Page 5 | AIBU to track ds16 location

NimbleMintOrca · 2026-01-09T22:27:30+00:00

I want to install a location tracker on DS16 phone for his safety. He travels to school by train and goes out with friends. DS16 is refusing to be tracked and is saying it's an invasion of privacy. AIBU to make him install an app that lets me see his location? I don't see how this would invade his privacy unless he's up to something dodgy in which case I should know about that.

redskydelight · 12/01/2026 07:32

HelenaWilson · 12/01/2026 00:42

Yes it won't make them any safer, but I know my kids and I know that if eg dd15 has been at the park for 5 mins on her walk home from town then I'm heading right there for her.

You track her to the extent that you know immediately if she's taking five minutes longer than normal to walk home?

What if she's met someone she knows and has just stopped to speak to them?

I also suspect this is chicken and egg. If you are tracking your DC so intensively that they know you will identify if you spend 5 minutes too "long" in the park, then they are going to make sure that they behave exactly as expected, to avoid aggro. This is control dressed up as concern.

You may have compliance now, but you are likely to end up with children who won't tell you anything for fear of reprisals later.

crossedlines · 12/01/2026 08:20

Jupiterthecat · 12/01/2026 06:50

People keep saying the "world has changed" when trying to justify tracking their children. The only thing that has changed is this ability to keep tabs on your children at all times. Statistically we are just as safe now as we have ever been. Levels of crime etc haven't increased.

I'm really against tracking anyone. The only situations I think it is acceptable are ones where perhaps an adult parent has dementia or a child with ASD. But outside of this, I think it's such a breach of privacy. And in any case if a person loses their phone or its stolen, all a tracker does is tell you where the phone is not the person.

I also find it weird to be tracking people so you know when to get dinner ready. Can people not just phone to say they are nearby or re-heat their dinner when they get home when they are late?!

Show quote history

This, 100%

I just send a voice note if I’m nearly home and want dh to stick the dinner on. He doesn’t need to know exactly where I am at all times to facilitate that! Ditto if my children wanted to contact. It’s incredibly controlling to want to know other people’s location 24/7 (discounting the very specific reasons such as dementia as outlined)

Raisinsaretheonlyfruit · 12/01/2026 08:24

I dont track my teens , I want them to learn how to stay safe without me hovering. They do have to actively check in with us especially if in town or going somewhere new. I also disagree the world is less safe now but ironically knowing where everyone is, or should be has made us more anxious. The tracking only tracks the phone

singthing · 12/01/2026 17:54

I have seen a few comments like "I don't mind being tracked, I have nothing to hide" on this thread.

This is such a gigantic red-flag, bad-faith argument. Privacy is a basic human right*, but this type of phrasing tries to reframe it as if wanting that baseline = something to hide and therefore that person should explain why.

Surveillance requires justification. Privacy does not.

---
(* https://www.ohchr.org/en/privacy-in-the-digital-age/international-standards

NannyOgg1341 · 12/01/2026 17:58

It's such a tough area- I totally get his feelings, I would have hated it at 16. Having said that, we downloaded Life360 just so we find DS16 to pick him up after a concert and it was really useful to see when he was on the way to the meet-up spot. We're all on it now, not monitoring each other constantly but it's good for logistics- I don't know if you could sell it to him more in a practical/emergencies way rather than a tracking/monitoring way?

3oldladiesstuckinalavatory · 12/01/2026 22:52

I agree with PP that the ship has probably sailed. My 16 year old is trackable, but I very rarely use it - usually just to find out what time he's likely to get home if I'm cooking dinner, because it saves me ringing him. My 12 year old has to have it on at all times, that's a condition of having the phone. There have been instances where tracking the phone was incredibly useful - once when the phone got lost on a day out (I could see where it was and called the venue so we could retrieve it) and once when I got a panicked call from DC who'd got on the wrong bus. I could find out exactly where they were and went to find them. I think it has to be transparent though - they can track me too, if they were arsed (I'm sure they're not). I very rarely look at it though - by 16 kids deserve privacy.

LighthouseLED · 12/01/2026 22:58

redskydelight · 11/01/2026 14:28

My daughter goes to a university where a popular student night club is just next to the river.
Every year, multiple parents who insist on tracking their children for no particular reason, have major panics as the tracker shows their child is in the river at 2am.

When I was at university one of the most popular nightclubs was a boat on the river. Goodness knows how many parents would have been panicked by that tracking, if it had existed back then!

Pistachiocake · 12/01/2026 23:42

A lot of kids like the idea, as you're not constantly messaging them. Why not say it's a whole family thing, so everyone can see where everyone is, and it's fair?
As someone who was in high school when mobiles became normal, when tracking first came in, I thought it was really creepy that my partner (didn't have kids then!) could see exactly where I was. But now, I love the fact he can have a brew ready for me as he knows exactly when I'll walk in!
Maybe push that aspect? That he'll get the tea he wants straight away? Or a lift from the station in bad weather?

crossedlines · 13/01/2026 08:22

3oldladiesstuckinalavatory · 12/01/2026 22:52

I agree with PP that the ship has probably sailed. My 16 year old is trackable, but I very rarely use it - usually just to find out what time he's likely to get home if I'm cooking dinner, because it saves me ringing him. My 12 year old has to have it on at all times, that's a condition of having the phone. There have been instances where tracking the phone was incredibly useful - once when the phone got lost on a day out (I could see where it was and called the venue so we could retrieve it) and once when I got a panicked call from DC who'd got on the wrong bus. I could find out exactly where they were and went to find them. I think it has to be transparent though - they can track me too, if they were arsed (I'm sure they're not). I very rarely look at it though - by 16 kids deserve privacy.

But in that sort of situation (getting on wrong bus) why not let them share their location? That way you can see where they are when they need you to rather than this tracking of everyone in the family knowing where everyone else is 24/7!!

HelenaWilson · 13/01/2026 13:28

A lot of kids like the idea, as you're not constantly messaging them.

Why do you need to be constantly messaging them?

RollOnSunshine · 13/01/2026 14:18

There is no need to install an app. All you need is good maps shared location.

But to answer the question yes it's unreasonable unless he has previous form for lying and getting into dangerous situations.