Friend ordered something from business and hasn’t paid

[SmallWorrier]

This is a really awkward situation! I recently started my own business where I sell goods that I’ve made. Im lucky it took off quickly and am managing to make it work so far. I mostly sell to strangers as I knew I’d struggle to sell and take money from friends if they ordered. These items are for children.

a couple of friends have ordered for their children and I’ve always sold them much lower than I would to strangers, not making a profit but breaking even on materials. A friend asked about ordering 3 items for her daughter for Christmas, which would usually have come to £30. I told her £10 would be ok. She took the items and her daughter got them for Christmas and has been wearing them however she didn’t pay for them. At the time I offered bank details and she said she’d pay cash. I’ve seen her a few times and last time I mentioned her daughter looked nice in what I’d made and her reply was “oh I’ll pay you at some point.” The woman is usually complaining about being skint however books nice holidays etc. I feel awkward but frustrated as I did them at a cheap price anyway and taking on her order before Christmas meant I couldn’t take on as many other ones (I only take so many a month to make sure they get done in good time and I don’t overwhelm myself). This is the reason I don’t want to take orders from friends!! I’ve asked a couple of times now with no reply. I don’t want to lose the friendship or people think ill of me by pushing it, especially in our small community. WIBU to ask again for the money or should I just let it go?

Spot on.

And its not causing a scene to calmly and politely ask her to pay you for the goods she ordered.

Its just not. Its normal.

If any scene is caused, she will be the one showing herself up by doing it.

Just to repeat. It's not the money, its that your kind and generous friendship is not even worth £10 to her.. and it is assertive to let her know that she cannot treat you and dismiss your new venture as worthless in what is in reality quite a contemptuous manner.

Any awkwardness or embarrassment in this situation should be felt by her not you. If a text message doesn’t sort it out, tell your most gossipy friend ‘in confidence’ that she hasn’t paid you.

She will never pay you and you are too shy to ask and she knows 😬

what’s with the “oh she looks nice in my necklace… hint hint” instead of saying “you forgot to pay”

best not to sell to friends if you are too shy to ask them to pay maybe (also she sounds a shit friend tbh)

This. Mark the extra as a late fee

TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW THAT SHES STIFFING YOU TOO.

You’ve made a couple of mistakes here:

1. Do not do yourself a disservice, your items are worth more than you are selling to friends. I understand “mates rates” but you’re a small business starting up, if anything as a friend I’d be MORE than willing to pay you what the goods are worth and I wouldn’t expect you to sell them cheaper to me. If anything a friend should want to purchase at full price imo.

2. You need to stand up for yourself and say “I’m glad DD loved the items I made, can you please send £10 to me with my details xxxxxx by tomorrow latest”

I would follow up with her not for the £10 as such, but just to have that off your chest, i's going to irk you until you can let it go!

I think she is massively taking the piss .I think for ten quid just let it go this time.However a small discount say 10 to 20 percent is enough. a tenner makes her think it's not worth it.You are underselling yourself!

“oh I’ll pay you at some point.”

What an arrogant, dismissive reply.

I would probably drop the £10 this time but make sure to take payment from her before she orders next time.

She sounds like a user and I would definitely distance myself from her a bit.

Any update?

tbh it is a nice, relatively cheap lesson in a few things.

One of which is not to do "mates rates", or not unless they pay upfront. The other is to always issue an invoice so you can chase up in the small claims court if necessary.

The other is to keep business and private (friendships) separate.

Good luck with the business though!

ETA: forgot the most important point! Learn to value your work. Properly.

More fool you!

I voted you were unreasonable because Mates Rates is a nonsense you need to stop. And when people buy goods they usually have to hand over the money before they get them.

Your business is not going to be a success unless you learn how to run a business.

That reinforces the mates rates things and that you're not a commercial enterprise being run professionally. Theres your friendship and coffee drinking, and then there's your business

Better that than nothing. But still over apologetic - "wondering if you could pay me". Not 'wondering', not 'could' - but a simple request tho pay the £10 price for the clothes purchased in [December] of last year

Why should she drop the £10?
She sold her three items that she normally sells for £30.
Why should this "friend" get away with taking advantage of her?
Why shouldn't she say outright "You need to pay me that £10. Can I have it now please? No excuses! It's her money!

My opinion differs from yours.

It what I’d do but not what you’d do. OP will decide what they want to do.

