Would you been annoyed sleepover

Clavella · 13/01/2026 09:58

‘Wasn’t very nice’ how?

Original poster

Molly2135 · 13/01/2026 10:02

Just nasty to them through drink . Made nasty remakes.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 13/01/2026 10:19

No, I wouldn’t expect another parent to inform me about other adults staying in the house.

But if I had doubts about how sensible the parent was (and based on what you describe, I would), I simply wouldn’t let my dd go for a sleepover.

My dd (13) has a friend with a mum who seems to have a new cokehead boyfriend on rotation every few months. My dd has also shared with me (because she was worried) that the friend is allowed to drink at home. She went over to her house and saw an empty cider can next to her bed. I don’t allow sleepovers because I think she’s a shitty parent. Now you know and you can decide differently in the future.

Starlight1979 · 13/01/2026 10:22

Yeah I mean you can't monitor who is in other people's houses. Nor does the mother have to let you know her partner is staying.

If you're not comfortable with your daughter going then don't let her go.

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/01/2026 10:25

Ultimately, nobody thinks that their own partners / friends / relatives are people who are likely to harm children, so other people aren’t generally going to see it as necessary to inform the parents of children visiting that they’ll be there. You either have to trust the judgement of the parent hosting, or make your own judgement call if you don’t trust their judgement and decline sleepovers regardless of who you think might be present.

Original poster

Molly2135 · 13/01/2026 10:59

mindutopia · 13/01/2026 10:19

No, I wouldn’t expect another parent to inform me about other adults staying in the house.

But if I had doubts about how sensible the parent was (and based on what you describe, I would), I simply wouldn’t let my dd go for a sleepover.

My dd (13) has a friend with a mum who seems to have a new cokehead boyfriend on rotation every few months. My dd has also shared with me (because she was worried) that the friend is allowed to drink at home. She went over to her house and saw an empty cider can next to her bed. I don’t allow sleepovers because I think she’s a shitty parent. Now you know and you can decide differently in the future.

I think you’re right .. and in future I won’t be letting her staying knowing.
My husband is a prison officer in a high security jail .. He was more annoyed than me knowing what he knows and see everyday .. As it was mother and daughter he felt more comfortable.

OP posts:

Mybestdecadeyet · 13/01/2026 11:07

I get it! You thought they were just there with her mum and had absolutely no reason to worry. I don’t allow sleepovers at others houses - but I would make exceptions if going to a single mothers house.

Original poster

Molly2135 · 13/01/2026 11:08

Mybestdecadeyet · 13/01/2026 11:07

I get it! You thought they were just there with her mum and had absolutely no reason to worry. I don’t allow sleepovers at others houses - but I would make exceptions if going to a single mothers house.

You’ve hit the nail on the head here This is exactly my thoughts . X

OP posts:

BlossomOfOrange · 13/01/2026 15:21

If you don’t feel comfortable that’s all there is to it. I have needed to know the family before allowing a sleepover, much to my now teen’s annoyance. I have a good friend whose parenting style is such that I didn’t allow play dates or sleepovers at her house until my child was old enough to be left without a grown up around. I didn’t tell her, I just made an informed choice.

Kelz40 · 13/01/2026 15:22

How do you know he didn’t just turn up that morning? He may not have stayed the night. Also, do you actually know the mum? Are you friends with her or just know her from the school yard so don’t actually know her well?

Never presume. I’ve learnt that lesson.

You allowed her to stay at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, you have to take this as one of life’s lessons. My daughter stayed at a friends house once and I dropped her off not thinking anything of it. Mum and step dad I both knew. It was only later when another friend went to get her daughter as she wasn’t staying over that they’d turned it into a party and the house was full of adults drinking. I rang her and was reassured the kids were fine and no need to collect her, but I did anyway. My daughter wasn’t happy but I couldn’t risk it. And this was my friend! Not someone I barely knew!

Unfortunately, when you let your children have a little freedom and stay over places, you have to trust the adults to keep them safe. Sometimes you’ll know about things you don’t like, sometimes you won’t ever find out. It’s a risk unfortunately as they’re not with you.

HelpMebeok · 13/01/2026 15:22

I would feel really uncomfortable with this. I always think about the family who were murdered by the ex-boyfriend and the little girl had a friend sleeping over and she was murdered too.
I would have to know a family really well to let my children sleep over at their house. Maybe because I work in child protection I'm over cautious.

Mulledjuice · 13/01/2026 15:23

Yes i would have been annoyed. I would also have kicked myself for not checking who would be in the house - I dont think that is an unreasonable question to ask and if someone asked me I would be happy to tell them.

Lennon80 · 13/01/2026 15:23

I’d be livid as you did a risk assessment based on you thinking there was no male in the home, I wouldn’t let my 10 year old daughter sleep over anywhere with an unknown male. It’s never worth the risk.

noidea69 · 13/01/2026 15:24

If it had been her husband, who she was happily married to, but you had never met the husband, would it be different ?

