To be at a loss as to how to get 9 year-old to eat healthily?

[ScaredOfFlying]

I’m really keen to raise DS with healthy eating habits but he’s getting worse as he gets older.

Does anyone have any tried and tested ways to get a child this age to eat any of the following?

Leafy greens
Salad
Beans, lentils, chickpeas
fish
Vegetable soup
Corn on the cob
any form of fruit
whole egg not just yolk

Until he was about 6 he would happily eat broccoli, now he pushes it to the side and has to be forced to eat it. Same with fruit, used to be fine but now hates it. Went from loving tuna to making vomit noises at it. Used to love eggs but now will only eat yolk that does not touch the white. Ate veg curry as a toddler but now rejects it.

He is an only child so no siblings to model/cajole him. DH and I model very healthy and varied eating, it’s almost like he is rebelling. He is bright and we’ve tried science/nutrition explanations, to no avail. He will refuse even a single mouthful of something new and it’s clear that he has decided in advance to say that he hates the food. Stand offs of the “eat what you are given or go hungry variety” result in huge arguments and we absolutely do not want to make food into a battleground.

Help! Will he maybe just grow out of it?

It's handy for getting them to become accustomed to and like the flavour without any texture or indication it's that thing that is disgusting (which sounds like something he's picked up at school or from a relative, rather than out of the blue).

DP was teased as an adult for 'actually eating mushrooms now' because he'd never liked them as a kid. He says he liked mushroom flavour, it was just that sliced and fried flat ones reminded him of slugs. When he moved in with me, I cooked button mushrooms whole or diced up small for particular recipes as they are my favourites, which meant no slugginess - so he would eat them and became tolerant of the occasional slightly darker one. Still won't have them sliced, though.

Same with beans if somebody says they don't like them - pinto beans blended add the savoury taste without the pickable bits, meaning they get to taste that and possibly find that they really like it - or courgette blended at first and then diced into a pasta sauce made with plenty of tomato puree for the sweetness to balance with the slightly bitter skin.

This was me as a child, the more my parents pushed the issue the more I dug my heels in 🤷‍♀️

My advice is to relax, take the pressure off, offer the food but don’t comment if he doesn’t eat some of it.

If you can encourage him to help with cooking, I was much more likely to eat something if I’d help prepare it.

If it helps my restrictive diet as a kid doesn’t seem to have caused any issues and as I got older I naturally started trying new foods.

Pizzas as someone said you can make it at home. The bolognese - is there carrots and celery in it, if so there’s veg in that!

I cut up carrots, apples, grapes etc and leave them out, don’t say anything and they get eaten.

my Husband and DS don’t really like soup so we don’t have that!

Would he have sausage casserole (with veg in) instead of sausage and chips?

Give him what he will eat. Never ever make a fuss, it’s a battle you can never win. Hide vegetables where you can.

It sounds like his diet is fine? I don’t think it matters if there’s certain things he won’t eat, lots of adults dont / wont eat lots of things! The suggestion of chopped raw veg is good, also with any dip he would like. And get him involved in planning, shopping and cooking-even if through you tube videos or something. You really shouldn’t pressure or encourage him to eat something he doesn’t like. Keep exposing to different foods with no pressure. See where you can add veg / lentils / beans into meals he likes, such as bolognaise and homemade pizza

“Fair enough, I meant I have to stand over him and tell him to eat it, say things like “eat 2 bites and you can leave the rest”. This is because I know he doesn’t dislike it, he just wants to fill up on other things.”
This is a recipe for disaster. You are ruining his relationship with food. I’d really recommend you read Sarah Ockwell Smith’s book about raising a calm eater. He’s not going to ‘like’ a food because he forces it down. He needs to learn to listen to his body, and you need to respect his autonomy and his choices. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t eat broccoli.

At that age I didn't eat soup, eggs, food that touched each other, anything in a sauce.
Meanwhile DH's parents had to make sure he could have spag bol everynight on holiday.

Now in our 50s, I have given up my fussiness except for soup and gravy. Have eaten soup once in a tasting menu and was forced to admit it was nice, although I have't been able to face it again.
Similarly DH now only refuses pineapple - although he did eat it once by accident and liked it.

He'll come round over time.

I think you could put carrots in the saucepan when doing mashed potatoes. You can always add an egg to that as well. Fry mashed potato so it looks like fritata. The chilli is easier: before you put the beans in mash them, you can also add lentils etc to bolognaise. Will he eat any type of fish? Maybe make a tomato and onion sauce with peppers to go with any white fish.