Some years ago, I lent a colleague at work £20.
I saw him on several occasions after that and he never mentioned it.
He obviously thought that I would be too embarrassed to ask for my money back and he would take advantage of that.
He wasn't short of money either. He and his wife both worked.
It would have annoyed me to let it go and be taken advantage of like that, after all, I had helped him out.
The next time I saw him I said "By the way, you owe me £20".
He immediately stood up, quite embarassed, took out his wallet, gave me the £20 and said "You shouldn't have to ask for it back". We then carried on as normal.

Also, you shouldn't over think this just say "Can you pay me the £10 you owe me now please?" If she says that she doesn't have the cash get her to PayPal you and if she doesn't pay, keep asking her for it until she realises that she isn't going to get away with ripping you off!

Yeah, it's a tenner so if you make the pragmatic decision to let it go then fine. If you are happy to mentally compartmentalise this behaviour and continue the friendship then up to you.

But because you then couldn't take on another order you effectively gave her £20 anyway even if she pays. Don't charge silly mates rates.

Say you want to know exactly when/if she is going to pay you because you need to do your accounts.

I would never be able to forgive this. It might only be a tenner but it's your tenner (and your time). No friend would do this.

There is a difference between a hobby and a business. If this is just something you did for pleasure, then it would be absolutely normal to make something for someone else at cost price and just gift your time, assuming you wanted to and that they were a good friend. But it's not, you're trying to make it work as a business. It's completely disrespectful not to pay you. I would just be professional and say that you're settling up your 2025 accounts, and print an invoice for her if necessary and drop it through her door.

But in future, don't charge mates rates. A good friend will want you to make success of your business and as long as your prices are fair will value the product and pay for your time as well as the materials.

A lot of my friends run their own businesses and I use them for haircuts, waxing, manicures, buying jewellery and all sorts of things. I do it because they are good at what they do and I like to support them. I would never dream of asking for a discount. Most of them charge less than a high street competitor anyway because they are not paying for premises.

Apologies , haven’t read all the replies.

i don’t think she has any interest or intention of paying you…but I’d give it one last shot before I’d write it off. I’d probably send a message along the lines of “hiya! Just clearing up some admin and payments from Christmas and realised the £10 is still outstanding!! If you could ping that over…my bank account is xxxxx”

I think if I didn’t get it then, then I’d have to write it off 😭. I mean how many times do you ask 😭 It’s not easy but I’ve really been working on being more assertive/finding more boundaries/not having my kindness taken for weakness in the last couple of years. It’s hard to address things if you’re essentially a people pleaser like me, but frankly I’d had enough of people taking advantage of me in various ways. I think you need to become a bit tougher.

if you have to , write this one off….but I certainly wouldn’t be going for coffee with her and I certainly wouldn’t be giving out mates rates anymore. Hard as that is, if people, friends or not, want your stuff, then they’re going to have to pay for it! A true friend would want to pay you properly. Not a good example but in the same vein, I had something up on market place years ago. I didn’t want much for it but was embarrassed that someone I knew wanted it. Wasn’t even really a friend, more a friend of a friend. I was prepared to give it to her for nothing, I didn’t feel able to take the money. She insisted. Because that’s what friends do and really she wasn’t even my friend! my husband runs his own business.against his better judgment he did a job for someone he vaguely knew with the promise the money was coming and it never did. We had to chalk it up to experience but my husband will never do that again.

tbh I don’t see the point in telling her you did it cheap. Whilst you did it in kindness that’s on you. It’s like I want to tell everyone on Vinted when I accept their silly offer, what a great bargain they got. I stop myself because they’re not interested in that. It’s on me, I’ve decided to take the offer ,..from their point of view I’ve either to accept it or not

i really do hope she pays you. It does seem awfully unfair

learn from this.
Say nothing but dont "sell" to her again.
If she asks why say you dont have time to make items to give to friends.

She's being cheeky and she knows it.
Ask her for the money. Your run jng a business.
If she dosent like it tough.
That will prove shes notva good friend and you wont be missing out anyway.

Urgh how awkward.
I have a small business and always feel I have to do mates rates for 'friends ' and yet often they are far better off than I am..but when they ask i feel obliged..usually you're pretty much giving g them the item.
Learn from it and ask for money in advance.
I had another friend that paid me by PayPal but it never came to me..I never asked again :(
Good luck with your business 👏

Id of handed her a piece of paper with bank details on and said won't take a minute then I can confirm im person payment received

I’d probably let it go but I’d never do anything else for her. I had a worse experience in many ways- my daughter bought me a cricut machine a few years ago, I made some vintage looking garden signs which a friend admired and liked, and asked me to make her some. Which I did and had to purchase materials for. She never even asked how much the materials were and acted like she’d done ME a favour by flattering me by asking for them !!