Not to remove my daughter from ballet classes?

[BonfireNight1993]

My DD is 3, and she goes to a weekly ballet class. It's a great set up because it's near our house, at a good time on a weekend morning, and means we have some time together without her newborn younger sister. She loves wearing the tutu and she professes to want to go to ballet every week. But once we get there she doesn't follow the class at all. The other children broadly do what they're instructed, whereas my DD only joins in the bits she especially likes, and otherwise will go into a corner and explore, do her own dance, come and sit with me and watch the class, etc. The issue is that other children then see that this is an option and often copy her, meaning that they're not following the class properly. I worry that other parents find this frustrating.

I do tell her to join in, or encourage her, and I will sit with her in the circle, but then other kids also want their parents in the circle, which causes much the same problem. If it were a more official educational capacity then I'd be inclined to push her to follow the rules more, but it is on a weekend and supposed to be fun, so I'm in two minds. We need an activity on a weekend morning which gets us out of the house, doesn't involve screens and isn't impacted by terrible weather, and she says she wants to keep doing it. But I do worry that maybe we should bow out.

I sense she may have ADHD (I was diagnosed in childhood) but she's too young for me to look at having her diagnosed, and if she does have ADHD then I'm keen for her to learn coping mechanisms.

Then you stop going.

We stopped taking DS to football for a while because he distracted his friends. He’d play for half the lesson and then they’d wander off or play their own game. It wasn’t fair on the other parents.

If she wants to go to ballet, she needs to do what the ballet teacher is asking them to do. If she won’t, or can’t, it’s not right for her right now, and it’s not fair on the other parents/children paying for the class to be distracted by her.

It sucks but perhaps you can try again in 6 months or so. We’ve been back at football for 18 months or so now and he’s great.

This? It's quite unusual that the teacher is allowing parents in the room. Usually ballet in particular they are keen for parents to wait outside the room for exactly this reason, the kids tend to engage better when you aren't there
When my daughter did ballet at that age parents waited outside and could see into the class through some small windows that had reflective stuff on the other side so I think looked like mirrors to the kids 😂

My DD just moved up out of a similar class (roughly up to 3, parents sit in); this sounds totally normal to me. Every week, they'd be a couple of children that would drift away from the class and drift back, do some bits and not others. If other parents want their kids to pay attention, they can encourage them back to class. Your DD isn't lying in the middle of the floor screaming, or dragging other kids away to play a noisy game. She's just being a 3 year old.

My DD was also a bit like this: would do some bits, but mostly only when I did it, often just played with the props how she wanted to. Then about 2 months ago, it all just clicked. Then they moved her up (to a class where parents are outside).

I would also really second Playball which was also great for my ND son. I think it's a great introduction to structured classes for kids because they keep it fast paced and the group size is small. Our instructor was also amazing: the kids adored him!

What about football? My nearly 2 year old goes to soccer stars, which has an 18mths-3yrs class. It’s brilliant as it’s mandatory parent participation and it’s on a big pitch, they are free to just run about and if the younger ones don’t participate in the actual activities nobody’s bothered. But there is also opportunities to learn how to follow basic instructions as they go along.

I’ll 3rd playball. My DD, not ND but just didn't get on with ballet, loved playball. She’s 8 now and her hobbies are tennis, rugby and hockey so sporty stuff was clearly more her thing.

Hi. Iv 3 adhd boys and tried so many activities and classes.

I'd ditch the ballet for now and go for something more physically engaging.

Rugby tots was good though ended up doing most alongside dc. Swimming worked but had to go for 1:1 lessons as totally distracted by others. They loved running around a playground. They hated anything with circle time like music classes or story time.

I disagree. If the teacher is happy to have her in the class, then she has every right to be there. As for the other parents…it’s a toddler ballet class, not Sadler’s Wells. They can get over themselves or find a less inclusive teacher.

My kids were both like this. Child 1 at a kids gymnastics class rarely followed the activities they were supposed to. Tried a music and movement type class same issue. Now diagnosed AuDHD.

