To not want toys brought into the lounge?

[ohnononofenton]

So in context, our downstairs area is all open plan. There’s a smallish lounge, a dining room and then an orangery. The children’s toys and games are in the orangery and their bedrooms.

They both but especially my five year old keep bringing them into the lounge. I hate it. It’s mostly because the lounge is on the small side so quickly gets full, toys get trampled on, end up under the sofa and the TV unit. I end up skidding on toy cars and parts of tool boxes all the time.

I am trying to be quite firm about keeping toys in the orangery or bedrooms. Or is this just too uptight? It’s an ongoing battle keeping the house fairly tidy and I don’t do a bad job but it is a lot of work.

I know this has already been said but kids make mess, because they are kids and their brains don't work the same way as adults.

They want to play with their toys, and they want do to it close to their parents. They don't want to have to disappear off to a seperate room for controlled, contained play.

With the best will in the world, if you have kids you have to accept that your house is no longer entirely yours.

There is a very, very easy solution anyway. Buy a big plastic tub. At the end of the day, chuck all the toys into said tub. It will take literally 5 minutes.

Definitely, but organising them perfectly every night is too much and nobody does this!

Chuck it all in one 'crap basket' of toy minestrone and organise it back into it's rightful place once a week/every few weeks for them, when YOU want to. If they're kicking off for a piece of something in the meantime, they can check the basket themselves.

There's got to be a balance between teaching them life skills and responsibility, and indulging their play.

There are natural consequences to not taking care of your stuff. It gets lost, it gets broken, etc.

The crap basket is a very gentle way of doing that.

And if they've not touched something in the crap basket for months, then it's obviously time for that to find a new home ☺️

oh it doesn't last forever op.

Let them play and enjoy themselves - it's a sign of good parenting! at least they aren't on ipads the whole time.

This trick has never worked with my kids. Even my normally fairly compliant two year old has figured out all she needs to do is say no to both choices.

They do play and they do enjoy themselves, no issue with that.

I agree.

The problem with the natural consequences is that they get lost and broken and then … ?

If I say to ds you didn’t tidy the ice cream set away so it’s lost he doesn’t see the error of his ways and start tidying. It just doesn’t work like that. Maybe it should but it doesn’t.

That is only a solution if every toy sort of exists on its own. If it’s a toy with multiple parts, it’s not.

They probably want to play where you are, that’s understandable.

Of course it is. Just chuck everything into the tub, and then all the bits are together in the tub. Who cares if the kid needs to spend a couple of minutes digging through to find 2 bits of their hotwheels set, or if one bit finds it's way under the sofa?

The alternative is you carry on constantly nagging a 5 year old and dealing with the fallout of that. Just take the easy route.

...and then they're gone, and you comfort them and remind why you asked them to tidy in the first place; not to be mean, but to make sure they can carry on playing with the things they like. Losing a toy is not the end of the world, it sounds like you have a lovely home with a decent amount of space and income, so they will have plenty of toys. If they really want something back that's disappeared, then they need to prove they can look after their toys before you replace them.

If it gets to a point where certain toys are too often getting lost/broken, then readjust your expectations and don't buy those toys for them again until they're a bit older.

If they ask for them before you think they're ready, then work on skills that help them keep those toys together and tidy.

A bit like how using play dough helps with handwriting.

I used to have 1 tub of toys in living room and would put key toys they played with in tub but like you expected mostly toys in the bedroom. I didn’t get up tight about toys in living room as long as they were put right away. Now I have a kitten she had toys in all rooms and my kids tell me I’m making a mess lol

OP I keep asking and you don't answer, why not move some of your furniture into the orangery?

The short answer is because I don’t want to. But in more detail:

The bookcase wouldn’t fit.

The TV is in the lounge on the TV cabinet because, obvious really

the orangery is a lot bigger than the lounge. The children’s toys are in there for that reason. It isn’t a straight swap.

@DonnyBurrito no. You don’t comfort them because they aren’t arsed 😂

No one’s saying losing a toy is the end of the world. The whole point though is that I don’t want ds going the other way. That’s why I haven’t ever bagged them up and put them in a bin bag because I want to encourage him to respect his and others’ belongings by treating them with care, I don’t expect him to be there yet: he’s five. But at the moment as I’ve explained he just can’t/wont tidy. It is definitely on me until that changes.

Lock the lounge while kids are awake.

