Should husband have got taxi at 4am after finishing work late?

[Groay]

Husband is a pilot. He ended up at an airport that is not his home base. This meant he stayed overnight in a hotel. I was fine with this. But I have since learned that everyone except him chose to get in a paid for taxi in the very early hours. Husband’s taxi was for 2pm the next day. Everyone else wanted to gain that day back by getting the travel over and done with.

It meant that I had to cancel an event I wanted to go to. Dh knows I was trying to figure out alternative childcare but the hassle wasn’t worth it in the end so I sacked it off.

Do I have a right to be mad? Dh could’ve slept for three hours in the taxi and then driven the 20 mins home. And had basically the whole next day to chill with the odd drop off here and there for kids.

He said he was knackered. He FaceTimed me from bed and he was definitely tired but I can tell when he’s exhausted. He was actually quite talkative and I had to say get some sleep to him! I was up with poorly baby

It is irrelevant what the rest of the crew did.
I also don't understand your timings. You say he would have had a full day to rest at home but another time you say morning and early afternoon, another post you say until 1. What time would be have gotten home if he had travelled straight away.?

I'd be pissed off - he's swerved his responsibilities in favour of a lovely kid free night and morning in a hotel, dropping you in teh crap.

All this 'oh but he's a PILOT' shit and talking the OP as if she isn't aware he does need his sleep, or that she has to keep the kids from waking him when he is sleeping is ridiculous. He's not just become a pilot overnight, he and OP have been managing this likely for years and he knows what he SHOULD have done... he had an opportunity to skive his family duties and he put himself first and took it.

If he was too tired to drive back he could have got another taxi the 15 min journey home from where his car was.

If you can't handle being 'a PILOT' and also being a father, well, what can I say -change jobs, but don't dump extra work on your partner because you can't be arsed.

If he was going to be piloting a plane with me in, in the following few days I would have wanted him to have taken the hotel option. I want my pilots fully rested, not snatching short kips in taxis and while minding young children, whether they have been told not to disturb Daddy or not.

As I said, I think he made the right choice. But (1) I can understand her frustration given her own lack of sleep (2) no one seems to care about how she's managing on no sleep.

During the trenches of sorry deprivation feeling frustration in these sorts of circumstances is entirely normal because there's just not enough sleep to go around. Especially if she's used to just pushing through.

I just hope the pilot of my next flight isn't married to someone like you !

I wouldn't want to drive even if it was 15 mins after a full shift and then 3 hours of not brilliant sleep.
You said you didn't mind him staying over but are now annoyed because he did. Maybe he was more tired than they were.
YABU to be annoyed just because your DH was more tired than other people.

Dh could’ve slept for three hours in the taxi

How about you go sleep in a taxi for 3 hours 😁

If you take out of the equation what everyone else did, then I think it’s perfectly reasonable for your husband to sleep and then return home the next day. I wouldn’t expect my husband to finish work in the early hours, sleep in a taxi for 3 hours before driving another 20 minutes home so he’s available to look after the children.

A long flight, no sleep, then a 3 hour taxi, would mean he wouldn't then be safe to drive home. Tiredness kills when driving. He made the right decision

you made this up as I can’t find evidence of this in OP’s posts?

OP did post “and had basically the whole next day to chill with the odd drop off here and there for kids” so no - the OP’s husband wasn’t going to rest for the entire next day as she later claimed as she expected him to do some driving with the kids. And she hasn’t said if she herself needed to be at work the following day.. perhaps he is the only one putting the bread on the table, in which case OP doesn’t get to call the shots. And I don’t care how that reads. If only one person is working, then yes you get up with poorly baby and do the kids’ runs. If you both work outside the home, the narrative changes…

Plot twist. OP is having an affair with the other pilot.

I certainly wouldn't be getting in a taxi at 4am, trying to sleep for 3 hours and then driving. That's just stupid. It's irrelevant what the other crew did.

Genuine question, does anyone feel sorry for the Taxi driver?

I wouldn't want to drive anyone 3 hours. Would the Taxi driver then look for fares coming back or just drive another 3 hours on his own?

How much is all the costing anyway?

