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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to remove my daughter from ballet classes?

96 replies

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:20

My DD is 3, and she goes to a weekly ballet class. It's a great set up because it's near our house, at a good time on a weekend morning, and means we have some time together without her newborn younger sister. She loves wearing the tutu and she professes to want to go to ballet every week. But once we get there she doesn't follow the class at all. The other children broadly do what they're instructed, whereas my DD only joins in the bits she especially likes, and otherwise will go into a corner and explore, do her own dance, come and sit with me and watch the class, etc. The issue is that other children then see that this is an option and often copy her, meaning that they're not following the class properly. I worry that other parents find this frustrating.

I do tell her to join in, or encourage her, and I will sit with her in the circle, but then other kids also want their parents in the circle, which causes much the same problem. If it were a more official educational capacity then I'd be inclined to push her to follow the rules more, but it is on a weekend and supposed to be fun, so I'm in two minds. We need an activity on a weekend morning which gets us out of the house, doesn't involve screens and isn't impacted by terrible weather, and she says she wants to keep doing it. But I do worry that maybe we should bow out.

I sense she may have ADHD (I was diagnosed in childhood) but she's too young for me to look at having her diagnosed, and if she does have ADHD then I'm keen for her to learn coping mechanisms.

OP posts:
MIKEAY · 12/01/2026 21:17

If she and you are both enjoying it, and no one has actually complained, then crack on imo 😄

3/4 is a tricky age for classes. The parent is often still expected/required to attend, and the child is starting to be expected to have self control and an understanding of appropriate behaviour. But they're still so tiny and lots can't, especially if a parent is there.

My child still absolutely won't do as she's told and join in with lessons if I'm there (she's 5.5 now and thankfully at a class where parents stay outside). I remember stressing so much when she was three, worrying if people were judging us etc. In hindsight it was all totally "normal" behaviour and I wish I hadn't worried so much 😊

PurpleThistle7 · 12/01/2026 21:24

I think it’s not a great fit. My daughter would have found this quite difficult (she started baby ballet at 3 and was intensely interested and still a dancer now at 13). I’d look for another sort of dance or gymnastics or similar. Something bouncier.

ClaredeBear · 12/01/2026 21:29

I would speak to the teacher and make your mind up then. I hope she continues to attend.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/01/2026 22:24

As a former early years teacher I would not expect a three year old to follow a class the whole time. How long is it? Keep going and let her be.

Mischance · 12/01/2026 22:31

She's 3. Time enough for classes when she is older. Just knock it on the head.

taxi4ballet · 13/01/2026 16:01

HairyToity · 10/01/2026 22:39

My DD did ballet. I used to have to do it with her, and I wasn't the only parent. It sounds very normal to me. If she enjoys it, stick with it.

In our experience, the exact opposite was true. Parents were asked to come in and watch on the last session of each half-term, and that was it. The teacher told us that parents sitting in class every week tended to distract the kids too much, and they couldn't pay attention to what was going on. My dd started a few weeks before she turned 3, and she was fine. Some kids are ready for it and others aren't. @BonfireNight1993 I'd speak to the teacher and ask for their advice.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 13/01/2026 16:33

Honestly get her into something more active. Ballet is very 'listening' focused with a lot of sedate airy fairy stuff - your kid sounds like she needs to burn off steam. Get her into something that has her running about, learning to work as a team and tire her out.
She is very young to be fully focused, especially if she has the demands of nursery as well.

taxi4ballet · 13/01/2026 17:14

'a lot of sedate airy fairy stuff'

Er - no it isn't. It takes a great deal of control and physical strength to look airy fairy.

Hillarious · 13/01/2026 22:38

If your DD is distracting other children even if no-one has said anything I think you know you’re being unfair on others.

I tried my DD with baby ballet at 3yrs, but it didn’t work out. She started again in Reception with a pre-primary class, which parents could stay at. She then carried on to Grade 8.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/01/2026 23:09

Sounds like she is distracting the class and at 3 should be able to follow /obey the teacher

equally the teacher should be able to try and guide 3yr into doing what she wants them to do

if she hasn’t said anything to you but you know your child is annoying the other parents then stop the class

and Find something for parent and child

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 25/05/2026 08:06

I have a school with a ballet tots class,(2-4) we let mums stay for a couple of weeks whilst the child gets used to the room and teacher and then ask them to drop and go. Lots of kids will only watch at first and join in certain bits and the majority join in better without their parent there, (honestly I think having a parent trying to parent them whilst you are trying to teach them is too confusing for them). So I would suggest looking for an independent class and seeing if she gets on better without you there.

