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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would i be unreasonable to report this person faking a life using old colleagues photos?

122 replies

Shamper · 17/01/2026 11:59

I've name changed because every single detail in this is identifying and I tried to change details but then it didnt make sense

I used to work as an usher in London theatres, I left a few years ago but have lots of links still in that world. I then joined in an unrelated local group where I met Sally who is currently an Usher in london. We became facebook friends (and i cant see she has any theatre friends on there), and she wouldn't know I know a lot about theatre .

Sally's facebook is full of her pretending to be very good friends with low level actors which is absolutely not true.

For example today she's posted a thing about a present they've given her, her talking about days out with them etc, their nicknames for her. She's taking photos off their socials eg of the actor and friends on a night out, or of a group of drinks they've posted and saying "such a great night" or "the blue drink was mine" or a video and saying "we all nearly died of laughing when this happened". Some of it is just random eg she will share their videos of a spider they saw and say its a spider she saw but its a daily occurrence.

She seems particularly fixed on one person, luke. She has photos of her with luke at stage door, and has worked on some shows with him but her feed is full of odd things about their days out together, eg he will post a picture at a park, she will take a photo in her garden and then share them together as "best day out with my lukey". This includes pictures of one of his baby nephews and pretending she's been babysitting (again using photos from their social media)

These aren't high level actors or leads its mostly ensemble members so most people commenting on her posts don't seem to have recognised them, and are commenting normal stuff like this is really happening but mostly it seems just ignoring it. I cant see anyone that's obviously linked to productions that would be seeing it so I feel uneasy.

If I was an actor working most days in the same building as someone that had this whole pretend life with me, I would feel uncomfortable and probably not be taking selfies etc at stage door. I would want to know.

I would be less worried if she was a randomer doing it with someone really obviously famous like pretending to lunch with Tom Holland, but its inexperienced actors who might not have the same sense of stranger danger, dont have any special protection or training and that she actually works in the same building ocassionally.

I obviously suspect Sally has some sort of neurodiversity or possibly low level learning needs, she lives alone, holds down a job etc but does seem a bit vulnerable.

Would you go to the theatre company employers (ushers work for a group usually) or directly alert the actor (s)? I'm linked enough i can pm him on social media. Her family are on her social media but maybe they are just playing along?

I feel really mean because she's obviously really enjoying her job but equally wtf?

OP posts:
Shamper · 18/01/2026 11:35

Glitterella · 17/01/2026 17:03

I agree. This is an anonymous Internet forum
and is exactly the kind of place to ask for advice on what to do.

Thanks, I did have a proper look the other day simply because I wanted to be completely certain in what I was saying.

It feels like you cant win, either I cant be 100% sure that they dont know each other or I check it out enough to be confident and I'm obsessed

OP posts:
Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 18/01/2026 12:02

I'm team tell Luke. I think you should definitely give him a heads up so she is on his radar in case her obsession with him escalates from harmless/weird to something more dangerous

velvetgeranium · 18/01/2026 12:50

You say Luke is a friend of a friend. Why don't you raise it with your mutual friend as something that could be of a concern.

Crazybooklady · 18/01/2026 13:09

If it were me I would comment on one of her posts & say “oh you know Luke too, it’s a small world”. She’ll then know you know him without you calling her out.

Namechangwbillionthtime · 18/01/2026 13:13

Unhappyitis · 17/01/2026 12:07

Please don't blame this on being neurodiverse. That is absolutely ridiculous.

We don't need further stupid generalisations.

But some ND people do behave like that?

I'm autistic/adhd and OP saying that didn't offend me because I don't act like that, but I know some ND people do

TFImBackIn · 18/01/2026 13:15

If he's a friend of a friend, then why not talk to your mutual friend and suggest she/he passes on the information?

Namechangwbillionthtime · 18/01/2026 13:15

santasbaubles · 17/01/2026 16:58

Is Luke on Facebook? If so I’d comment and tag him on one of her posts.

