To not want toys brought into the lounge?

[ohnononofenton]

So in context, our downstairs area is all open plan. There’s a smallish lounge, a dining room and then an orangery. The children’s toys and games are in the orangery and their bedrooms.

They both but especially my five year old keep bringing them into the lounge. I hate it. It’s mostly because the lounge is on the small side so quickly gets full, toys get trampled on, end up under the sofa and the TV unit. I end up skidding on toy cars and parts of tool boxes all the time.

I am trying to be quite firm about keeping toys in the orangery or bedrooms. Or is this just too uptight? It’s an ongoing battle keeping the house fairly tidy and I don’t do a bad job but it is a lot of work.

What a spiteful post.

What a spiteful post.

I grew up in a household where I had lots of toys and an absolute mental mother that wouldn't let me play with them. Don't be like that. Eventually the toy playing stage goes, try to make this stage a nice memory for them

For what it’s worth, I would look at that toy and think, far too many bits and pieces there 😂

I love my friend’s orangery, it’s better than our garden room …called such by the builders.

Stick to your no toys rule, it’s your house, and you will be happier as a result.

We had years of a nightmarish overflowing box in our sitting room.
So lovely when it went.

And I wouldn’t judge for a moment but just putting it out there - why is that acceptable but my saying ‘keep it all in this one room’ isn’t? (I don’t mean you obviously.)

And it is a great toy and they’ve had a lot of pleasure out of it. Same with the toy kitchen, the mechanic set, the dressing up clothes and the LEGO. But I can’t spend my life hunting the bits down!

Sorry you've been getting a hard time about the orangery.

It's a tricky one because I can see both sides, I love nothing more than sitting on the sofa on a Saturday with a book while DD (also 5) plays with her dollhouse next to me. Everyone so often she will throw me a little smile between playing. But the little tiny bits were trying my patience, in the summer we had the living room decorated and I was determined to make it better - we now have a huge wicker basket next to the dollhouse where we throw (with reckless abandon) all the tiny little bits in, which has made it much quicker to tidy that room now. We've also stuffed black pool noodles underneath furniture to stop toys (and dog toys) from going under tv cabinets/sofas which makes it a bit more manageable! For other toys I have a 'random' box where everything gets thrown and then once a week (sundays) we sort the box and her bedroom out together, her bedroom is usually a mess all week but Sunday she has to tidy it to get her pocket money, she moans about it every week but I just remind her that she doesn't get her pocket money if she doesn't help.

I get that this might not work for your DS, especially with you saying you're not sure if there are additional needs at play. But I just wanted to share what works for us in case anything helps!

If you find redirecting him to the orangery works best for his behaviour and your relationship, then i agree with you, it's sometimes better to take the path of least resistance. As I often say to myself in times of need, this too shall pass.

Even if you're doing all the tidying up I'd talk to him about why we tidy so it helps him to learn the skill later when he may be less resistant. Maybe start a tradition of offering to do something together after tidying up then following through even if he doesn't help but if he ever makes an effort to help tidy you can be like 'ooh this is a great idea DS, we'll get done much quicker with everyone helping', or could you try redirect him to another more 'grown up' job while you tidy. Within the last few months DD has taken over the job of setting the table for dinner (she doesn't do a great job but cutlery usually makes it to somewhere on the table - even if I end up with 2 knives and dad with 2 forks haha).

Honestly? This is just normal life. Little pieces of toys get misplaced or lost all the time and then found again. It’s literally just little pieces of wooden pizza toppings, not a big deal. You sound quite uptight.

The kids will gravitate to wherever the adults are.

Asking “what’s an orangery?” is hardly cunty!

OP, yanbu.
Not everyone is happy for every inch of their house to be colonised by their children.

It is very normal to try to contain the toys.
I certainly did in a room we called the Den.
They each also had a box with a few toys in their rooms.

They did tidy-up every day, which took a good year to train my stubborn eldest to do, but was so worth it because the next 3 followed his training.

We had an adult space that they might come into in the evening with a toy when they were small, but it was very much an adult sitting room.

Likewise with our open plan living area, they played with a couple of toys, but they were returned to the toy boxes.

It really is perfectly normal to raise children in a tidy, clean, organised house where the house is completely tidied at the end of every day.

This lays good habits down and all my children, now young adults enjoy a tidy space, even during their messy teenage years.

Good habits are worth instilling early if you can find the energy.
Their is a payback as they grow up.
Doing regular clear outs is a great habit too.

It’s a good idea to talk to him about why we tidy. Thank you for your thoughtful post

It’s not a good idea to be too hung up on keeping all the bits together at all costs. Kids need to be able to have uninterrupted, immersive imaginative play where their toys become whatever they’re needed to be…mine used to make massive railway/town/farm/jungle mashups stretching over several rooms. Bits of plastic cauliflower from the play kitchen got drafted in as extra sheep for one game. They can’t let go and be creative if you won’t let them.

Start with frequent, very short, one-step cleanup sessions. Get a visual timer and ask for 30 seconds of a specific tidying task. "Put as many toys in the bin as you can before the timer runs out and then we'll head to the the park/eat snack." If he wants you to join in then do join in (you can also see if parallel tasks work - you do another task in the room for the same time period). It's not a big multi-step project and there's absolutely no question of how long it will take because you're setting a time limit in advance.

When you're playing with him and transitioning between fun activities then practice completing small tasks together as a natural part of the transition by putting away one thing before getting the next out. "There's no room to play with this, let's make space" is a great explanation. You can even set this up by initiating a dining-table activity prior to a fun snack or favorite dinner and then asking him to clear the table with you so you can use it for eating. Again, keep it very short and simple. For now, avoid trying to get him to tidy before bed or when transitioning to any sort of not-fun activity.

Him doing a very small amount of cleaning up is better than you doing it all - the latter isn't giving you anything to build on.

I do still recommend having manageable some toy storage in the lounge rather than trying to ban them from the main living space entirely.

Sorry last point..we also toy rotate , so they don’t have everything out at once. Maybe put the dressing up stuff away or whatever for a month or two and then swap it out , less stuff, less carnage

Anyone else have to Google what an orangery is? I'm in my 30s and have never heard of it

I don't really understand what an orangery is but I really really want one in my house.

I don’t have an orangery so kids played in the lounge. They soon learnt that I at least needed to be able to get from the kitchen to the stairs without having to tip toe over the Brio, and that they’d be helping to clear up, so the more mess the longer to tidy.

Orangery 😂

A hyacinth bucket term if ever i heard one

This is completely normal. Children want to play where you are, they'll stray into the lounge with toys if you tend to drift off there.

Orangery😂😂😂😂…. Someone’s up their own arse !

Kids need to be able to have uninterrupted, immersive imaginative play where their toys become whatever they’re needed to be…mine used to make massive railway/town/farm/jungle mashups stretching over several rooms.

No, they do not need to do this.... i was never allowed to and my children aren't either. Guess what, I'm a happy and successful adult that thrived nonetheless! True creativity isn't doing whatever you want with no limits, its doing it with what you have available to you.

I had to Google it 😭

Yabu to call it an Orangery. Unless you grow oranges in it. Ha ha.
And very unreasonable to not be happy about your kids using their home as their home. If you had a totally separate lounge (4 walls and a door) then that would be easy to keep separate and for the kids to understand that. As your downstairs is open plan, thats huge play area for your kids. I would let them be kids.

It's a bit like how people create desire lines, kids will play where they want to and where their parents are. My living room is more like a playroom with two sofas and a tv in 😅 but it's just where my son likes to be because we're there too.

@ohnononofentonI like an orangery - so much nicer than a conservatory! And YANBU. I hate mess.