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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would i be unreasonable to report this person faking a life using old colleagues photos?

122 replies

Shamper · 17/01/2026 11:59

I've name changed because every single detail in this is identifying and I tried to change details but then it didnt make sense

I used to work as an usher in London theatres, I left a few years ago but have lots of links still in that world. I then joined in an unrelated local group where I met Sally who is currently an Usher in london. We became facebook friends (and i cant see she has any theatre friends on there), and she wouldn't know I know a lot about theatre .

Sally's facebook is full of her pretending to be very good friends with low level actors which is absolutely not true.

For example today she's posted a thing about a present they've given her, her talking about days out with them etc, their nicknames for her. She's taking photos off their socials eg of the actor and friends on a night out, or of a group of drinks they've posted and saying "such a great night" or "the blue drink was mine" or a video and saying "we all nearly died of laughing when this happened". Some of it is just random eg she will share their videos of a spider they saw and say its a spider she saw but its a daily occurrence.

She seems particularly fixed on one person, luke. She has photos of her with luke at stage door, and has worked on some shows with him but her feed is full of odd things about their days out together, eg he will post a picture at a park, she will take a photo in her garden and then share them together as "best day out with my lukey". This includes pictures of one of his baby nephews and pretending she's been babysitting (again using photos from their social media)

These aren't high level actors or leads its mostly ensemble members so most people commenting on her posts don't seem to have recognised them, and are commenting normal stuff like this is really happening but mostly it seems just ignoring it. I cant see anyone that's obviously linked to productions that would be seeing it so I feel uneasy.

If I was an actor working most days in the same building as someone that had this whole pretend life with me, I would feel uncomfortable and probably not be taking selfies etc at stage door. I would want to know.

I would be less worried if she was a randomer doing it with someone really obviously famous like pretending to lunch with Tom Holland, but its inexperienced actors who might not have the same sense of stranger danger, dont have any special protection or training and that she actually works in the same building ocassionally.

I obviously suspect Sally has some sort of neurodiversity or possibly low level learning needs, she lives alone, holds down a job etc but does seem a bit vulnerable.

Would you go to the theatre company employers (ushers work for a group usually) or directly alert the actor (s)? I'm linked enough i can pm him on social media. Her family are on her social media but maybe they are just playing along?

I feel really mean because she's obviously really enjoying her job but equally wtf?

OP posts:
SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 19/01/2026 20:02

Hope this will not become another
"Play Misty For Me"

Joking aside. l think she is very sad and needs help qnd could be commiting some kind of digital identity or imperonsation image offence/crime

I wouldn't mention to the actors or peolple concerned yet but definitely to your Manager.

Laura95167 · 19/01/2026 23:20

Sally might be nuts

But none of it is your business or concern

Just block her

Phoenixfire1988 · 20/01/2026 10:23

She sounds utterly unhinged !!! I'm getting baby reindeer vibes it could be harmless now but it may not stay that way .
If this was the other way round people would be going mad not telling you to leave it .

Gossipisgood · 20/01/2026 11:00

Baby Reindeer springs to mind. It all sounds like harmless fantasy on hr part but if you know the actor well enough, show him the posts so he's aware so he can do whatever he feels is right for himself..

PunishmentSnart · 22/01/2026 13:42

I've just read this thread and can't believe people are saying to leave her to it and she's probably just lonely.

I have younger family and had friends in this industry and they would most likely be horrified if this was happening to them.

It's properly weird and I think Luke needs to be told.

Shamper · 22/01/2026 14:51

I've told him.

I created a different insta and messaged him directly. He hasn't read it yet, so I'll give it a couple more days before I contemplate what to do if he doesnt read unsolicited messages.

The conversations here helped because while I was a bit unsure, the more people told me to leave them too it the more worried I realised I am

I did it from a different one because I wasn't sure if he might think I was a crazy stalker/over involved as a previous person said. I also really didnt want it to be linked to me by her firstly I dont want her to create some sort of backlash and she's clearly a bit unpredictable, and secondly I think she's genuinely lonely and I dont want to taint the craft group for either of us.

I didnt feel right about contacting the company. I dont know why, it seemed more like an angle to get her fired. At least directly to him he can consider his social media if needed but also be aware if he is in the same building as her / meeting her at stage door

In general I think its thrown me so much because for me it is like doing it to Carl from accounts rather than a "celeb" like danny from mcfly

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 22/01/2026 15:08

Shamper · 22/01/2026 14:51

I've told him.

I created a different insta and messaged him directly. He hasn't read it yet, so I'll give it a couple more days before I contemplate what to do if he doesnt read unsolicited messages.

