Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

If you think you situation is 'bad'. My friend didn't change her surname had a kid and double barrelled the kids surname, they then split, with a really nasty breakup with her ex becoming very abusive. Friend moved on quickly, married (keeping her own name again) had a few more kids and double barrelled their surnames, her first and second husband both had the same very common surname.
Nearly two decades on we still all laugh about how much it must piss her ex off!!

When i got divorced i tried to change back to my name before i married. You'd be surprised how diffocult it is. All.my vocational qualifications ( certificates, diplomas etc. ) were in my married name, as well as a whole bunch of other things. It was expensive and time consuming and in the end i gave up. Too much trouble. It had nothing to do with wanting to keep his name. I absolutely didnt want to. Sometimes things are just easier and life's too short. So ive been Mrs. Blah for 30 years. Who cares.

This is what I would do if my ex asked me to change my name. I'd take it more. 😉🤣

I have my ex-husband's surname. We have a child together. I won't be changing my name when my son is 30 because it is the name I have built my career around and because I bitterly regret ever changing it in the first place, so I'm not doing it again. Changing your name is bloody weird.

My ex has remarried. His new wife shares his surname, and therefore mine. I doubt very much that she has feelings about this.

Your husband's ex spent 16 years as a legal guardian of his child and presumably wanted to have the same surname as said child, for his sake and for the sake of ease at school etc. You expecting her to change her name when she's had it for so long just because she's no longer the kid's legal guardian is absolutely ridiculous. Grow up.

My DH’s ex wife kept ‘his’ name. After they divorced, thirty years ago, she remarried so changed her name to her new husband’s but when they divorced she went back to her ex ex husbands. The kids were all grown up and didn’t care (some had changed their own names due to marriage) so nothing to do with keeping the same name as them.
I couldn’t care less. Quietly I think it’s a bit sad. She claims to hate him, I struggle to
imagine why she wants to keep the name. If I ever divorced the first thing I would do would be to ditch the name.
So yeah, a bit sad, but it doesn’t bother either of us.

You'd have quite the shitshow on your hands if she changed back to her maiden name and their son followed suit just to make the point. After all he would hardly want people to think you're his mother?

Leave it, it's none of your business and just one of the "hazards" of marrying a recycled man.

Haven’t RTFT but can predict what it says.

Newsflash: women own their names, not just men. Doesn’t matter where it came from, it’s theirs and nobody else has a right to an opinion on it.

This sexism belongs in the dark ages. It blows my mind that women still change their names because that used to happen when women literally were owned by men.

I can't see why it bothers you they've been divorced years and she's had that name for a long time so it has just become her name

I’ve kept my cheating exh’s surname as it’s my dc name. Couldn’t care less what he or his new gf thinks.

YABU. If she uses the name, it's her name.

If a married woman goes to court, for example, and gives her married name she will be asked to state her maiden name, as in: Jean Luc nee Maiden

I'd be interested to hear which courts do this - and how they handle people who have different names for other reasons. I've not heard of this is in the UK, but my court experience is mainly criminal with some family.

In all the courts I've been in, people are just asked to give their name and the court simply uses the name on their paperwork. All known previous names and aliases will be in their files if they are defendants - I've met people with over 20 of those - but I've never seen people asked to state any previous names.

I changed my name from what's on my birth certificate at 18. If I was asked to state my maiden name, I'd ask for clarification.

Is the name really unusual, are you the only ones with the name? Also do you live in a small community with the ex?
Or is it the thought of him fucking her that pisses you off?

It’s about time men and children took women’s names for a bit now, isn’t it?

Bianca Jagger never changed her name

She probably just prefers the name! If my original name was Mary Higginbottom and I’d married a Mr Darke, I’d stay with Mary Darke.

Have you read any of the other replies to this thread?

I've been separated from my exH for 26 years and divorced for 24. I took his surname originally for professional reasons and kept it for the same reasons.

It's her surname. It's not a loan: it's hers just as much as his. I really dislike the tradition of taking the man's name on marriage, but it's even worse if he thinks he can somehow take it back! So, what, women don't actually get to own their own names?

I’ve spent more of my life with my married name than I did my “maiden” name (agree with a PP about that term!). Despite divorcing I’m in no hurry to change my name.

Recycled! 😆

Anyhoo @ByCyanPlayer YABVU. If I had got divorced from DH say even 5-7 years into our marriage, (after we had had a couple of children together,) no way would I have got rid of my 'married' name. The kids have my married name/DH's name and I wouldn't have wanted to have a different name to them. (Assuming I didn't re-marry of course. But I would never have remarried until my DC were adults....)

I actually like my married name more than my maiden name. My maiden name is a bit of mouthful, and my first name/Christian name is a very unusual one. My DH's surname (now mine of course,) is a plain 2 syllable name, and went much better with my unusual first name!

@ByCyanPlayer You say your DH was only married to this woman for 2 years, but they had a child together, (who I assume has your husband's surname) so why should your husband's ex not keep the surname? As a pp said, it's HER surname now. Not a name that's on loan until they are divorced. LOADS of women keep their married name for some years after divorce, especially if they had children together.

I am sure that there are more people in the world with your husband's surname! Chill your boots. It's not your business. 😎

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DH’s first wife kept his name. I have been married to him for 20+ years, never bothered me in the slightest.

My situation exactly. My new husband was happy for me to double barrel my previous married name with his surname if I wanted to or to just keep my first married name as it was the same as my 2 sons. I decided to just take my second husbands name. We've been married for 22 years. If I hadn't remarried I would have kept my first married name until death. Of the 3 surnames I've had in my life it was actually the one I felt was most 'me'
I have a friend who married her first husband, took his name, divorced him, returned to her maiden name, remarried, took her second husband's name, divorced him and went back to her maiden name. Ridiculous.

I never liked my maiden name, loved my first married name and had 2 children also with that name. I don't love my second married name but I love the man it is attached to and have had that name for 22 years. I kept my first married name after my divorce because I genuinely liked it, felt it fitted me and it was the same name as my 2 sons. My exhusband was not a nice man, had a criminal record and ultimately ruined the life of his second wife and then killed himself. I think I would be a very, very sad individual to be mourning the loss of a man like that.

If she's had the name 30 years then her maiden name is probably a distant memory now. She's not hurting anyone.

How bizarre, why are you bothered? Keep the name you’ve had for however many years if names mean that much to you? Or your DH can change his name to yours?

You can’t seriously want someone else to change a name they willingly adopted just because you now aren’t happy?

Why should she. I wouldn’t.
Also it’s my son’s surname.

I honestly can’t believe this has riled you for 28 years.

Would you class yourself as an insecure and jealous person? Why would you even think about it after 28 years. It’s quite sad really.