In wanting DH to go to bed early

[TicklishHedgehog]

DH generally only gets in from work at gone 7. He stays up super late, often only goes to bed at around 2 in the morning.

The problem is he’s then exhausted the next morning and we have two young children. So when they wake up it’s me who goes to them as DH is unconscious. For years now I’ve got up with them in the morning and I don’t mind in the week but never having a break from it gets me down

How does he get himself up for work but not for his kids
what is he doing until 2 am - working or gaming?

I think he does work sometimes (he doesn’t game) he sometimes watches tv or just scrolls on his phone

well how does he get up for work? Or is this only the weekends where he doesn’t wake

How old are the children? For them to be young and this also to be going on years?

YANBU, but, you have allowed this to happen, for years. Why are you posting about it now? Are you thinking of discussing it with him?

One is six and one is two

Insist he does his fair share and if he’s tired because he’s been scrolling on his phone til 2am that’s his problem. Not sure why you are putting up with this crap.

The problem is by the time I’ve actually got him awake and made him move I’m wide awake myself, so I never actually get to enjoy just sleeping in. That’s why it’s frustrating.

That is annoying! Maybe say you’ll have a weekly Sunday afternoon out of the house on your own then, to make up for the extra childcare that you’re doing.

Either you’ll get a nice break (although not a lie in) or he’ll find that he suddenly manages to wake up in the morning.

I go to bed very late, and if I went to bed any earlier, I'd just be lying in bed awake - I'm rarely asleep before 2am, regardless of whether I'm in bed or downstairs, and I would certainly be very unimpressed if my partner tried to give me a bedtime, because I'm not a child. Everyone's body clock is different and trying to push him to have early nights may well a) not make any difference to the time he falls asleep and b) end up with you being kept awake by him tossing and turning next to you. I also think that, if he doesn't get home until past 7pm, it's probably hard for him to unwind from work and that might affect his schedule too.

You need to have a conversation with him about him getting up in the morning with the kids more often as he needs to pull his weight (assuming that you both work full time?) but I wouldn't frame it as 'You need to go to bed earlier'.

I have a similar issue with my DP, that I do the mornings every day, but for different reasons. He has a job that he leaves for work at 6am, and on weekends I let him lay in. My body clock won't let me lie in, however around 9am he'll come down and make me a coffee and run me a bath. Could this be a compromise?

I really don’t think you can tell a grown man when to go to bed.

can you negotiate your alone time at another time, as a PP suggested? So you still get the same solo rest

He’s a selfish man who doesn’t care as long as he’s alright . Have strong words . If he gets up earlier he might be ready for bed earlier too.

Allowed to happen?
Nobody tells an other adult how to do their "bed time".
I'm sure it's not anything new about him.

I do get tired; it would be nice for me to go to bed late sometimes but I can’t as I’m always up before 6. So I do feel as much as I can’t give him a bedtime he’s kind of forcing one on me!

Teach the 6yr old to bounce on daddy until he wakes up in the mornings

Exactly! Too right OP. Him staying up till 2 is forcing you to go to bed early as at least one person has to be responsible for their own kids.
I absolutely wouldn't tolerate this. He gets home at 7, boohoo, I used to get home at 7 every day from work. Tell him he has to get up and deal with his kids, at least once a weekend. Set a really loud alarm and stick it next to his head.

God this is depressing. Why do women accept this behavior from husbands/ partners?! My DH would naturally stay awake late and sleep in late on the mornings but he doesn’t because he’s not a selfish Ahole.

I think he can go to bed when he wants, but he needs to be getting up early at least some of the week. What time does he start work?

Stupid pathetic women, eh?

Find an activity that forces you to be up and out the house at 8am one weekend morning every week.

Yeah. The internalised misogyny is mind boggling. Of course the problem is with the women who tolerate it, rather than the men who, you know, do it……

? I want to sleep in!

Thing with accusing me of tolerating it … what should I do differently?

Ignore my toddler crying for hours?
Kick him out?

I honestly don’t know. He will get up with them but it just takes so long to get him out of bed and then I’m just … you know, awake. It would be so nice to vaguely hear the kids and roll over and go back to sleep …

It’s totally unacceptable for him not to get up on any weekday morning.

Could he not do Mondays, as he won’t have worked and got home and 7pm on Sunday, and then maybe Wednesdays or Thursdays? And then you should get a lie in on Saturday.

i understand the appeal of staying up late and unwinding, but he needs to have an earlier night if he wants more sleep. Even going to bed at midnight means another two hours of sleep and it’s still a pretty late night.

By allowed it to happen I meant him doing wtf he wants whole his wife picks up the slack and does everything else. It’s not about controlling another persons bedtime, but you can’t act like a single fucking man when you are married with children.