To think we should get the best room in a villa?

[hwange]

We’re going away as a family to celebrate two birthdays: my husband’s 60th and our son’s 30th. There will be five adults: me, my husband, our two sons (30 and 28) and older son’s partner.

We’ve rented a five-bedroom holiday house. The plan is:

• One room for me and my husband
• One room for our older son and his girlfriend
• One room for our younger son
• Two smaller spare rooms

Everyone is paying an equal share, and our older son’s girlfriend organised the whole booking.

All the bedrooms are nice, but one is clearly the best (great view and a fancy bed), one is also very good, and one is more basic but has a small kitchen.

What’s the fairest way to decide who gets which room?

Why does 60 trump 30? They are both milestone birthdays.

Probably the person who’s organised but to be honest if I’d been the one to do the organising, I’d probably suggest my parents or in-laws would get the ‘best’ room.

Definitely organiser gets nice room. Organising this sort of thing is a major pain.

Organiser gets dibs on the room always.

Only exception would be some kind of mobility issue or disability or medical need that make one particular room better suited to a particular person.

Why do you think you should get the best room @hwange?

Imo the organiser gets to pick. Failing that you could draw straws - of course if you did that the younger son could end up with the best room and you'd all be miserable!

I can't tell if you're unreasonable to think that you should get the best room as you haven't explained your logic re why you should.

We go away regularly as a whole family and the rule is that the organiser (usually me!) gets first dibs on whatever room they want. I don’t always take the best room FYI, I’m not totally selfish, but for the amount of effort it takes to organise the accommodation, flights (can’t be shit times etc), transfers is huge, food shopping (if in the U.K.) that I bloody deserve first dibs!

Same here, but it would be for mum (mil). Culturally, it's just how it is.

If the organisers didn’t want to put the effort in then they shouldn’t do it. I do this a lot and from experience have possibly got the dates that suited then best, the area location that they wanted to go to and the style of accommodation they wanted to stay in, I’d see this as my perk.

In a family situation I’d let the parents 60th have the room whether they were my parents or not. If your the organiser and your bothered I’d make sure the rooms were of equal niceness this is usually more of an issue with friends groups but family parents would always get first choice.

I maybe have a different outlook because I could count on one hand how many times I’ve been on anything like this that I haven’t organised!

Because I love my parents and know they sacrificed a lot to raise and educate me so I like that I can treat them from time to time. I have a lot more disposable income then they ever had at my age, I remember they barely had a bean in the 80s but prioritised us above all else. I would feel the same if it was my in laws that I was organising the trip for. I also don't view a 30th as a big a deal as a 60th.
If I was op I wouldn't demand the better room but would be slightly miffed it wasn't offered

Son and his gf because she organised it and it's his 30th birthday.

Why on earth do you think you and your husband should?! Genuine question. It would be generous of her to offer it to you, but 60 and 30 are both milestone birthdays. If I were you I wouldn't expect her, in this scenario, to offer it to me and my husband. I'd also feel like I've had 30 years on them in terms of staying in 'nice' places, and they should have it.

So she has done the legwork, but that means she has chosen a place which has one double room clearly superior to the other instead of a place with maybe two equal rooms. You’re all paying the same. A member of each couple is having a ‘big’ birthday…

Flip for it?

If you’re paying equally, the organiser always gets the best room.

The organiser isn't on here asking advice, though. The OP is, and if the organiser doesn't want to offer her the best room, there is no way she can ask for it without coming off as demanding and entitled. This 'rule' that the oldest gets the best is an unspoken one, and it isn't one that can be enforced or demanded.

Agreed. Single people always get the shit rooms and pay the same as everyone else.

I hate 'oldest gets best' mentality. Everyone should get what they need.

Organiser obviously. They may give it up to you (I imagine my adult dc would give it up to dh and me) but I wouldn't expect it. It would only be reasonable to expect it if either of you had a reason to require it e.g. need the en-suite due to prostate reasons.

I assume you think you should get it because you're older? Your dh is only 60 and you are presumably similar. Hardly geriatric territory.

Organiser definitely gets it, she's put all the work in and you're all paying the same.

No idea why you think you should get it?!

We went away recently and have the same family members as the OP (apart from old son has a male partner and is a bit younger). I organised it, but I was happy to give my son and his partner the best room. I've had many "nice rooms" in my life, and I'd want my son and his partner to have the treat. The other son was also very happy with his room too, so it worked well. Be gracious and it will go a long way.

Please don't make the trip about who gets the nice room OP! You are honestly at risk of causing a bit of a sour taste when it should just be a celebration.

I would give my parents the best room every time, out of love and respect for them and what they’ve done for me. You can’t ask but you can hope to be offered.

Same.

What the hell?

This is a reverse, right?

Of course the organiser gets first dibs.

The danger of her then offering it to OP and her partner out of courtesy, as a PP has quite reasonably suggested, is that OP would be crass enough to accept, instead of saying "oh goodness, thank you for the offer, but you've spent many hours finding the property and organising the deposit. Of course you and DS should get the best room!"

I agree. I was brought up with that mentality and it is toxic in many ways. However, in my parents' defence, they would at least have insisted on paying for everyone, so their getting the best room would be a bit more justifiable. What irks me about the OP is that she wants it both ways-to be egalitarian while paying the bill, yet pull rank when it comes to the perks. Just no.

Why would you get the best room, because you're older? Sons gf has done all the hard work so they should get the best room.

Son’s girlfriend gets the pick of the rooms as she has organised it all.