It’s all open plan. If that was serious, which I don’t think it was.

the orangery is bigger than the lounge but the bookcase wouldn't fit.....oooooookaaaaaay

@ohnononofenton What a thread 😅 I’m sorry some of the replies have not been helpful and I apologise if my contributions are preaching to the choir.

1. ”Tidy” is a state of being. “Tidying” achieves this state. Why is this state desirable? What are the small steps towards it? Asking a young child to “tidy the toys” is like asking an adult to “cook dinner”. What’s for dinner? What’s already in the fridge? What do we need to buy? What’s the recipe? And plenty of unexpected speed bumps along the way. Tidying is just a vague to a child. You need to provide the structure and organisation as you are the one that knows what the state of “tidy” is. Things like (big mess of mixed up toys) “I’ll collect the dominoes and you collect the blocks” or both have a basket and race to see who can get the most magnatiles etc. Think of it as sorting the mess! It’s still a mess but at least like is with like. I know you said you had a clear out, but it sounds like the amount is overwhelming you and your son when it comes to tidying. I’m not saying get rid of more, but you can try putting things away and slowly reintroducing more as he gets better at tidying and keeping like with like.
2. I would let the children have toys all over the house, but I agree not a mess! The house is their home too and it always will be. This kind of control creates teenagers that won’t come out of their rooms. My mother had very intense rules about tidying and where children should be. I was never allowed to bring toys downstairs. I had a playroom, but it was a solitary place without adults so that’s what I learned. I’ve unpicked this in therapy and am doing differently with my own kids. We actually only use the bedrooms for sleeping and dressing. My own bedroom is completely toy free and that’s my sanity! The children have an organised presence in every other room.

Put sensors on the doors of the orangery. When the kids try to take toys out of the orangery, the sensors will detect toys being taken out of it, and beep loudly. Or maybe put a sign on the lounge door —Adult zone only: trespassers and toys will be escorted back to orangery.

@FunnyOrca i promise I give it have given him very clear instructions, like ‘please put this Lego back in the box’ and ‘let’s put the blocks back in the tub.’ I do it with him, but it ends in me just doing it while he moans and says he can’t. I really don’t know why it’s so difficult for him but it is and so I have to accept that for now.

What I need is really for him (and dd, but honestly ds is the main culprit) is to stop strewing things all over the house. Keeping them in one room does work: others seem to think this is me not wanting to be near them or crazy things like that, it isn’t, it’s just makes life so much easier. I honestly don’t think they have a horrible life at all. It’s not like I’m going berserk, screaming and shouting, when toys are taken out. I just calmly ask for them to be returned or to be taken upstairs.

The lounge is small. The dining room not as small but there’s a big table and chairs which takes up most of the space. These and the kitchen are the only areas I’d ideally like to be kept clear from toys - to save me running around at the end of the day so much.

Oh? Sorry, I approached it like that because you said they'd kick off if they couldn't find some puzzle pieces or whatever. It sounded like you were worried about their reaction to not having all their toys available at all times.

There's no need to put anything in bin bags ever and I would never suggest that, because of the message that sends. My son is 4.5 and I use 'the Santa shop' (charity shop) as a place his old toys go. But this is already set up as a positive thing to do with kindness, once he's grown out of things, they go onto the Santa shop so other children can enjoy them. I don't force it, but I would say if he was refusing to look after a toy then maybe it should go to the Santa shop for another little boy to enjoy. His reaction would be something I could work with. He's not arsed, they go. He's arsed, they stay but under the condition he takes care of them(/actually plays with them!).

I don't understand the issue if they're not arsed if their toys are missing?

Quickly chuck them in an aesthetically pleasing basket that can live in your living room and be done with it.

What do you mean, going the other way?

At your kids’ age, I was really scared of being alone. My home was from the 1700s, and as a young child, I really got spooked playing where my parents weren’t nearby (used to drive them nuts! In their mind, I had tons of space, but I just did not feel comfortable being upstairs when they weren’t close by).

My younger one does but she does tidy up and doesn’t tend to leave things around so much; she takes the odd thing here or there but the carnage in her wake isn’t an issue,

I don’t want to church everything in a box: I have done that before and it was chaos. The kids couldn’t play with anything because toys were all mixed and strewn in together. It took me forever to sort it and I’d like to keep it together in a bit of order so they can play. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I must get some sleep after my hellish night last night.

What is orangery?? 🍊
(I'm not British by origin).
Yes, we have an open area downstairs as well and toys would probably irritate me.
However, I chose not to have kids.
You sound quite fun, though.