The conversations here helped because while I was a bit unsure, the more people told me to leave them too it the more worried I realised I am

I did it from a different one because I wasn't sure if he might think I was a crazy stalker/over involved as a previous person said. I also really didnt want it to be linked to me by her firstly I dont want her to create some sort of backlash and she's clearly a bit unpredictable, and secondly I think she's genuinely lonely and I dont want to taint the craft group for either of us.

I didnt feel right about contacting the company. I dont know why, it seemed more like an angle to get her fired. At least directly to him he can consider his social media if needed but also be aware if he is in the same building as her / meeting her at stage door

In general I think its thrown me so much because for me it is like doing it to Carl from accounts rather than a "celeb" like danny from mcfly

Can you explain why you ignored the much simpler action of talking to your mutual friend instead of going to all the trouble of making a whole new account and pretending to be a mystery concerned party?

Can you see why this might look like you wanting to weave yourself into the drama and are actually enjoying it rather than being worried?

bigboykitty · 22/01/2026 15:11

I mean it takes about a minute to set up an account, so there's that. I also wouldn't want the faker to know my identity if I'd exposed her fakery. Why do you think your way is better @Isittimeformynapyet or that the OP needs to explain her decision?

TiggerAndHobbes · 22/01/2026 15:22

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/01/2026 15:08

Can you explain why you ignored the much simpler action of talking to your mutual friend instead of going to all the trouble of making a whole new account and pretending to be a mystery concerned party?

Can you see why this might look like you wanting to weave yourself into the drama and are actually enjoying it rather than being worried?

I don’t think she needs to explain herself to you.

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/01/2026 15:23

bigboykitty · 22/01/2026 15:11

I mean it takes about a minute to set up an account, so there's that. I also wouldn't want the faker to know my identity if I'd exposed her fakery. Why do you think your way is better @Isittimeformynapyet or that the OP needs to explain her decision?

She doesn't have to do anything.

My opinion, since she's actually asking for opinions, is to take the simplest course of action, which (again imo) would have been saying to the mutual friend "what do you make of this woman's behaviour? Do you think Luke needs to know about? I think he does, but the woman is in my craft class and I really don't want to make things awkward there".

Just in case you are now going to accuse me of insisting the OP use my words verbatim I should probably point out that I mean "something along these lines".

Glitterella · 22/01/2026 15:33

@Isittimeformynapyet because it provides anonymity and avoids personal backlash and still gets the message delivered. I would say that this way is the opposite of weaving yourself in by involving another party (ie the mutual friend) to deliver the message.

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/01/2026 15:45

Glitterella · 22/01/2026 15:33

@Isittimeformynapyet because it provides anonymity and avoids personal backlash and still gets the message delivered. I would say that this way is the opposite of weaving yourself in by involving another party (ie the mutual friend) to deliver the message.

OK, that's a fair point.

Glitterella · 22/01/2026 15:55

Shamper · 22/01/2026 14:51

I've told him.

I created a different insta and messaged him directly. He hasn't read it yet, so I'll give it a couple more days before I contemplate what to do if he doesnt read unsolicited messages.

The conversations here helped because while I was a bit unsure, the more people told me to leave them too it the more worried I realised I am

I did it from a different one because I wasn't sure if he might think I was a crazy stalker/over involved as a previous person said. I also really didnt want it to be linked to me by her firstly I dont want her to create some sort of backlash and she's clearly a bit unpredictable, and secondly I think she's genuinely lonely and I dont want to taint the craft group for either of us.

I didnt feel right about contacting the company. I dont know why, it seemed more like an angle to get her fired. At least directly to him he can consider his social media if needed but also be aware if he is in the same building as her / meeting her at stage door

In general I think its thrown me so much because for me it is like doing it to Carl from accounts rather than a "celeb" like danny from mcfly

Be aware that if he decides that YOUR fake account is dodgy and blocks you, it will block your real account as well as any new accounts you may create. Thats just how instagram works.

GiddyRobin · 22/01/2026 16:33

Shamper · 22/01/2026 14:51

I've told him.

I created a different insta and messaged him directly. He hasn't read it yet, so I'll give it a couple more days before I contemplate what to do if he doesnt read unsolicited messages.

The conversations here helped because while I was a bit unsure, the more people told me to leave them too it the more worried I realised I am

I did it from a different one because I wasn't sure if he might think I was a crazy stalker/over involved as a previous person said. I also really didnt want it to be linked to me by her firstly I dont want her to create some sort of backlash and she's clearly a bit unpredictable, and secondly I think she's genuinely lonely and I dont want to taint the craft group for either of us.

