to want people to stop buying my baby son clothes because I love dressing him myself

[flipendo1993]

I know I’ll be called shallow, but I get so much joy from dressing DS. I have a style I love for him and spend ages on Vinted bargain hunting brands I love but don’t want to spend on new, and I love looking at baby/toddler fashion sites on Instagram for inspiration. I’m very aware he’ll have his own opinions soon which is why I’m enjoying it for now. But my mum and MIL also buy him lots of clothes, and I honestly don’t like any of them. I did a count when sorting what fits today and over half of his clothes are gifts I don’t like. I put him in their outfits when we’re together, but otherwise they’re unworn. I’ve made comments before when thanking them that his wardrobe is bursting, but they’re not taking the hint and I don’t want to be rude to them. My mum arrived today with a bag of clothes from Sainsbury’s and I don’t like any of them and I feel frustrated that I have even more clothes to deal with that I don’t want and didn’t ask for. I know I’ll be called ungrateful but AIBU to be privately annoyed instead of grateful for these clothes.

Honestly, you are being pretty ungrateful and massively PFB.

Either tell them outright and why and watch the fall out or be polite and just pass on to a food bank or charity shop.

YABU

people want to do a nice thing for your baby. He’s a baby, he doesn’t care what he wears, and his clothes will get filthy one way or another anyway

don’t be that parent

Take it all back to Sainsbury’s and swap it for basics in the next size up e.g. plain vests and sleepsuits etc. if the worst comes to the worst swap it for nappies and wipes etc.

I’d it’s stuff from Sainsbury’s I’d just take it back to my local store and ask to exchange it and put the money towards my food shop.

just do a morning dressing baby, take a load of photos and then return the stuff or sell it on vinted and use the money for stuff you like.

most shops don’t require a receipt if it’s obvious it’s from them and you aren’t asking for money back

What I’ve come to understand is that for grandparents buying clothes is something they like doing. It’s almost like an activity and I think more joy comes from the browsing and shopping than the baby wearing it.

I try to put on the outfit to show off to the gifter, but when it’s something hideous or if they have given too much I don’t to try not to reinforce it! My father for instance, he buys cute stuff but is addicted to the baby clothes section! I just tell him “we have a lot of that size. We need plain leggings in a size up” or whatever. My great aunt bought us Disney stuff (Bambi and Dumbo) she wore the dumbo once at night after several poonamis leaving no other clothes! She never wore the Bambi and I didn’t bother with photos etc because I thought they were hideous! (Also, not the biggest Disney expert, but don’t both Bambi and Dumbo’s mothers die? Seemed kind of macabre for baby clothes!)

Just start saying no. Sorry, I do appreciate the thought but I've got nowhere to put them all, he has so many clothes, he could go until he starts school never wearing anything twice.

I'd donate it all to a women's shelter, they're always grateful for anything good quality and new as some women arrive with nothing but their child and the clothes they're standing in.

You sound a little bit obsessed by it

Hmm I think this is ungrateful tbh and your ds is not a toy to be dressed up in a certain style 🙄

You do sound shallow 🤷‍♀️ it’s just clothes which for a baby need to be comfortable and that’s it.

How can you say that they want to do a nice thing for my baby by buying him clothes and in the next sentence say he doesn’t care what he wears? He doesn’t need gifts and the best thing they can do for him is to play with him or read with him, not buy him stuff. The only thing I’ve ever asked anyone to buy for my baby is some fruit for if we’re staying for lunch.

His clothes do get grubby and that’s fine. I don’t stop him crawling around the play park or soft play to protect his clothes. But while he doesn’t care about his clothes, I do. I love dressing him in clothes I love. I don’t like the predators/dinos/diggers that are on a lot of boys clothes, and so don’t want to look at them all day on my son.

I’m not grateful and I don’t think I have to be for things I don’t want and never asked for.

I’m well that DS isn’t a toy to be dressed up, but he does have to wear clothes. They are clean, comfortable and fit him. I’m not dressing him in wildly impractical clothes which stop his movement, or not taking him out so that his clothes stay clean. He has played in the park, in the flower beds, on the grass, at soft play, in a sandpit this week. He has tshirts, vests, jumpers, shorts, leggings, trousers and short and long sleeved rompers, just in prints that I like. If it doesn’t make any difference for the baby, and it does to me why not dress him in clothes I like?

