To not want toys brought into the lounge?

[ohnononofenton]

So in context, our downstairs area is all open plan. There’s a smallish lounge, a dining room and then an orangery. The children’s toys and games are in the orangery and their bedrooms.

They both but especially my five year old keep bringing them into the lounge. I hate it. It’s mostly because the lounge is on the small side so quickly gets full, toys get trampled on, end up under the sofa and the TV unit. I end up skidding on toy cars and parts of tool boxes all the time.

I am trying to be quite firm about keeping toys in the orangery or bedrooms. Or is this just too uptight? It’s an ongoing battle keeping the house fairly tidy and I don’t do a bad job but it is a lot of work.

So very middle class.....Assuming the OP isn't actually living in the Big House of course.

One of the main things I have learned is that the best way to keep a tidy home is to work with not against how you all use the house.

So for example, my kids laundry baskets used to be up in their rooms which just didn't work when they moved to showers because they shower downstairs. Yes in principle they could take their dirty clothes upstairs to their laundry basket upstairs but in practice they didn't and it was a lot tidier overall when I just put a laundry basket downstairs.

You can carry on trying to insist that toys go upstairs or in the orangerie or whatever but it's clearly counter flow for your household and will always frustrate you.

Either make some space for toys in your lounge or put a sofa in your orangerie so you sit there more. But a 5 year old is just going to want to be with you

Aw I’m just like you OP, I hate mess and clutter. But your kids just want to be part of family life and near you, I think just do your best with the mess it won’t last forever.

I traditionally hate mess and I do this too. It’s just for now. I’m glad there are toys there, they’re DDs and I’m grateful for her!

My friend bought a house with an orangery. It was a brick built place, proper roof and delightful windows that were rectangle but had arch shaped struts. Very pretty indeed, I the plebeian scum that I am have a conservatory.

As an aside pineapples were grown in places like this is stately homes and they were such a status symbol they were sometimes rented out for centrepieces to the aspiring middle classes who couldn’t afford an orangery or staff. No they were not called pinapplerys.

To be fair you normally see ‘orangeries’ in stately homes which were fashionable during the time of colonialism to specifically grow tropical and Mediterranean plants like orange trees. Some bit added on to the side of a new build is not an orangery unless you’re growing oranges in it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why are you doing the tidying? Why does it take two hours? My DC have their tea at 5pm, at 4.30 pm the TV is paused or muted and it’s tidy up time - nobody gets their tea (it can be kept warm in the oven) until everything is put away (that includes the spanner from a tool set, a Playmobil fireman from the fire station in the bedroom, bits of Lego etc).

It’s interesting that you cite your 5yo as wailing that tidying takes aaaaages, but in your reply to me you did exactly the same thing! You’re supposed to be the adult here. You bite the bullet and insist on tidy-up time. It’s not optional. That’s how your kids grow up knowing that a bit of mess in a family home isn’t a crisis.

I had 3 children very close together. So I had 3 under 4's, 3 under 5's etc. Keeping toys out of the living room wasn't an option as I needed to be there to supervise them whilst BFing my new baby. We didn't have the luxury of a playroom or orangery. Even if we did, with so many young children, I needed to keep them 'corralled' where I could keep an eye on them.

DH was working long hours developing his catering business in a local seaside town which grew to be 3 restaurants & 2 dish & chip shops. He worked long hours & I worked P/T as a Civil Servant - I often wonder how we did it. Especially once the DCs were aged from 6+ & I'd take them with me in the busy summer evenings to watch TV/videos in the flat above the main restaurant after I'd finished work, having dealt with DC's activities & went to help him out in the restaurant. I was exhausted most of he time.

What I had was have plastic toy bins & made a game of everyone putting the toys into the bins before bathtime. Then the bins went away to be brought out next day. I would make it a game/competition how quickly can we clear the toys tonight? We'd keep a record so that when daddy came home he could see that we beat the previous night's record. There was always a treat for after the toys were cleared away - may be to chose a chocolate from a box, an ice cream from the freezer whatever.

Edited to typos - apologies if I've missed some.

Why on earth are people being twats about the orangery?
They exist. It's ok to call an orangery an orangery.

I think you have to reframe the process. You’re not nagging, you’re teaching him to tidy. It takes a long time. Just like when you keep getting them to do their reading every night, and they might wail “I caaaaaan’t!”

You don’t give up on the reading and do it yourself, just because the process is hard. You push on, because it’s important.

Teaching them to tidy up is the same. Little and often, little and often. Slowly they get better at it. They’ll still fling their arms around sometimes, and cry, and complain, but that’s how children operate. They’re also learning to follow instructions, and how to function in society. Keeping on at him won’t damage your relationship, don’t worry. He needs you to be the parent.

And yes it’s exhausting, it’s all exhausting, we’ve all been there. Have a cup of tea ☕️ and try to accept your house will be a bit messy and you’ll be a bit frazzled for a few years, but you’ll get there.

Or "go and pass me that can of Tenant's Special in the orangery, doll" 🤣🤣

What’s an orangery?

They will grow up and only have screens before you know it. Just let it go.

My mum used to let me take my toys into the lounge (I also had a playroom), but when I wasn’t playing with them, I had a designated place to park them that was kind of hidden (the side of one of the chairs). They could stay there for a few days if I was actively playing with them during the day.
Kids sometimes want to play in the main family room.

Its similar to a conservatory but built differently and looks different. They both have a lot of glass and apparently its ok to have a conservatory but if you have an orangery you've got to pretend you don't because <insert bullshit reason here>

I wish I could do that now with my two teenage DS and the hellhole their rooms are. Do you think a 19 and 16 year old would mend their ways if I score their tidying and give them a chocolate as a prize? I should have perhaps started their training a little earlier.

This is just life with small children unfortunately! My DS would take everything out of the toy box and sit in it like a boat rather than play with his toys. It fades away as they get older.

All I can suggest is only having one box of toys out at a time and rotating them so there isn’t a whole playroom to gather up at the end of the day.

Don't fall for the Orangeries Sales Pitch!!

It’s supposed to be a home, not a house. Lighten up.

It could end up damaging to your relationship to be constantly on at him to keep toys in one place. I’d restrict amount of toys if he won’t clear up. Maybe rotate them. What I will say after 3 kids, the day my youngest announced she had cleared out her room and all the toys were in the donate / tip pile was one of the happiest days for me! It drove me potty but I didn’t restrict which rooms they stayed in, though we did have a playroom after a while but omg the mess of it! Mainly DD my youngest who was responsible.

I disagree with the tidy up time thing - my kids just found it too overwhelming to do at the end of the day when they were tired.

The easier approach IMO is just to make it part of an activity - finish a game, you all put it away together, finish a puzzle, back in the box, finish playing cars, back in the car box.

It also TBH sounds like the 5 year old is maybe just bored or not supervised enough. Some 5 year olds can entertain themselves nicely for ages on their own but many can't and it's developmentally normal for them to need more input.

Something you keep orange trees in.

I come from a long line of not overly house proud people and so to me this just seems insane.

why can’t your kids play in the living room? Why does it matter if a little bit of a toy goes temporarily missing, they usually show up. Why does it matter if bits of toys get muddled up with other bits of toys as long as the kids are enjoying playing with them?

I do feel a little sad for your kids not being allowed to play in the main room of their home. They’ll soon be grown and you’ll realise that that time was more precious than a neat and tidy house.

Apart from sally Webster in Corrie!!