I didnt feel right about contacting the company. I dont know why, it seemed more like an angle to get her fired. At least directly to him he can consider his social media if needed but also be aware if he is in the same building as her / meeting her at stage door

In general I think its thrown me so much because for me it is like doing it to Carl from accounts rather than a "celeb" like danny from mcfly

You did the right thing, OP.

I've worked in theatre (costume design), and it's a strange world but that doesn't mean personal safety should be overlooked. You're spot on the money when you say it feels more like Paul from accounts posting photos of Rachel from sales than sweet Vicky the barmaid mooning over Brad Pitt.

It's a strange world, but it's a very real world, with very real people and the same issues anyone would face in a regular job. If anything, I feel like it's almost a bit more vulnerable because so many theatre folks are accepting of things that are a little bit strange. It has its good sides and its bad sides, that's for sure.

I hope he takes it well. She may well be absolutely harmless, but she might not, and besides - he has every right to know she's stalking him and creating a fake life with him. He can choose for himself how he deals with it, but knowledge is power. I think you've done the right thing.

Did you include screen shots? I'd do so if not, let him see for himself in case he thinks you're pulling his leg.

OriginalUsername2 · 22/01/2026 18:38

TiggerAndHobbes · 22/01/2026 15:22

I don’t think she needs to explain herself to you.

This! What a tone!

LamentableShoes · 22/01/2026 19:04

Glitterella · 22/01/2026 15:33

@Isittimeformynapyet because it provides anonymity and avoids personal backlash and still gets the message delivered. I would say that this way is the opposite of weaving yourself in by involving another party (ie the mutual friend) to deliver the message.

I think the only potential issue is introducing anonymity which can become the focus - "who's sending these messages" is the thing the person wants to find out, and the actual message becomes of secondary importance.

I can see why you have done it, though. I just think on MN of all the people telling others to contact people anonymously (to tell about affairs etc), when any time anyone's ever received one the focus is always on identifying the sender!

Terrine · 22/01/2026 19:06

I once knew a professional but very minor actor - think video game voiceover level - nothing above this - who kept talking about his higher profile, recognisable actor ‘friends.’ I don’t deny he knew them - but it was still mega cringe

ByWittyLimePoet · 22/01/2026 19:12

You seem just as weird as her!

TiggerAndHobbes · 22/01/2026 19:19

ByWittyLimePoet · 22/01/2026 19:12

You seem just as weird as her!

No.

Shamper · 22/01/2026 23:17

LamentableShoes · 22/01/2026 19:04

I think the only potential issue is introducing anonymity which can become the focus - "who's sending these messages" is the thing the person wants to find out, and the actual message becomes of secondary importance.

I can see why you have done it, though. I just think on MN of all the people telling others to contact people anonymously (to tell about affairs etc), when any time anyone's ever received one the focus is always on identifying the sender!

This is true, I'm not hugely worried about him knowing its me. It doesnt overly impact my life if he thinks I'm a weirdo, it's more her.

I'll see

OP posts:
Shamper · 22/01/2026 23:22

GiddyRobin · 22/01/2026 16:33

You did the right thing, OP.

I've worked in theatre (costume design), and it's a strange world but that doesn't mean personal safety should be overlooked. You're spot on the money when you say it feels more like Paul from accounts posting photos of Rachel from sales than sweet Vicky the barmaid mooning over Brad Pitt.

It's a strange world, but it's a very real world, with very real people and the same issues anyone would face in a regular job. If anything, I feel like it's almost a bit more vulnerable because so many theatre folks are accepting of things that are a little bit strange. It has its good sides and its bad sides, that's for sure.

I hope he takes it well. She may well be absolutely harmless, but she might not, and besides - he has every right to know she's stalking him and creating a fake life with him. He can choose for himself how he deals with it, but knowledge is power. I think you've done the right thing.

Did you include screen shots? I'd do so if not, let him see for himself in case he thinks you're pulling his leg.

Edited

I did. Some of it is public profile ( which he might be aware of because most actors i know search themselves alot!) but the most worrying stuff is friends only. I didnt do a massive pile of screen shots enough to get a flavour, and to understand that its not a one off and had been consistent over a few years.

Interestingly it seems she did something similar before (i hadn't scrolled that far back before) but that actor became fairly mainstream/ went viral/ had some telly spots and it seems it stopped. I wonder if its because he caught it, or if he simply became too recognisable

OP posts:
Shamper · 22/01/2026 23:26

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/01/2026 15:45

OK, that's a fair point.

Exactly this
I didnt want to add another person in the mix who might decide I'm crazy, or feel in the same predicament I was in. She would also know its faux concern because id look like a bit of an idiot if I was seriously thinking this lady was dating him based on the posts

It seemed far simpler to go straight to him, and not make it weirder

OP posts:
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