Would you really?

So, considering this woman clearly has some sort of issue going on, you'd then publicly humiliate her also? Some vulnerable people would potentially hurt them selves or end their lives if somthing like that happened.

You do not sound like a kind person

bigboykitty · 18/01/2026 13:22

I would probably take some screenshots and email them to Lukey from an anonymous email account created for that purpose, and just say you thought he perhaps should aware of what Sally is doing. I wouldn't confront Sally. It's unlikely to end well.

notatinydancer · 18/01/2026 13:34

Unhappyitis · 17/01/2026 12:07

Please don't blame this on being neurodiverse. That is absolutely ridiculous.

We don't need further stupid generalisations.

Yes ,I agree.

TiggerAndHobbes · 18/01/2026 17:25

TittyGajillions · 17/01/2026 12:18

I think it's weird that you're paying so much attention to her and Lukey's social media!

That seems unfair.

TiggerAndHobbes · 18/01/2026 17:30

Nearly50omg · 17/01/2026 12:44

This is only what you can see she’s been up to!! I’d be VERY concerned to what she’s up to that you can’t see! I’d report it to the theatre and to Luke and advice him to contact the police and also make his social media private especially if there is information about his nephew and family on there!!

I think she should at least mention it to the theatre, or him if she’s able to DM him. While it would be more concerning if it was a man doing it to a woman, I think he should be made aware that this is happening so he can make his social media more private if he wishes.

TiggerAndHobbes · 18/01/2026 17:31

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 18/01/2026 12:02

I'm team tell Luke. I think you should definitely give him a heads up so she is on his radar in case her obsession with him escalates from harmless/weird to something more dangerous

This.

TiggerAndHobbes · 18/01/2026 17:36

Shamper · 17/01/2026 13:01

In some ways I feel validated that the comments aren't a clear split one way

Part of me does think its a harmless daydreaming of a lonely lady with some kind of learning needs.
The other half of me thinks its a massive red flag

Equally I didnt want to go to her employer when she's technically not breaking any rules I dont think, and I no longer work there.

Equally it seems a bit unhinged of me to contact someone who I dont know(he's a friend of a friend), to say hey did you know about this?

I probably wouldn't be as alarmed if it was someone more famous

While the posts are split, one thing to bear in mind is that there will always be a reasonably large number of posters who will try to belittle you or play devil’s advocate.

It doesn’t matter what the post is, they’ll always be there and skewing the numbers somewhat… you can spot them by the fact they’re normally being aggressive or belittling, saying things like ‘butt out’ or ‘mind your own business’ or ‘you’re weird for even noticing this.’

If you’d posted the opposite, saying you didn’t think you should tell him, then that contingent would be disagreeing.

Anyway, she might be harmless or she might not be. Either way she’s misrepresenting a relationship with him and showing a disturbing interest in him. If you let him know, he can decide what he wants to do.

Iamdefinitelynamechangingforthis · 18/01/2026 17:48

I’m in the tell Luke camp too. If nothing else he can make his socials more private.

This lady may just be lonely and making up a happy social life - but if she comes to truly believe it, what happens if Luke has a relationship? Jealousy is unpredictable and as she already seems to think (or is projecting) she has a relationship with him, it could get dangerous really quickly.

I think you need to speak to your mutual friend, explain everything and ask them to talk to Luke.

As for the lady, I wouldn’t confront her; as you rightly say you don’t know how she will react. I would say though if her posts become more serious, or she starts posting things around his home, then you will need to escalate somehow. As he’s an actor, does Equity have anyone that might be able to help, or his agent?

It’s a difficult position to be in, so make sure you are ok too.

Heresave36 · 18/01/2026 17:55

How well do you know Luke? As in, can you trust that he will deal with it in an appropriate or safe way if you do tell him. Would he be careful with her feelings and tactful?

Isittimeformynapyet · 18/01/2026 18:34

Have you even mentioned this to your mutual friend @Shamper ?