I personally think his diet is a little restrictive but not so bad in the scheme of things, as I once knew a lad about your son's age who would mainly live on sausages with brown sauce and not a lot more. He grew up fine and changed eating habits after a very few years, peer pressure and teasing from his friends probably.

He’s fine. I’ve got two DS, 25 and 17, and neither eats most of the items on your list. DS1 will eat peas and green beans. dS2 will eat neither, but will eat broccoli and fish. Neither will eat eggs- unless they’re in cake. They eat apples, and DS1 also eats strawberries. That’s it.

Make sure you get a range of veggies in the spag Bol, blitzed up. We include celery, courgettes, red peppers etc and use little meat.

My DM used to do that and I refused to eat much. My Aunt, who I was with a lot, dished up dinners for all of us with what she could afford and left us to it. There were rarely any snacks or treats. Occasionally there were jelly sweets cut in half so everyone could have a little. I ate all the food on the plate as there was nothing else.

With my children at the weekend I would serve a small portion of meat/fish and put bowls of veg on the table so they could help themselves. Anything "new" they were encouraged to dip a fork in and taste what was on it.

It is upsetting when your dc starts to restrict food - my dd1 was dreadful at this age and it lasted for years. I was lucky because she retained a love for most vegetables (although hated fruit).

I followed advice not to pressurise her, tell her off or make a drama of the situation. But it’s so counter-intuitive - you just want your kid to eat, it’s hard to back off.

People told me “oh, just tell her eat this or it’s nothing, she won’t let herself starve!” But she did drop from 50th to 5th percentile on the WHO weight chart and she stopped growing for a year or so.

But I’m pleased to report that age 13 she started to become more adventurous and now she eats all sorts of things.

I do recommend trying some unusual foods. I discovered both my slightly fussy kids really love eating smoked haddock (or its cheaper cousin, smoked basa fillet) together with runny fried eggs and potato waffle. They also both love salmon teriyaki. Despite the strong flavours!

One idea might be that you cook together something new -choose a kids/other recipe together, get him involved in finding the ingredients in the supermarket and then prepare it together. Might get him more invested. Good luck.

What he eats sounds varied and fine. I don't see why he needs to eat the list in the OP, most children would find most of that unappetizing.

I would add some kind of vegetable or fruit with each meal but I wouldn't force eating it.

Also egg yolk is the most nutritious part!

We make little pancakes just out of mashed (overripe) Banana and eggs. So easy and have never had a kid refuse them.

We offer a lot of peanut butter (just check that it is a brand that is 100% peanuts).

My kids love pomegranate seeds - worth a try as they aren’t a sweet as a lot of fruits.

Thanks to everyone who has replied, I really do appreciate it, especially those who offered stories of older children or adults whose diets expanded naturally. Paticularly enjoyed the husband and the sluggy mushrooms!

Some people have slightly missed my point, which was more about transitioning from childish meals to adult ones with more variety, textures and superfoods, than worrying about basic nutrition. At the moment the trend is the other way, towards becoming more restrictive.

I’m also interested in how to overcome a refusal to even try something, as I have limited patience for the drama - what is the worst that can happen if you have a mouthful of food that you don’t like? We’re even fine with spitting it out.

Rest assured that we are very aware of the psychological consequences of pushing things too much.

Children go through phases.

As another poster said, try not to make a big deal of it lest eating disorders set in, or he sees food refusal as a way of controlling you. Also, he’s going to be hearing endless healthy eating messages at school.

Once puberty kicks in, his hunger will massively ramp up. We’re talking about 3-5k of calories needed a day as he turns into a man. Mine became much less fussy when this happened. Big curry? Bring it. Important not to restrict natural fats or meat during this (what is appropriate for a dieting middle aged woman, or typical NHS guidance aimed at the sedentary elderly, is not appropriate for young men).

I think just keep offering but don’t push. What we did which was not a particular plan but kind of worked was we made something like a chicken curry and rice but made the curry very mild with spices but not spicey and also had yoghurt/raita. My DH and I would add chilli flakes or a spiced pickle to ours. We also made something like dahl which our DD had eaten before when offered as a soup. She was happy eat the lentils and rice and watched us eating that and the chicken. We’d offer her to try the chicken and she’d say no. But then gradually she got curious as we seemed to enjoy it and then tried it and like it. She’s now 12 and likes spicy food. I remember she didn’t like things like mushrooms, courgettes and spinach, but we kept offering it alongside other stuff in meals now and again and she gradually tried them and loves them. Eating at other people’s houses is good too. She loved courgettes at my friends house which helped me introduce more at home. Now she eats most things. I read somewhere that it can take around 20 times before a child might accept or genuinely like something. But I think avoiding pressure is important. Involving your child in the preparing/cooking process might help and also reading together about food from different places. Anyway, just some ideas.