Periandtired · 13/01/2026 15:25

Molly2135 · 13/01/2026 09:57

My daughter went to stay at a friends house as it was her friends birthday . They went for food and then went back to her house for a sleep over .

Two other girls stayed also and she lives with her Mum . When I picked her up the next day I noticed that mums boyfriend was sat there ( the boyfriend she had split up with 3 months before as he hadn’t been very nice ) hadn’t realised they where back together . I was taken aback as didn’t expect him to be there or would be staying the night with the girls . They are 10 years old and I wouldn’t have let her stay knowing that he was staying there as I don’t know this man and what ive been told about tho isn’t really nice .

Am I over reacting or would you feel the same ?

My kids are 17 and 14. They have never stayed anywhere unless I knew exactly who is in the house. They don't stay anywhere if I think there's any over use of alcohol and I don't have anyone to stay on nights my OH is going out for a drink. I never leave my OH alone in a room with any other kids for his safety. I've Worked in mental health services for over 20 years and almost everyone I know with a similar career is like this. You can't be too careful with your kids. They can do sleepovers all they like when they're older and more able to stand up for themselves. I really don't understand the obsession with them in this country tbh.

stargirl27 · 13/01/2026 15:29

YANBU. I'm a family solicitor and unfortunately have had multiple cases where children have been victims of abuse at sleepovers (appreciate I am exposed to this more than the average person, but it's enough of a concern to me that I wouldn't allow sleepovers unless I knew exactly who was in the house and knew them well).

RosesAndHellebores · 13/01/2026 15:29

I would have been less than pleased. It wouldn't happen again.

DS came back from a sleepover once when the father's brother and wife had been staying. Evidently the 4 adults drank wine in the garden and smoked very smelly cigarettes. He didn't have any more sleepovers there.

The parents were both active church members and head teachers. You can never tell.

BustyLaRoux · 13/01/2026 15:29

I don’t think it’s on the host to inform you who is in their house. If you’re concerned then it’s on you to ask. You might say “well I assumed he wouldn’t be there so I didn’t think I needed to ask”. But the you’re the one who made an (incorrect) assumption. Lesson learned: ask next time. Or have a ban on sleepovers (which plenty of parents do for this reason).

Worcestershirem0mmy · 13/01/2026 15:32

You aren’t being unreasonable and I would be annoyed too, however this just clearly highlights that if you want your children to be completely safe overnight you do not let them sleep at other people’s houses. Anyone could come and go without you knowing. If you want to avoid this concerning situation again don’t let her go for sleepovers!

HappilyDivorced89 · 13/01/2026 15:33

noidea69 · 13/01/2026 15:24

If it had been her husband, who she was happily married to, but you had never met the husband, would it be different ?

I was thinking the same thing after reading a number of similar MN posts.

Growing up (in the 90s and 00s), I had loads of sleepovers at my friends houses whose dad's and brothers were also living. Similarly, I had my friends over at my house many times while my dad and older brother were there as well.

I understand there have been some very unsettling stories about abuse and, as another poster said, a murder, but it feels like families need to have a disclosure before they're able to have their child's friends spend the night at their house if, heaven forbid, there should be a Y chromosome present!

Floundering66 · 13/01/2026 15:34

It’s a tough one, I guess she didn’t think she had to let you know who she had in her home but I wouldn’t like it either.
When I was a child I had a school friend whose mum was single and she used to talk to me about different boyfriends her mum had, I think I met two of them when on times I was round there. I made a comment to my mum about it and I was never allowed round her house after that. My mum always made excuses and I didn’t understand it at the time I get it now I’m older!

Fitfunfab · 13/01/2026 15:40

I worry more about ‘nice’ ‘popular’ men and authority figures

DurinsBane · 13/01/2026 15:41

Mybestdecadeyet · 13/01/2026 11:07

I get it! You thought they were just there with her mum and had absolutely no reason to worry. I don’t allow sleepovers at others houses - but I would make exceptions if going to a single mothers house.

Though the single mother could well have a boyfriend staying, is it not better for it to be a husband that she could have been with for many years, and you may well have met?

gggrrrargh · 13/01/2026 15:42

I would have been unhappy and I’m quite relaxed overall.

i am a single mum and just had a sleepover for 3 of my daughters friends. I know the parents and all would have 100% not have expected a strange man also there.

before the girls came round I sent each mum a Whatsap with what we were planning, including the dog being out at
its own sleepover as one was afraid of dogs. It wasn’t crazy detailed but explained and said if you’re concerned about anything let me know in advance. I take the safety and happiness
of my guests seriously as should anyone who is the parent for the night.

BillieWiper · 13/01/2026 15:46

I mean any friend, relative or lover, neighbour or random acquaintance of any of the adults living there could potentially be sitting in the lounge/kitchen at any given time.

I wouldn't be informing my child's friends parents of every other adult who entered my home while their kid was present.