To not want toys brought into the lounge?

[ohnononofenton]

So in context, our downstairs area is all open plan. There’s a smallish lounge, a dining room and then an orangery. The children’s toys and games are in the orangery and their bedrooms.

They both but especially my five year old keep bringing them into the lounge. I hate it. It’s mostly because the lounge is on the small side so quickly gets full, toys get trampled on, end up under the sofa and the TV unit. I end up skidding on toy cars and parts of tool boxes all the time.

I am trying to be quite firm about keeping toys in the orangery or bedrooms. Or is this just too uptight? It’s an ongoing battle keeping the house fairly tidy and I don’t do a bad job but it is a lot of work.

Why are you sorting toys out? Just let them dig around for things and get on with it.

Really does sound like this is a problem you are determined to have rather than one which has anything to actually do with your kids.

Then give him an even bigger bollocking. You're his parent, not his friend. What if he starts hitting you and won't stop? Will you just allow that because he ignores you?

It’s part of their development, literally will help them do and be better …so it’s really important they have your company AND play - it’s annoying but soon enough they won’t leave their rooms :)

I definitely vote for stopping the sorting …one bin for all the abandoned things…they ask you were x is..you say look in the lost toy bin. Everybody will be asked to tidy up at school so build on that. Keeping things in ‘as new’ sets is just a recipe for hassles you don’t need 💐

I don’t see why the living room can’t be off limits to toys. If the orangerie (and kitchen?) are spacious enough and where you are as well, what’s the problem? I’ve worked in lots of houses where there’s an adult only room where toys aren’t really meant to be. It isn’t unusual.

It is a battle of wills. Your son has Iearnt that you will back down when he refuses. You need to consistently hold your boundary or he will not tidy up and will not keep the toys in the orangery. It’s tough not to give in when you’re tired and your patience is being tested, but keep trying and you will reap the rewards. I work with young children. They will do it at nursery and school despite protesting, because we won’t just do it for them. We will assist and find ways to make it fun, as you have tried, but it’s persisting with their taking part that is the key to change.

You do realize this is an open thread, not a personal exchange of messages between the two of you? 🤔

Surely, the solution is plastic wrap/vinyl furniture coverings?

Far too uptight.
No small.child wants to be banished to his bedroom or to the orangey to play, away from mum. Invest in a toybox for the living room. Help your son clean up at the end of the afternoon.

Neither here nor there, but this is why open plan isn't a good idea. One thing out of place and your home looks unkempt.

Kindly, but bluntly, young children feel secure and comfortable playing when mum is in sight.

There is nothing to be gained from "holding the boundary" and forcing a child of five to play in a room apart from his mother.

That is unless you count a very tidy looking house as a value that is higher than the best interests of the child.

He can be helped to clear up toys in the living room every evening. The OP can learn to watch where she's stepping. The child won't be five forever. The OP will have her toy-free living room back before she knows it.

It’s completely reasonable to feel frustrated when the lounge fills up with toys, especially since it’s a smaller space and quickly becomes cluttered or even unsafe. Wanting to keep the lounge clear isn’t being uptight; it’s about setting healthy boundaries so each room serves its purpose. Children benefit from learning that shared spaces need to be respected, while still having plenty of room to play in their designated areas.
One practical idea is to allow a single basket in the lounge for toys, with the rule that everything must go back to the orangery or bedrooms at the end of the day. Turning tidying into a short family routine or even a game can make it easier for the kids to accept.
It may also help to look for books or resources on organizing family spaces and teaching children responsibility. These often provide creative strategies and playful approaches that make tidying less of a battle and more of a habit.

Maybe they want to play in the same room as the rest of the family rather than be shut away in their bedrooms or in the conservatory.
Are you not allowed to take books or magazines into the living room or does everyone just have to sit there tidily?
Let them bring their toys through. Just tell them the have to take them back when their finished.
Kids have stuff and clutter - you’ll be making them feel unwelcome in their home if you keep doing this.

@mathanxiety I do agree. My lounge has always looked like toys r us and we have always stepped over train tracks etc until our children were older. I believe in children being in the main space in the home and not confined to bedrooms etc. I probably should not have included orangery in my reply (I did so based on what the OP wants to do). Essentially, it appears to me that the son has worked out that Mum will always give in first and he will not have to tidy up. I suspect, on that basis, neither the tidying nor the confinement of toys to the orangery will work.

This.

My living room is generally clutter free - because I have teenagers now who are in their rooms or on screens or hanging out with friends. I do feel nostalgic for some of the toys, like the dolls house with all the tiny furniture! I loved that.

OP the toy phase is not for ever. I like a tidy house, but I also wanted my children to feel relaxed in their own home.

My solution was toy boxes / baskets (children’s toys should be robust enough to survive being put in a toy box, if they aren’t then they are not good quality, or not age appropriate).
I had a load of IKEA boxes for different types of toys eg a cars box, a dolly box, a train box, a basket for dolls house stuff, a food/kitchen box, an animals box, a musical instruments box, a dressing-up box etc.

We’d get out a few boxes each day, but not ALL the toys. That way it was easier to tidy as we would just chuck things into the right box, and they would get less bored of the toys, as they would be rotated. I would get them to do some token tidying so they had helped and I would quickly do the rest.