To your point of ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen?’ I don’t think you do fully understand.

I want you to imagine that you go to a dinner party and they are serving raw liver, eyeballs and pickled heart. All covered in a tomato sauce. And you look around and there’s a few things you like on the table like rice and potatoes but the host keeps asking you to try a bit of the eyeballs. Tells you they are delicious. That you ate them whe. You were a baby and if you just remember that you liked it, the. You would try it and like it again. But you don’t remember and it looks repulsive or different or you think it won’t be nice and the more they ask you to just try it, the more you get annoyed as they aren’t seeing your discomfort or listening to you. You’ve got food on your plate, you’re trying to fill your belly and be gracious and not rude. The host reminds you they are covered in tomato sauce and you like that on pasta so why not try a bit. A lick even. And all the while you’re getting more pissed off.

over time this pressure at mealtimes to try a bite becomes a power struggle that the food could be chocolate ice cream and he won’t even want to try it just so that you won’t be right about it. Tasting comes from feeling safe and unpressured.

i also think your fixation on superfoods is a bit of an odd one. Food is food. Eat a variety and be done with it! You risk projecting some strange messages around food to your kid

‘What’s the worse that could happen’ when I was a kid being forced to eat something I didn’t like I’d have either had a panic attack or vomited or both.

I think his diet is ok -good quality sausages and pizza. I’d let it go.

Personally, I have no issue with trying any food as long as it is not poisonous in any way, especially if acceptable to spit it out.

And you are exaggerating anyway- my point was that if a mouthful of something new is offered once, in an entirely non-pressured way, there is very little downside other than a momentarily unpleasant taste or texture. My son is 9 and pretty smart, he should be able to follow that logic.

My son did the same about the same age. Still there I’m afraid. What he will eat is soups, stir fries and ramen.

Yorkshire provinder chicken and veg (has to be this expensive one sry - own brand are horrible in comparison I agree with him)

Yorkshire provinder tomato and red pepper

This lentil and bacon soup (got some carrots) https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/lentil-bacon-soup (can be blended to hide veg)

fajitas - iceberg lettuce (+cheese and meat)

conference pears are surprisingly popular with vegetable and fruit dodgers imo - have you tried these?

My daughter has a very restricted diet and I used to get stressed worrying that what she ate wasn't healthy enough. I've stopped worrying so much about it now after years of throwing uneaten food in the bin. My other daughter has an eating disorder which has given me a different perspective about food.

I feel like we've taught her what a balanced diet should include and hopefully she will be able to use that information to make decisions about eating as she gets older. I make sure she takes a multivitamin. We have had more success with vegetables when presenting them with a crunchier texture. Eg she will eat raw peppers but not cooked ones, broccoli roasted but not steamed, green cabbage stir fried but not boiled.

Some people have slightly missed my point, which was more about transitioning from childish meals to adult ones with more variety, textures and superfoods, than worrying about basic nutrition. At the moment the trend is the other way, towards becoming more restrictive.

I just think you are trying to do this too early. IME, it tends to naturally happen starting from around 12-14 ish without any conscious action on the parent's part. They just get curious and want to try new things, and their tastebuds have possibly also done the maturing thing allowing them to appreciate more bitter flavours. The only thing I think I did which helped DS1 was encourage and support him to start cooking for himself and others, which you could certainly do at 9 - it's a good age to learn skills (e.g. knife skills, how to tidy as you go, store leftovers, follow a recipe, scale up/down, substitute ingredients and how to safely handle hot things) before they develop the opinion that you are hopelessly out of touch. But DS1 has continued to develop this and seek out recipes on his own, likes to cook with friends etc.

In fact, I wonder whether a period of seeking more familiarity and consistency in foods (which is what processed foods tend to be) isn't simply normal as a sort of precursor to that phase of palate expansion, in a similar way to how they tend to be interested in trying things as babies, then they go through a fussy toddler stage, then get more adventurous again. I've seen this sort of "wave model" suggested for all kinds of things developmentally, where children swing from one tendency to another but if you zoom out and look at the big picture, they are improving overall.

DS was similar, boring rotation + occasional new meals worked well. Buffet restaurants good for trying new things safely. Now 17, he’ll eat most things that are solid expect raw tomatoes. He will not touch soup, yoghurt , stewed fruit, or basically anything you could wean a baby on - he was BLW!