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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to remove my daughter from ballet classes?

85 replies

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:20

My DD is 3, and she goes to a weekly ballet class. It's a great set up because it's near our house, at a good time on a weekend morning, and means we have some time together without her newborn younger sister. She loves wearing the tutu and she professes to want to go to ballet every week. But once we get there she doesn't follow the class at all. The other children broadly do what they're instructed, whereas my DD only joins in the bits she especially likes, and otherwise will go into a corner and explore, do her own dance, come and sit with me and watch the class, etc. The issue is that other children then see that this is an option and often copy her, meaning that they're not following the class properly. I worry that other parents find this frustrating.

I do tell her to join in, or encourage her, and I will sit with her in the circle, but then other kids also want their parents in the circle, which causes much the same problem. If it were a more official educational capacity then I'd be inclined to push her to follow the rules more, but it is on a weekend and supposed to be fun, so I'm in two minds. We need an activity on a weekend morning which gets us out of the house, doesn't involve screens and isn't impacted by terrible weather, and she says she wants to keep doing it. But I do worry that maybe we should bow out.

I sense she may have ADHD (I was diagnosed in childhood) but she's too young for me to look at having her diagnosed, and if she does have ADHD then I'm keen for her to learn coping mechanisms.

OP posts:
yeesh · 10/01/2026 18:22

Have you posted about this before but added in that the teacher and other parents were really unhappy with her ruining the class? If it’s not you then it might be worth looking for that thread as there were a lot of replies.

youalright · 10/01/2026 18:24

Could you talk to the teacher and tell her to be a bit harsher with her

Kingdomofsleep · 10/01/2026 18:25

She's 3... I wouldn't jump to assume adhd, she's so young to be following all the instructions in a class. Many Reception pupils find that hard, and they're 4/5.

I'd just go with the flow if I were you, and not over analyse it

Lazychains · 10/01/2026 18:25

This sounds like a waste of money .

Maybe find a "my grown up and me" type class? There are several near us

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:26

yeesh · 10/01/2026 18:22

Have you posted about this before but added in that the teacher and other parents were really unhappy with her ruining the class? If it’s not you then it might be worth looking for that thread as there were a lot of replies.

No, I haven't posted about this before. I don't think the teacher is bothered (if she is then she hasn't made it clear). It's not a very full class so I'd imagine she's keen for the money. The other parents do seem a little bit annoyed by it. I'll have a look at the other thread!

OP posts:
Thelondonone · 10/01/2026 18:26

Do you have to stay? Even baby ballet where I live doesn’t allow parents. I think she’d be better if you weren’t an option.

Jamandtoastfortea · 10/01/2026 18:26

Do you have to stay? She might be better if you aren’t there so she has to listen to the teacher?

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:27

Kingdomofsleep · 10/01/2026 18:25

She's 3... I wouldn't jump to assume adhd, she's so young to be following all the instructions in a class. Many Reception pupils find that hard, and they're 4/5.

I'd just go with the flow if I were you, and not over analyse it

Yes, you're absolutely right. I was diagnosed really young so I have sort of assumed she will be, but that's probably not fair or sensible.

OP posts:
Liftedmeup · 10/01/2026 18:27

She’s far too young for ballet classes.

outerspacepotato · 10/01/2026 18:29

It sounds like she's too young for it or it's not a good fit for her now, possibly both. Look for something less structured.

Motnight · 10/01/2026 18:30

yeesh · 10/01/2026 18:22

Have you posted about this before but added in that the teacher and other parents were really unhappy with her ruining the class? If it’s not you then it might be worth looking for that thread as there were a lot of replies.

This is what I was going to ask! Very familiar.

Uptightmumma · 10/01/2026 18:30

An instructed class is probably not the right place if she wants to explore and do her own thing.

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:30

Jamandtoastfortea · 10/01/2026 18:26

Do you have to stay? She might be better if you aren’t there so she has to listen to the teacher?

We do, annoyingly. Maybe I'd be better looking for a drop off class.

OP posts:
BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:31

Liftedmeup · 10/01/2026 18:27

She’s far too young for ballet classes.

We're not doing it because I want her to be dancing en pointe by the time she's ten - it's just something active and fun! They don't do 'proper' ballet, just dancing and throwing silk scarves around etc.

OP posts:
seriouslynonames · 10/01/2026 18:31

My daughter was like this in a different class at the same age. It did turn out to be ADHD so you may be right even though she's young! But equally it might just be that she loves a tutu but isn't bothered about the ballet!

WinterWooliesBaa · 10/01/2026 18:32

yeesh · 10/01/2026 18:22

Have you posted about this before but added in that the teacher and other parents were really unhappy with her ruining the class? If it’s not you then it might be worth looking for that thread as there were a lot of replies.

I was thinking exactly the same thing, it's the same style of writing & format. I had to check the date!!

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:34

If the other ballet mum with the easily distracted toddler who posted on AIBU wants to get in touch, maybe we can start our own class!

OP posts:
Overthebow · 10/01/2026 18:36

My dd was the same and I pulled her out of ballet as she just didn’t want to join in and follow the class. She started gymnastics instead and she joined in and did what she was told so much better. It may be that a ballet class at this age doesn’t fit with your dd and something else would be better. My dd is on the pathway for ADHD now she’s in primary school.

Jellybunny56 · 10/01/2026 18:37

It would depend for me on the vibe of the class and other parents. If she is distracting the other children then I do think you need to either try to keep her on task OR accept that she’s not quite mature enough to follow the class (totally normal for a 3 year old) and stop attending the class, try again in a few months

Bigcat25 · 10/01/2026 18:38

I would keep her in the class. She had fun, and it sounds like she's engaging some of it, so it's fine. I have seen similar with a classes my son took. His engagement improved with time, and so did that of some of the other kids.

Whether they are nd or not, they deserve support and experiences too.

Eenameenadeeka · 10/01/2026 18:38

It does sound like it's not the right fit for her which is fine. It can really change the mood of the class and waste the teachers time when other children are actually trying to follow and learn. Can you take her to a cafe together or something for your time together, and try ballet again when she's more able to listen to instructions?

WinterWooliesBaa · 10/01/2026 18:39

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:34

If the other ballet mum with the easily distracted toddler who posted on AIBU wants to get in touch, maybe we can start our own class!

🤣🤣

id feel bad she was distracting the others. I'd probably tell her that the teacher has said she needs to do as she's told or she won't be able to go anymore.

if she still doesn't. I'd probably take her out for a bit, do something like tumble toys or a swim class until she's ready to try again to do as she's told.

I don't think she's being naughty, it's not a punishment, but she is being disruptive so it is a consequence.

DancingNotDrowning · 10/01/2026 18:41

Your DD isn’t ready for dance classes and you are allowing her to spoil the experience for those who do
want to attend.

time to try something else

Bitzee · 10/01/2026 18:41

Ballet isn’t a good fit for her right now. Maybe it’s her age, maybe it’s ADHD (although it’s way too young to tell) or maybe it’s just not her thing. I would keep the tutu for dressing up but drop the class. Put her in something more active that involves some running and less structured that’s likely to have more of a mix of boys and girls and you’ll likely find more kids on her wavelength plus have more fun- something sports based maybe!

Jamandtoastfortea · 10/01/2026 18:42

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:30

We do, annoyingly. Maybe I'd be better looking for a drop off class.

Or one that’s def a mummy and me. The fact you’re there but not joining in might be confusing? Keep trying and see