I have ADHD and so does my son, my suspicions also started when he was about 3 (and me researching it was what led to my own diagnosis in fact), so though it is too young for a diagnosis, it's never too young to start figuring out which parenting techniques work best for the 2 of you (and be ready to block out a lot of opinions from other people) my 9 year old is doing pretty awesome so far, cos I have trusted my gut not opinionated ar*e+oles!!😉

Gizlotsmum · 25/05/2026 08:18

Oh it’s tough. Are there any other activities you could do together at the weekend? I appreciate it isn’t always possible. I can imagine it is frustrating for other parents but if the teacher isn’t pushing it then that is a bit of a them issue. Maybe try to find something you can do together ( do tumble tots still exist!) or a mummy and me ballet class? If she isn’t really interested in doing the full class I would look for alternatives she is still very young. Maybe she would enjoy just going for a walk/ to the play ground with you?

velomumhackney · 25/05/2026 08:23

she is too young and she is unable to follow the class and is ruining it for other kids who are more able to follow instruction. my daughter wanted to do ballet, but there was a no parents in the hall rule, and my daughter couldn’t tolerate that idea when she was 3-6yo. so we didn’t attend. your daughter can’t follow instructions for a sustained time, so she shouldn’t go to the classes until she can.

Clearinguptheclutter · 25/05/2026 08:23

I wouldn’t overthink it too much it sounds like she is just being 3 but
a. It sounds like a bit of a waste of money if she’s not engaging with it at all and
b. I’d ask the teacher if she is happy for you to continue to attend

I have run my own kids activity business (not ballet but involving singing etc) and it’s definitely a thing that one child not engaging properly can effectively spoil the experience for everyone else. Though probably more common for other parents to be annoyed about other parents letting their child be feral (nor suggesting your dd is feral!) than the child her/himself

PercyPigsAreOverRated · 25/05/2026 08:25

What did you decide in the end @BonfireNight1993 ?

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/05/2026 08:33

BonfireNight1993 · 10/01/2026 18:26

No, I haven't posted about this before. I don't think the teacher is bothered (if she is then she hasn't made it clear). It's not a very full class so I'd imagine she's keen for the money. The other parents do seem a little bit annoyed by it. I'll have a look at the other thread!

It sounds like she's ruining the class for everyone else. If you don't take her out then the teacher should tell you to stop bringing her. She's 3, she's not ready for it yet but it doesn't mean she's ADHD. Even if she was there is no obligation for a ballet teacher to take her on, it's not a statutory obligation like school.

UnDeuxTwuh · 25/05/2026 08:45

Talk to the teacher and see what she says. Some kids really don’t ever settle in dance, others will learn to follow what their peers do.

My dd really couldn’t settle at ballet, she was 4 and mainly spent the lessons spinning around and was clearly bored. I took her out of the class and took her to our local bouldering centre, which had a kiddies section. She LOVED it, and eventually joined the little monkey class and by 12 she was a lead climber (ropes). Climbing is amazing for kids with adhd, by the way and it’s also very sociable as a teen. And you can climb everywhere these days!

My dd’s friends mostly also preferred gymnastics to dance - it’s more boisterous and you can sometimes find toddler gym classes.

Finally - if all alse fails - try football, tag rugby or martial arts. We have a lovely informal mixed martial arts club near me that starts from age 3 (at that age it’s games-based, just practising kicks and punches no actual sparring of course!) which has lots and lots of junior instructors from the older class, and they are incredibly supportive of kids with additional needs. Hunt around your local area. There is also a judo class near me it’s only £4 an hour pay as you go, that starts age 4 and quite a lot of girls in that class (though it does require strength for wrestling right from the start so if that’s not your girl’s jam she may prefer something more graceful).

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 25/05/2026 09:01

Liftedmeup · 10/01/2026 18:27

She’s far too young for ballet classes.

No she isn't. Dont be ridiculous. At 3 all they will learn is pointed toes. How to hold their hands and pa few basic positions. Its about having fun mostly. No worse than tots rugby fgs.

@BonfireNight1993 mt dd has danced since she was 2, not my choice, she saw her cousin come home and spent weeks insisting she wanted to dance like Becca (not her name).

The first class we tried she had to have me with her and like your dd was totally disengaged. She didn't want or really need me so we moved her to a drop off class and she thrived. She is 13 soon and still loves it. She does Ballet, Modern, Commercial, Lyrical, Acro, Tap. Latin and a tumbling class. She recently did a workshop with the Northern Ballet and was asked to return for the next one.

Ballet is a fantastic thing for your dd to be involved in, and if the dance school is any good they will adapt to accommodate her if you do find she has ADHD. I work as a chaperone for dd's achool and we have several kids (boys and girls) with autism and ADHD. They thrive in the environment and structure!

PercyPigsAreOverRated · 25/05/2026 09:08

This thread is from January, so OP might not come back!

CoverLikelyZebra · 25/05/2026 09:11

@BonfireNight1993 both me and my DS are AuDHD (me diagnosed at 42, he at 13). Age 5 he wanted to do ballet and behaved very much like your DD but loved it for a while. In the end it wasn't the mums or the teacher but the other kids in the class starting to be mean to him for failing to conform that made him want to stop. We moved on and tried various different kinds of dance classes one of which was a really lovely "inclusive" dance class that focused on finding ways for every child including those with significant physical and mental disabilities to join in with the dancing, which was I think a lot healthier than the more formal ballet classes. But yanbu to keep your child in the class she is enjoying for as long as she enjoys it.

itsgettingweird · 25/05/2026 09:11

Swimming is always a good alternative.

im sure you can get her a swimsuit with a little tutu type skirt attached!

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