Child 2 was the only one at baby massage class that didn't sit still. Tried a toddler football group and it was a disaster. Or waiting list for AuDHD assessment.

🫣🫣

I don't know about special needs, but I don't think it's that unusual for a 3 yo to be distracted at a structured activity class.

We do a weekly sport class with our 2.5 and 4 year old, and we have to rein them in so they pay attention and follow the coach.
The difference for us is that it's outdoor and not confined in a room, and we don't actually let them run around to do their own thing. If they don't want to participate we get them to sit on the bench, we've put rules in place etc, and their behaviour and focus is massively improving. If it had not, we would have taken them off the class (because clearly if they weren't engaged then its a waste of time and money).

So I'm wondering if then issue for the parents isn't your daughter's behaviour, but the fact you're letting her disrupt the class and their children.

Ultimately, it's the teacher/owner decision though. If they're fine with it then it's up to them how they want to run their class.

But the rest of the kids are following the teacher unless the OPs daughter distracts them. If I was the teacher and the other parents, I'd be quite pissed off.

My DD did ballet. I used to have to do it with her, and I wasn't the only parent. It sounds very normal to me. If she enjoys it, stick with it.

I would think she's probably too young and take a break then try again in 6 months or so.

I tried a hobby with my DC aged 3 and they were clearly not ready. Not joining in all the time, running out to me for a hug, so after a few instances of this I told them we'd try again when they were four.

It can be disruptive to the other children, encouraging them to do the same.

Mine also struggled with ballet and later diagnosed adhd.

However at 3 all they did was be fairy snowflakes and flutter about. She was fine with that.

I'm surprised you and other parents are allowed to watch tbh. I'd leave her be if the teacher isn't worried, but definitely don't join in. DD can step out you can't step in.

Take her out of the classes until she is five.
Play music for her in a park and dance about.
Your child is not ready for structured lessons.

OP I actually think you're being quite unreasonable. Not only are you taking your child to a class when she's clearly not ready and is being disruptive but you're not even stopping the disruptive behaviour while you're there.

My dd was like this.

i kept her in because i think ballet is good for them.

what turned the corner for her was when she moved up a level/age group and was in classes where parents weren’t present, and it was more structured. She seemed to get her focus on the teacher. I was worried about the longer class as well but no problem.

she ended up pretty good. She was the same in swim class which we also persevered with, she’s now national level.

if she enjoys it keep her in. The teacher will tell you if there’s an issues

What age group is the class? Here they are 3-5 which is a significant difference. It may be that she’s just not ready. Here we have mummy and me ballet which is under 4s and ballet which is 3-5 so a bit of a cross over depending on the needs of the child. Honestly sounds like she’s not ready, which is fine xx

This was such a kind reply - thank you!

I'm trying! But in fairness to her, she's mostly just going off into other parts of the room and doing her own thing, it's more that she's demonstrating to the other kids that joining in is optional. Which I guess it is, because it's an optional activity.

In general I think the suggestion to ask the teacher is the best one (and probably something I should have come up with by myself!)

...it's only optional until you get there!

That's like saying watching a film at the cinema is optional. It is, in that it isn't compulsory but if you choose to make a phone call or practise your juggling mid viewing, then you're just an arsehole.

She can choose whether to partake or not... by attending, or not. Not by fannying around when she's there.

I mean, it's a class for small children. I wouldn't expect to go to a Pilates class and sit in the corner playing with a toy, but I'm 33. When I take my baby to Baby Cinema is is allowed to cry or fuss, because it's for babies. The expectations are rather different!

Try gymnastics? Or at 3, I used to leave my DD in the class whilst I waited outside.

You'll definitely be better looking for a drop off class, when my DD was 3 we went to a gymnastics class where parents were required to follow their child around and get them to do the activities, she used to just run around and wouldn't really get involved, I moved her to another place where you drop them off but can watch them on screens from a room across the corridor and it was like night and day! She did all of the activities and was really engaged from the very first lesson.