I think YABU. 6 hrs sleep, potentially, but likely difficult at home with kids around, daylight peeking in etc Vs solid hours in a hotel at 4am. I'd choose hotel. I struggle to sleep "on demand" so trying to fall asleep at 7/8am would have been difficultas the sun is rising etc. Annoying your plans were affected, and shame he didn't catch an earlier taxi from the hotel, but seems he took the sensible option given he was flying the following day (after returning home). It takes a long time to catch up on a missed night's sleep. Safety first, I'd say, with his job.

I disagree and I genuinely think if a bloke had posted on here complaining that his wife had chosen to stay in a hotel after however long at work and it was 2am, rather than do the 3 hour taxi drive and 15 minute drive, to then be up at 1pm with the kids, including dropping one off somewhere, so that he could go out, he'd be told to stop being an idiot and that he was so unbelievably unreasonable .

I agree with this!

I don’t think what he did was the end of the world if he’s usually a good partner / Dad but the amount of internal misogyny some women have is unreal. I’m watching another post where a woman is being berated for putting her child in childcare so she can study to become a better version of herself because things are a bit tricky right now. Meanwhile a Dad (because he’s a pilot) can opt out of coming home after work (even though his colleagues managed it) because he’s tired and they are insinuating he should never be tired in between work periods because of his job 😂 No one has suggested that maybe he ought to get a different job have they? OP hasn’t even said she doesn’t work (I think) but I’ve seen assumptions that she doesn’t!

Everyone else in the crew wasn't in sole command of a diverted aircraft. Cut the man some slack

Good point..

If it was a really crappy day at work,.possibly involving an extended duty period and with lots going on decision wise the captain can end up pretty wrung out at the end of it.

Yes the cabin crew and First Officer(s) may be working hard and providing input but the buck stops in seat 0A.

I wouldn't feel comfortable going to sleep in a taxi. If you go asleep and wake up 3 hours later, you could be anywhere. You need to keep your wits about you when you're being driven around by a complete stranger.

He did the right thing by staying in the hotel and getting some rest before driving a car, even if it was only a 20 minute drive home.

I understand it's annoying that you had to cancel an event, but unfortunately he has a job that's not known for its regular hours or reliability. If this is going to be a long term issue then you either need to a) sort out regular childcare or b) have a serious discussion about his job/your relationship.

He did not. He had to drop children off and look after your DD when she got home from school i.e. feed and entertain her. I think I would have stayed at the hotel too. If your DH works shifts like this you need to sort childcare and not rely on him to pick up the slack when he has had a long shift and needs sleep. He's a pilot and tho I know they don't fly the plane yet he has to be alert in case something goes wrong. YABU.

No lol. They’ll be charging what they need in order to make a profit. A tired, quiet, non-drunk professional in the back 3 / 6 hours pay, bet they were laughing. Likely the airline pay over the odds for this.

And myself.

I think the problem is that OP is over-exaggerating the amount of actual sleep he will get.

Her descriptions have ranged between a “full day”, “morning and afternoon” and “sleep until late afternoon”. However, if you’d actually look at the times she has mentioned - it’s a 3-hour taxi trip from 4am (trying to doze in the back of the cab). Then a 15-minute drive home. So presumably gets to bed around 7.30am-8am. And then she said the DC “know to leave him alone” so probably not the most peaceful house to get decent sleep in, and then he needed to watch the DC from 1pm.

That’s extremely broken sleep - I couldn’t sleep properly in the back of the taxi - especially knowing I then had to be alert enough to drive. Home to a house with a tired wife and an unwell baby, with young DC playing, and then having to get up again in 4-5 hours (assuming he was able to fall asleep instantly).

The other crew who opted to go home may not have had the same demands. Maybe they could go home and get as much sleep as they needed without being called on for childcare,

It’s shit for you OP but if his shift patterns are causing a regular issue, maybe it’s time to discuss whether his job fits in with your family life? Pilots can’t be going to work tired and broken, shitty sleep punctuated by a long taxi journey and a drive means he might not be safe to fly.

Thanks, and yes you're most likely right.
It's just the thought of a taxi driver embarking on a 6+ hour round trip at 4am is baffling to me