AIBU to track ds16 location

[NimbleMintOrca]

I want to install a location tracker on DS16 phone for his safety. He travels to school by train and goes out with friends. DS16 is refusing to be tracked and is saying it's an invasion of privacy. AIBU to make him install an app that lets me see his location? I don't see how this would invade his privacy unless he's up to something dodgy in which case I should know about that.

Work colleague argues he's tracking the phone he pays for and not the child.

Me and DD have Life 360. She loves to see where I am and I can see when she's almost home for tea.

He's your child but he's not a child. You need to let go a bit. Especially for school.

If there's a particular activity that is more worrying maybe in a case by case basis you both agree on.

When DS15 went missing, the first thing the police asked was if I had his location on our phones...

Of course you're unreasonable. It does nothing to keep him safe - it just tells you where his phone is.

And of course it invades his privacy - you do not need to know where he is every minute of the day.
This is about managing your own anxiety, so perhaps you need some help with that.

I track everyone, including my dad so I can check he’s alive. I pay for my kids phones. I rarely check where they are but was useful at reading.

Having a tracker on his phone won’t keep him safe

I agree with your son, I’m not comfortable with tracking unless there’s specific vulnerability. I don’t think it’s healthy for parents either

Exactly! The person who pays the phone bill dictates the conditions under which it is used.

If he feels that strongly about it then no I wouldn’t. I do have my kids on FindMyPhone - their phones are an add-on to my account so they’re there automatically. They know and aren’t bothered. Do I use it? Yes occasionally, especially the one who’s newly driving and shit at keeping in touch! At some point they’ll get their own contract and disable it I guess.

It’s a hard one. Some people track their whole family for practical reasons like getting dinner on, arranging collection from a train station etc.

Equally, if someone doesn’t want tracked (above a certain age) then that should be respected. As someone said, it only tracks the device; you’d need an AirTag in his shoe or something to ensure you were tracking him.

Oh please, I agree with him. It's an invasion of privacy. I suspect if you do this he will resent you. I know I would.
I find what you are doing to a 16 year old interfering. Think about him and his wishes, it's not about you.

That ship sailed. If you wanted to track him, you should have made it a condition when you first got the phone. Imposing it on a 16 year old isn't going to work.

He's 16, he has rights, including to privacy. "If you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to worry about" is quite literally an impressive statement. This isn't how you want to work with your children.

I track my DS 16. I think it gives him freedom from me asking what’s happening and he doesn’t mind. Eg this week he went to a city centre football match in the evening on his own by public transport and I didn’t ring him or ask where he was because I could see as he was travelling home. He can track me too and DP and I track each other, my DD19 and at uni still tracks me but once she moved out I didn’t want to track her. I really don’t see the issue.

My husband pays for my phone as we have a multi-sim deal through his work. Does he get a say in what I put on my phone?

I'd be wondering what he's got to hide!

I have a teen of a similar age and we can track each other. My kid tracks me far more than I track them. It's just handy to have an idea of when they might be home for dinner.

It's a condition of the privilege of initially having the phone and me paying for it!

As he is a child, she does actually. If he had nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be an issue. Also, if you let your kids roam around freely, doesn’t mean others should

I don’t get the immediate “what is he hiding?” idea.

What if your spouse wanted to look through your phone, you weren’t happy with it and they gave you this line? Having a bit of autonomy and wanting some privacy isn’t an indication of guilt.

I don’t think it’s hard to see why a 16YO doesn’t want his mum tracking him in real time. Those tracking apps have the capability for the tracker to send an alert to the other phone - it’s a loud alarm that goes off until the recipient silences it. Quite embarrassing thought for him that you’ll do this and his pals would know that mummy tracks her baby boy.

We're you tracked when you were 16. Nothing has changed. I despise tracking and think it's a gross invasion of privacy

Times have changed and the world was a very different place I assume when OP was 16! Also ‘were’.

Tracking a phone isn't about safety, it's about your anxiety, and you're projecting that anxiety onto your son.

A tracker won't stop anything bad from happening. At best, it will show where to find the body.

What problem is it solving?

Keeping your son safe? No.

Pandering to your anxiety? Yes.ù

My daughter (13) and I have a family iPhone account so can see each other. I don’t have it up for the most part but it’s helpful to know how long she’ll be. When she’s going somewhere new she asks me to watch and make sure she’s on the bus going the right way or if we’re meeting each other in town she can find me. I’ll turn it off when she asks though, by 16 I’d hope she’d manage to get a bus wherever she wants without me double checking on her.

And?

If he really wanted to "go missing" he'd dump the phone. If he was taken by someone, the first thing they would do is get rid of the phone.

Why would he need to track a phone?

I would say if you have got to 16 without the tracking then it’s his choice whether to add it or not.

Both my teens had find my iPhone on their phones when they were first given them and told as I was paying the bill I’d like to be able to be to locate the phone.

As DS got older about 15 he asked me to take it off. After a conversation we agreed that I would remove it from my access but he needed to keep the log in details safe in case the phone was stolen. Once he turned about 18 and working full time, he asked to rejoin the family group. We can all see each others location, including me & DH.

DD13 has never asked for it to be taken off yet. And at 13 I’d probably say no, however as an older teen / young adult she may want some privacy like DS did. But eventually he realised no one tracking him, just odd occasions when we couldn’t get in touch or if I wanted to see how far away he was for dinner.