I’m cheating what to do

[ashamedclown]

Hi all. For the last couple of years I have realised fallen out of love with my DH. We’ve been married for twenty five years and got married in our late teens and we both came from religious households (I am no longer religious myself). We have three children together (19, 17, and 16). I don’t hate him but I just no longer can stand being around him. I am ashamed but for the last nine months I have been having an affair. He’s not in a relationship and he is generous and kind. He says now that I have to tell my husband about us so that we can officially get together but this would mean admitting to what I’ve done. I don’t know my children or parents would react to me having done something so horrible. What should I do?

End the affair.
End your marriage.
Spend some time alone with your conscience.
Relationships that start as affairs have a really low likelihood of lasting, after all both people are pretty shitty.

Also get an sti check. And hope it's clear

This is going to get very messy. Expect your family to side with DH especially if they are religious. You obviously see a future with your man from the gym, but does he see a future with you? 9 months is no time at all, and when your meetings are no longer clandestine, the shine will wear off pretty quickly. Also think about your children and how this break up is going to affect them, although I am not advising staying together for the sake of the DC.

I'm clearly going to the wrong gym. The blokes at mine are either students, gym bros who can't tear their eyes away from their own reflections, or OAPs.
😕

Admit what you have done to your husband, it's the least you can do for him after betraying him for 9 months. Then wait for Karma to come along, I hope it comes soon.

I think you have to BE HONEST. You find a time to tell your husband with kindness and then you tell your children individually with the expectation that they will be initially extremely upset and cross with you and may well side with your husband.

I really hope you are independent in terms of finances and won’t be leaning on the new guy for accommodation and a prop up as you try and organise your divorce. My advice would be to move out of the family home and create distance and date the new guy properly.

Good luck.

What a spiteful little post. Hopefully it will keep you warm for days to come.

Tell your husband asap.

Im single maybe i should sign up.
Seems to be the gym is where the action is 😆.

1. End your affair.
2. Leave your husband
3. Have a relationship if you want to.

Simples.

You stop seeing this other man. You seperate from your husband and start the wheels formally OP.

You can't see this other bloke though, you need to do it cleanly.

It's time to be a grown up and stop running away or distracting yourself with oxytocin l.

I’m really sorry and I can’t judge (and don’t mean to) but cheating is just awful. You won’t be the first or the last person to cheat, and I sympathise that people do it for many reasons and it absolutely doesn’t mean you’re a bad person but I do feel sorry for your husband for when he finds out this has been going on.

Falling out of your husband = entirely understandable but you should have told him that, got divorced or separated and then started dating / or started the romantic relationship with this new man.

please tell your husband ASAP, your children will probably be shocked and might be upset / disappointed but you’re still there mother so I’m sure everything will work out in the end.

Think about whether you want either of these men. Certainly end your marriage amicably if you consider it is over. Don't mention the affair. Pause the other relationship for several months, get your ducks in a row, then see if either of you you want to resume it.

Honestly I would keep the affair quiet . But definitely leave your husband ASAP.
And then in the future mention you have met someone to your children.
They probably wont think very highly of you if they find out you cheated .
It was a very mean thing to do. You should have ended your marriage and had some self control .

I would not want to ruin the relationship with my children. Finish with the guy, end your marriage and focus on rebuilding your life.

This isn't the place to ask OP. Just do what causes the minimum hurt. It sounds like you're planning to end the relationship soon anyway so the cheating is fairly irrelevant and you don't need to announce it to the whole world. You don't need to walk on your knees for 100 miles through the desert repenting. These things happen.

Well you need to end your marriage obviously. I think what you're doing is disgusting so there's no cosy wee questions here about how you met. Whether you stay with this man is up to you.

Although don't end your marriage for this man, who probably isn't as nice as you think he is. Most of them aren't.

Op how would you feel if your husband done it to you.

Ive been cheated on and it's the worst feeling you can have.
I felt second best humiliated because I didnt see it coming, felt like a laughing stock as they both talked shit behind my back about me.

I wanst married thank god but I felt worthless.
I did say to him when I first found out, why didnt you just leave break up with me then go with someone else, at least have some dignity and save me the shame and hurt.

He stayed with her but done the same to her 7 months later and left her pregnant for someone else.
She tried to tell me how sorry she was bla bla bla I replied with one line, karma hes your problem not mine.

Cheaters dont steal our man or woman they take the problem from us, and it's a while before we see it.

Wait a minute…you’ve been married 25 years and don’t hate your husband? He sounds like a catch. I’m single. Please have him message me, maybe we could figure something out.

Answering your question, you now stop the affair and decide whether you want to also stop the marriage. Then if you are eventually single again, you can get into another relationship at that time.

You didn’t ask for correction, but I would be remiss not to let you know that your affair partner is not a kind person. Kind people don’t have affairs with married people.

Good luck!

Coming from somebody who cheated on my ex husband (not something I am proud of, but it was an abusive relationship) - and having had the experience of eventually leaving this husband...

You need to just bite the bullet and leave your husband. You then need to be on your own and remain SINGLE for a long time afterwards to heal from a breakdown of a long term marriage and learn about what you really want.

Somewhat harsh!
Easy to see how you can fall for someone else but I strongly recommend that OP puts the breaks on and consider reinvesting in her marriage.
Real life is very different to the giddiness of an affair!
Can you sell support?
Would you move out and let children decide what they want to do?
Easy to see how couples get fed up with each other and caught up in the challenges of domesticity and family life.
OP, please be careful what you wish for.
Your marriage may be able to be saved. Take care OP