh. Sell it.
She doesn't know you or what you want because she didn't want to put the effort in for 25 years.
She's now bought you an expensive gift to make herself feel better. This gift clearly has nothing to do with you, its all about her. Her conscience, her perception of you. Her idea of what this should do for your relationship.
Sucks to be wrong.
Sell it and and be you, maybe she'll learn something about the real you? ( Probably not, but if she's annoyed , well that would be about her again)

BunnyLake · 17/01/2026 20:47

Is there any need to get rid straight away? Can you keep it for a while, maybe take it for a ‘walk’ round the neighbourhood taking some selfies with it and send to her. Then a bit further down the line sell it.

@665theneighborofthebeast has made some really good points

AdarajamesAgain · 17/01/2026 20:51

def try a different seat, and if you still don't get on with it, you can give it to me to try out as I'd like to but can't afford it and if I get a sore arse too, then I'll pass it on to the next in line and so on and so on! 😉 😆

GAJLY · 17/01/2026 21:09

RockaLock · 17/01/2026 18:54

Could you try a different saddle first, maybe a more padded one, and see if that makes a difference?

I agree with this. I changed the seat on mine and it worked.

PeloMom · 17/01/2026 22:14

After reading your update, if I were you I’ll try list it for sale once the weather is warmer and people are looking for bikes more. You’ll likely get a better price (from my experience).

ThisElatedShark · 17/01/2026 22:19

Do you still want a second hand one or was the whole idea a mistake?

Neveranynamesleft · 17/01/2026 22:20

If she didn't speak to you for 25 years before and you seem to have managed to get on with your life without her why should it bother you what she thinks if you sell it. It's your bike, she gave it to you. Do what you want with it.

WallaceinAnderland · 17/01/2026 22:22

I would sell it and if she asked I would tell her I sold it because I tried it and didn't like it.