That's obviously the way to go imo, unless you'd actually quite like to be involved.

I would tell the mutual friend all about it and ask if they think it's worth telling Luke.

Personally, people bullshitting to make themselves look more important really bug me and I think they should be called out. If they don't like being called out that's their own fault.

I worked in the music industry in the late 80s/90s. Mostly indie, but some big names in that area. I was scrupulous about never having my picture taken with any of them because that would have blurred the lines between professionalism and fan. I very rarely talk about it to people I meet now in case they think I'm up myself. I feel perfectly content with my level of unimportance tbh and don't need to trade on the past.

If the fantatist-sympathisers or anyone else on here are actually doing this then pack it in! It's pathetic.

Runningoutofpatiencefucksandmoney · 18/01/2026 18:45

MyThreeWords · 17/01/2026 12:20

I'd say leave it alone, unless it seems like she might be some sort of threat to anyone. Telling lies isn't really reportable behaviour in itself.

If you were still an employee of the entity that employs her as an usher, then telling your employer might be appropriate, since she is their employee and her conduct has the potential to bring her company into disrepute. But I think you aren't.

As for telling 'Luke', if you know him then that might be appropriate, but otherwise (unless he is in some sense at risk from her), it might be seen by him as itself something creepily over-engaged.

Yes, I agree with this poster. I work in a similar field but I am the employer. I would want to know this, if it was one of my employees. Similarly though, if you don't work as an usher for the same employer, I'd stay out of it

GreenPaperCut · 18/01/2026 19:37

Team - of course you tell Luke!

I run it through the gender swap or the what would you do if this happened at work filter.

AprilinPortugal · 18/01/2026 20:00

Dollymylove · 17/01/2026 13:16

Has Luke seen her posts? Does he even know?
It seems she has an obsession with this man, if this is the case (and he doesnt know) I would be tempted to tell him

Agree...if Luke was a woman and Sally was a man we'd be telling OP to warn her

YetAnotherNameChange2 · 18/01/2026 20:07

Also team tell Luke, but you may have ways to do it indirectly or get further validation -- either mention it to your mutual friend or flag it to his agent / management.

Sassylovesbooks · 18/01/2026 20:16

The fact that Sally is taking photos from Luke's SM (including pictures of him) and posting them on her own, to give a certain impression to others, is worrying.

I don't think you should tell Sally's employer. However, I do think you should take screenshots of what Sally has posted and speak to the friend of yours, who knows Luke. Pass the information to them, and ask if they could pass it onto Luke. Tell them that on the surface it looks harmless, but you don't know if Sally has his home address or is spying on him in person etc. You'd hate for Sally's behaviour to escalate and you could have spoken up, but didn't.

It's then down to Luke to decide on what he wants to do. By giving him the information, it allows him to make his own decision.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 18/01/2026 20:16

Baby Reindeer.

Evidemment · 18/01/2026 20:23

The issue here is you CANNOT claim this is harmless - the previous posters stating this as fact are completely out of order
If she is becoming unhinged in the real world (remember she IS taking fan photos with him so is making direct contact with him) you wouldn't be able to tell as she wouldn't post it in social media and odds are neither would he. If he's trying to make it as an actor he's probably only going to make his socials private as a last resort - it's not the same as a private individual.

OP I would tell him to be on the safe side - feels like none of us learned anything from Baby Reindeer - men can be victims too and we can't just assume things are harmless when they directly involve other people (harmless would be posting photos of pretend cars/food etc like another poster has experienced, another person being involved with potentially no idea makes this inherently NOT harmless there is always potential)

If you're worried about the ramifications on your craft group etc you could send him some screenshots and info anonymously and then he can do what he wants with that. Just make sure he can contact you again in case he does need to.

pouletvous · 18/01/2026 20:27

This sounds like rhe basis of a funny chick
lit novel! 😅

pouletvous · 18/01/2026 20:28

Why don’t you DM Luke?