To move pre-schools again: Third in two months?

[LittleMissOverthinks]

Long time lurker, I've signed up just to get some perspective with this!

My 3yo started pre-school in November. She's a very sensitive child who has never been left with anyone before and I spent a lot of time trying to find somewhere with lots of outdoor time and a flexible settling in routine so I could step back gradually.

I found what seemed to be a very lovely setting on first impression but was quickly made to feel unwelcome and like they were hiding something. (Day two, thirty minute visits.)

The first time I left, my child was happily playing, but when I collected a short time later she was inconsolable and said that the teacher had shouted at her and not let her join snack. I asked to speak to the manager, assuming a misunderstanding had occurred, but she admitted she had got angry as my child hadn't joined in with tidy up time (due to being overwhelmed and scared and unsure what was happening.) This was her first time away from me and I was shocked at how harsh the manager had been and realised there was no coming back so we left.

We've since signed up to a new one which is attached to the school we hope to get in 2027. The staff are much nicer but my daughter isn't at all happy to play away from me, and nice as they are, they're very hands off with all the children.

The garden is rarely open, and when it is, there's nothing set up to explore so it's quite dull. They aren't getting to know her and even when I've stepped out the room for half an hour, I've watched through a little viewing bit and she just stands alone and doesn't play. The children are happy and sweet but mainly just make their own fun. I'm not entirely against this as it encourages creativity and independence I suppose, but there are two new nurseries from a big branch that have opened locally a bit further from us and I'm considering changing again. One is a forest school with a ratio of one staff to four children and would be a calmer environment and my daughter loves being outdoors and would always choose that if possible.

My concern is the confusion I'll likely cause with being moved again, the fact that the children in the current preschool will eventually be mostly going up to the reception year with her so she'd have friends, and the worry that I'll just find some other fault with the next one we try.

Aibu to move her again so quickly or should I keep searching until we find one that clicks?

Personally, if you don't actually need the childcare, and she's not happy, pull her out and look again for the autumn term - particularly the forest school suggestion.
There are plenty of ways she can interact with people by going to groups and activities with you. She needs to feel safe and happy and if that's with you at the moment, then that's fine.
Both my children did very part-time preschool until they started school FT and are fine. They were both with me the rest of the time. One was shyer and the other more confident but it worked for them. Had they not been happy I would have pulled them out.

Forest school is amazing, but getting her settled in with her cohort to school will stand her in good stead. Could she do one day a week at forest school?

I don’t think you’re helping her by hanging out nearby, she will be feeding off your obvious anxiety and by being there, you’re giving her an out to really great involved. Most kids are absolutely fine once the parent is gone.

It seems like you should give her more time and give her confidence by showing you’re confident leaving her. Don’t hang around and watch her, leave her for a morning or whatever, if you want a gentle settling in, do shorter days rather than leaving her for 30 mins while you watch her. Frankly a super weird set up, I do not know anyone who has been so precious about leaving a DC at nursery. She’ll probably do better with a regular routine every day.

Why are you still hanging around 4 weeks in. That really won't be helping a d reinforces that she's "not OK".

Leave the premises every time. She'll settle much faster.

You making this an issue. Just leave the building as you hovering and she knowing that is unsettling. I'm surprised the nursery is allowing you to hang around for four weeks.

I believe really strongly in following your gut. If she's unhappy, upset,crying etc and it's becoming worse nor any help or compassion from the staff towards this then I would move her. It's not just about your daughter settling, it's also about you as the parents feeling confident in the staff to meet your child's needs.

The forest school nursery sounds a good fit. Personally I think I'd move her to the forest school as you said she would enjoy that setting and spend a long time researching and looking into school choices for when she starts as that's most important in making the right choice there and from my experience you need to ask parents their opinions as well as just going to a tour as they're sugar coated. Remember to trust your gut x

I read a post saying they left their children upset amd crying at every drop off for over 2 years, and others joining in to normalise children "always" crying at drop off.

I just don't think that one way, the bright and breezy drop and run, is the only way or the right thing for all children.

My DTs are not my PFBs either, they're #2 and 3. My PFB scampered into preschool without ever looking back 😂 Sadly the wheels fell off the wagon for her very badly at primary, but she certainly wasn't anxious about going to a setting until she learnt how hard they were for her.