Friend blaming ds for being a victim in a fight

[Noshadelamp]

I've been absolutely blindsided by my friend I was having lunch with earlier today who doesn't want to be friends anymore over what happened to my ds. We've known each other for ten years.

Ds is at university in Liverpool and lives in the city centre. He works in a bar in the city a few nights a week.

I was havinga nice lunch and catchmup with this friend today in Chester.

Around 2pm I got a call on teams from ds saying he'd been in the police station overnight and lost his phone as he was punched in the face by some random drunk man, but him back knocking him to the ground then roughly treated and injured by the police who thought ds started it.

I immediately left my friend and got a train to Liverpool to see him.

I'm with him now in a&e to check his face, jaw and ribs (ribs and scrapes on face from the police).

Ds did automatically hit the man back (just once) knocking him flat to the ground.

Police only saw the aftermath and grabbed hold of ds roughly, throwing him up against a shop shutter which scraped his face.

The man's girlfriend told the police it wasn't his fault but they didn't listen and put him in their car and took him to the station, where he was released without charge this morning.

So at a&e the triage nurse was telling ds to report the police as she sees this a lot, people coming in with injuries caused by police heavy handling.

But I just got a text from my friend saying that as much as she hopes he's ok, she thinks my ds must have done something as people don't go round randomly punching innocent people, and the police don't rough people up without being provoked.
So because of this, she doesn't want to be involved with my family as she fears ds isn't who she thought he was, and maybe I'm not either!

I'm still in shock at it all but aibu to not understand her reaction?

I’m so sorry about what happened to your son. I hope he’s ok. Your friend is completely mad.

I think your friend is being over the top but I think you need to appreciate that your son shouldn't have thrown a punch. Had he not punched a man to the ground (which in other circumstances could have resulted in his death) the police would have had no need to go anywhere near him. I can't say wether the police reaction was disproportionate and neither can you or the staff in the hospital.

Oh come on, why shouldn't he thump him back? FFS should he just accept it?

I hope your son is OK, OP. Your friend sounds absolutely deranged. Even if she did think it was 50:50 (though as she wasn't there how would she know?) then why does that mean she can't be friends with you? It's just ridiculous.

Your son is a victim of an assault by a drunk.

That said, "Ds did automatically hit the man back" is bullshit. First reactions should be to get out of a situation, not escalate it. That one punch back could have killed him. And it leads to situations like the above where police arrive in the middle of a fight and see two people involved instead of one.

Your friend is overreacting though, not wanting to interact with your family.

She is not a friend. You've lost nothing there.

Your friend sounds bonkers, but does she have a deep inbuilt NEED for the police to be absolutely above reproach (like having a relative in the police force or having dealt with the police for some domestic incident)? Because her reaction sounds almost like fear.

I hope your DS is doing all right.

Your friend is very odd. Even if one of my friends' children had started a fight, I wouldn't disown the friend. Assuming what your child says is true, he didn't start it. However, I would caution him about punching people in the head. Its not uncommon for a single blow to the head to cause catastrophic injuries and even death and the aftermath for him would be far worse than his mum falling out with a friend.

Who’d want to be friends with a nasty and frankly stupid person like that.

police get things wrong all the time. They don’t have special police brains that make them all Knowing. Does she think all victims of police violence or rape or failure had it coming?

what about the child who was strip searched by male police officers without a chaperone?

she’s a fucking idiot

Honestly, sounds like you're better off without her in your life! Hope your DS is OK and thankfully it didn't work out worse for either of them in terms of the outcome of the punch.

Does your friend often make things all about her?

I hope your son is alright. What a mess.

If course he should have thrown a punch. Sounds like your friend went into panic mode. Hope your poor ds is ok, poor man.

Your friend has luxury beliefs. The police do this regularly and anyone denying it lives in a make believe world.

Who is your friend ? Nigel Farage ?

You are legally allowed to defend yourself in this situation. Your son did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to be ditched

I would report the policeman and wouldn’t worry about a ‘friend’ who isn’t prepared to accept there are two sides to a story Let the friendship go

Tell DS not to punch back, just get away. My friend was just killed after being punched by some random on a night out. We are all devastated, still can’t believe it honestly.

I'm so glad your boy is safe.

Best case scenario your friend is super naive.

Drunk men do exhibit violence randomly and my son has personal experience of being a victim of a crime and treated badly by the police. One of the first questions the police asked him when they realised that he wasn’t the aggressor was if he’d be happy to take off his top so they could check for gang tattoos!! My son has never been in trouble with the police.

A very drunk person could easily fall in a way that a sober person wouldn’t when punched and I can imagine how someone would throw fists if attacked. I hope that your son is ok.

Well the trash took itself out didn’t it op. I wouldnt reply or if I did I’d say something breezy like ‘that’s fine with me’ and then block her. What a horrible, judgemental, unsympathetic cow.

Remember next time you’re being attacked that you mustn’t defend yourself just in case you get the upper hand 😂

Can’t imagine even offering my opinion to a family member let alone a friend in these circumstances. Your son could be lying or he could be completely telling the truth. I wouldn’t claim to have any idea who was being honest. It’s weirdly overstepping in my opinion. She is being naive if she thinks that this could never happen to someone though - sheltered life? Time to get rid of her I think. I hope your son is okay. If he’s being completely truthful then I’m glad he punched the man back tbh.

Remember next time you’re being attacked that you mustn’t defend yourself just in case you get the upper hand 😂

The first thing you are taught in any self-defence class is that you should always try to get away from the situation. Only if you can't do that, do you start fighting back.

She's no friend OP, she's being ridiculous. All the posters saying you shouldn't punch back, I'm sorry if someone punched me I'd be fighting back and I'm a pacifist. It's human nature to defend yourself.

In the situation OP describes I wouldn't hit back. Firstly because I am a tiny woman and it would do no good. If I was a man I wouldn't fight back firstly because too many people die from one punch attacks whilst drunk and I don't fancy going down for manslaughter. Secondly too many people carry knives these days. You don't know what this guy had on him or who would suddenly emerge from the crowd with a knife.

It might seem cowardly to all those middle age middle class mumsnetters who like to tell their sons to fight back but I have seen first hand the devastation caused by drunken fights that get out of hand and I tell my teens to get away from the situation as fast as possible.

I was being sarcastic? If someone punches me and I think I can take them they’re getting a punch back and I’ll take my chances in court.

It's not really court you need to be concerned about it's being dead that's the problem. There is no coming back from that.