I also think that the idea that all baby clothes need to be is comfortable isn’t actually true for most. Someone in my baby sensory class was given a vest with ‘all daddy wanted was a blowjob’ on it as a gift. Despite the vest being comfortable, I don’t think most people would put that on their baby. I’m not saying that tractors are anywhere close to that, but just that there is a taste issue in baby clothes beyond their comfort for the baby.

He’s one year old, he doesn’t need things buying for him. He is doted on by his grandparents. They play with him, sing to him, read to him, take him to the local petting farm, take him on wheelbarrow rides around the garden and he adores them. That’s what’s important and neither he nor I would notice if he wasn’t bought anything else this side of Christmas. They don’t need to buy his love and the idea that me not wanting mountains of ugly clothes means that I don’t want my son to have anyone else to love him is bizarre.

Can you ask for gift receipts, due to how quickly he's growing? Or just rip the bandaid off and tell them that you prefer to pick his clothes yourself. Direct them to toys or books instead if they want to be involved?

If he's one, you have about a year and a half - two years before he's requesting Paw Patrol t-shirts and digger pants, make the most of what you enjoy while you can!

This isn't something to worry about. 90% of the time use your clothes. 10% of the time (when he's ill or visiting the buyers) wear the other clothes.

Then donate them to charity nearly new for someone to benefit from.

(Nursery also get all of the clothes I don't like! Stops the good stuff being ruined.)

Have to say, I do agree with you on this bit though - it always vexes me a bit when grandparents Must! Buy! Everything! instead of just noticing that the grandkids love them.just for being there. And they are driving their children batty with storage issues.

But just try not to make it a "you" problem. Just think of it as something they do and have systematic clear outs every few months.

It’s really hard because in their minds they may think that you are being unkind if you say anything and they’re trying to be nice!

I’d maybe say something like “it’s really kind of you but I like to choose things myself on vinted etc” followed by “if you wished to contribute some money towards some bits would be kind”

What is the style that you have for him?

I used to dress my kids in whatever we were given as well as what I chose. We got given loads of gifts and also hand me downs.

when the kids got to about 3 they started choosing what they wanted to wear and they were quite blunt about what they didn’t like.

now they rarely get given clothes unless we specifically ask as a gift. And then it sends to be links for exact items.

Tell all these dreadful people you would rather cash, or even better just give them your bank details.

YANBU at all. I also can’t stand the dino/tractor/character tat that passes for baby boy clothes. The next time they buy something for him, thank them but tell them firmly that you’d rather they didn’t buy him any more as they’re just not in keeping with your taste. Or simply return them or take them to the charity shop.

I can understand the frustration as I think most of us go through this to some degree op - at least those of us who have family who take an interest in our dc.
It is really normal to like buying baby clothes: they are cute. So much so it seems to have become a kind of hobby for you that you are posting about on here. They just feel something similar and want to buy things they see him looking cute in in their mind.

You get to choose what he puts on each morning, but saying they aren't even allowed to spend their money on what they find cute is slightly overstepping imo. You don't have to use it much, but they are allowed to buy it. At the back of these threads I always hear a whisper of "I'd have liked their money to be spent on what I wanted." If that really is not what is bothering you, just keep them a few months and donate, after doing a photo. No real skin.

In any case, the clothes gifting stops soon enough, and little ones grow through things before you can blink.

It's a high quality problem really.

🤑

A new variant on the depressing “my little family” trope.

It's because enjoying how cute they can be in their little outfits is a normal part of loving a small child. You do it. They are doing it too.

I’d be as kind and polite as I could be and say that you have enough so please don’t worry about buying any more. If they are really keen, I’d perhaps stretch to suggesting a joint shopping trip occasionally.

If that doesn’t work, I’d try to return them or donate them BUT I definitely wouldn’t get my DC to wear them once for a photo. To me, that’s really wasteful as unworn labelled clothes are much more use to charity shops etc than worn ones.

I didn’t like my lot having loads of clothes in each size. I preferred having a few and getting some use out of them.

Good luck!

With your mum you can just say 'no more clothes thanks mum, we have so much already it won't get worn'. Then give it straight to the charity shop. Don't say thankyou or do a photo with it on as that will just encourage them. DH can say the same to his mum.