I can’t believe it takes you 2 hours to tidy a night - that’s crazy! I guess if you are putting everything exactly back - but be honest, does it really matter if a slice of toy pizza goes missing for a while under the sofa or bottom of the toy box? Are the children really bothered, does it honestly affect their play - or is it you that’s bothered?
And if they are asking for a specific toy that’s lost then that’s a good opportunity to get them to help tidy up and look for it. They learn consequences of actions.

But children should be allowed to play with toys freely in different ways, just because a toy is designed to be played with in a specific way doesn’t mean they will use it like that. Observe any nursery and by the end of the day the toys are usually mixed up!

Do you think your son is picking up on your stress about things being tidy and in the right places, and that’s why he’s so resistant to doing it? If he thinks he’s going to get it ‘wrong’ and has to find all the pieces or mummy won’t be happy, he is much less likely to want to do it.

But please relax and try to accept this is how kids of this age are, and it does not last. Think about other peoples’ houses you have visited on play dates. Which did you all enjoy visiting the most? (Both you and kids). The tidy one? Or the relaxed one?

Your child just wants to be with you whilst they play. They want to show you what they are playing with and engage with you.

just get them to put them away after.

And yes we did have a ‘play room’ (it’s a Victorian house so guess the correct term would be back parlour!) but I saw it as the toy storage room really as they never stayed in there.

But at the end of the day all the toys would go back in their boxes back into the play room, so the main living room was nice and clutter free for the evening.

The main rule I had was play dough, paint, messy play etc had to be in the kitchen only.

My kids liked to play near me and show me their toys. They’d carry them around, following me and chatting. I don’t know how you’re going to confine all toys to certain rooms?! Perhaps encourage tidy up time before lunch and their bed time.

My autistic son is 8 and the same still. Its going to take ages I can't do it etc. I tell him you can complete a switch game you can tidy up your room and pick up some laundry. My kids used to love having toy versions of my items like a Hoover sweeping brush, mop. They'd love to help me tidy but my son was always a bit lazier. I really struggle with mess but I basically have trained my kids to help.

I'm a single parent so if I don't have my house tidy before bed I'm waking up to mess which is my nightmare. I manage to have the house spotless and toys away by 7:30pm just in time for my youngest bedtime. My children need guidance and reminding but they know mummy will remove any toys left on the floor at night. My kids do bring their toys everywhere in the house and are definitely living room children, which is fine but they have to help me clean up too.

You have to be firm eg if you can't help me put these toys away they'll be donated. Then set a timer and anything left out goes in a black bag. He will likely cry but that's when you could give him one more chance to help put them away properly before they do get donated. Following through with consequences is really important too don't just say I'm going to do this, do it but also allow a chance or two to fix the situation. That should teach him you're serious. Remove his device(if he has one) if he hasn't helped clean up and he can earn it back for tomorrow.

Your ds sounds rather like mine. He is a chaos monkey and used to get overwhelmed when told to tidy up. Same excuses - I caaaaan’t, it’s too haaaard, I’m too tiiiiiiired, I don’t waaaaaant to, with lots of theatrics and tears. Very tempting to give up and do it yourself.

But give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. It is exhausting but you have to dig deep and find the patience to teach them to do it. Break it down. Each tiny piece at a time. Bob, pick up that car in the doorway. Put it in the box. Now that pig, over there. Where’s the farm box? Look it’s here. Put the pig in the farm box. Where are the cows? Find the cows. Now put those in the farm box.

My DS is dyspraxic, and breaking it down to one tiny task at a time is the only way he can cope. He is also a drama queen, and has a lazy streak. He likes to have things his own way, and would become Little Lord Fauntleroy with his staff doing everything for him, given half a chance.

So in order to turn him into a civilised adult who doesn’t expect everyone to run around after him, we have to make him do these things. Steal ourselves against the tears, the drama, and patiently keep saying pick up the cow, pick up your pants, pick up your school bag, put your cup in the dishwasher.

It is endlessly tiring and maddening. But the alternative is an entitled child who has everything done for him, and we all know the sort of adults those children turn into.

If you really want to sound upper class, and have an orangery instead of, say, a conservatory, then you really need to stop using the word ‘lounge’. Hotels and Inns have lounges, houses have drawing rooms, or perhaps sitting rooms, or, if you must, living rooms. Of course, such societal tells and rules are nonsense, but so too is the use of orangery. Unless, of course, you live at Blenheim or Kensington Palace… out of interest, how many orange trees do you have in it?

Are they bringing them in while you're sat in the lounge on the sofa? I don't mean this comment in a bad way at all but maybe your children just want to be near you while they're playing and it's because you're in there that they migrate into the space next to you with thier toys? Might not be a conscious thing but children do this.

Call it what you like?regional dufference.
No on3 has a drawing room or parlour in 2026 unless a mansion...but if you want to call ypurs that go ahead
Estate agents say "reception" or "living" space
I call it australian "lounge room". After having australian nanny

yes that's what i suggested....OP could move eg a sofa and the bookcase....OP's response? "I don't wanna"

I have got an orange, lemon and lime in my orangery.....its actually the "breakfast" half of the kitchen repurposed for plants