AIBU to track ds16 location

[NimbleMintOrca]

I want to install a location tracker on DS16 phone for his safety. He travels to school by train and goes out with friends. DS16 is refusing to be tracked and is saying it's an invasion of privacy. AIBU to make him install an app that lets me see his location? I don't see how this would invade his privacy unless he's up to something dodgy in which case I should know about that.

We use “find my” on our iPhones. The kids are adults now and have been told they can come off it if they want to but they don’t.

I track my 16 year old. But it was a condition when he got the phone, it hasn't been removed. And SN in play. I still randomly check messages and browsing history, my argument being I pay for it, my name is on the contract, I'm legally responsible for anything on it.

I'm not sure I would be able to impose it at 16 tbh if it had never been used before.

DH, both DC and I have all location shared with each other. DC2 likes it to check when I'm home or if I'm on my way to collect her (after many tears of "you didn't answer me" and my explanations of "I can't text whilst I'm driving!")

@SeaShellsSanctuary1 no I wasn't tracked when I was 16, I also wasn't allowed out without a parent or grandparent. So my DC have far more freedom than I ever did, even if it means their phones are being tracked.

I have my kids, a couple of my friends, and their kids all on life360.
Mainly for when yhe kids are travelling or all out together, or if we are out in a group and split up we can easily meet back up.

The difference here, is that everyone knows and agreed to it.
If any one of them didn't agree, it wouldn't happen, and anyone is free to leave it whenever they want.

Well it was certainly no less safe if that's what you were implying.

He is being reasonable to request no tracking. But you could require him to be home for a specific time and to reply to texts if you ask where he is.

the world is SAFER than 30 years ago and kids should be able to be independent.

is there a specific reason you want to track him now and didn’t when he was 14?

Oh, I'm torn on this one. I totally think he deserves his privacy, but I'm also aware of cases where people have gone missing and the car has gone into a ditch and wasn't visible, or they've walked off the main track and been injured and have been so difficult to find in time. So, I think maybe you have to think about his hobbies, and your local area and geography a bit. If you are living in a city where if he came to any harm there would be plenty of folk around to help, then I'd say he deserves the same privacy we all had growing up. If he's regularly cycling/hiking in rural areas then that might be different (although chances of a signal are less).

We have family link. At 16 DD felt it was unfair that we could track her and she couldn't do the same to us. we went to Google maps location tracker for all of us.

Personally I like DH tracking my drive home and the G&T being on the table as I walk through the door from work on a Friday.

I think your son is absolutely correct. Tracking someone is a gross invasion of privacy and, at that age, he should be building his independence and adulting skills. He needs to learn how to cope with difficult situations without immediately recoursing to mummy to sort out his problems. How on earth are young people going to learn how to cope with everyday life otherwise?
I have no idea what the obsession is with getting dinner ready for people as soon as they walk through the door, and, as for the person who said they weren't allowed out without a parent or grandparent when they were 16, words fail me.
I consider the whole tracking thing quite sickening, except for atypical situations such as for a child with ASN, which is very different of course.

I agree with your DS, complete invasion of privacy. I have DSs 20 (at uni), 18 and 14. I have never even considered tracking them. My nephew (21) is tracked by his parents, they know all his movements, when he is late for lectures, when he stays at his girlfriends. Very intrusive behaviour.

Me, DH and DS16 are all on Life 360 and have been for years. Nobody has ever objected.

Its a personal thing, i never installed trackers because i saw kids that have them.leaving their phones behind to go to.places they shouldnt be which is a greater risk imo. Instead we set rules i would trust them until they gave me reason not to, they have to tell me where they are going and who with. If going to a party, a different city etc they send me a location pin on arrival and keep in touch as prior agreed.

Its hard, at times a tracking app would have been easier but overall we have better trust, they have freedom and i am more relaxed than many of my friends who are constantly checking (and arguing with) their kids locations.

Does tracking still work if you turn location off? Or the tracking app? Or the phone? Or if its out of battery/broken? If it doesn't surely it's pointless without his agreement. And I think the 'reassurance' gained for a parent is over stated. It tells you where the phone is, not what your child is doing or who they are with. As someone said up thread, it might tell you where to find the body.

No I track DD's and she is 18.

I'm so glad tracking didn't exist when I was young as my Mother would have been a nightmare.

Teens are being taught to believe they don't deserve privacy.

I think one of the hardest things about being a teenager now is their feeling of being constantly under surveillance. Social media means the pressure to be constantly on show, there’s very little privacy and I think it’s hugely damaging and doesn’t encourage young people to mature and develop personal responsibility.

im so glad my kids were teenagers before mobile phones were used by virtually everyone and certainly long before smart phones and tracking were a thing.

it’s a Terrible invasion of his privacy. You didn’t set this out as part of the ‘deal’ when you got him the phone. This would have given him the chance to say ‘no thanks’ It’s really mean and disrespectful to try to give him this ultimatum now.

Why not try to develop a bit of trust?

Completely agree with this. How did we all manage before tracking? Quite well

Why now? I assume he's been taking himself to school since at least secondary age without concerns, so why does he suddenly need to be tracked at 16?
I don't like how tracking is being normalised. I don't want anyone tracking me, and kids also deserve privacy.

16 in year 11 or 12?
My DD is 14, year 10. I have told her I will remove parental controls/screen time limits when she’s 16 and finished her GCSEs. She isn’t bothered about me tracking her but I will probably remove that at the same time.
Me and DH don’t track eachother, I think it’s very weird to track a other adult

We have Life 360. Ds put it on our phones when he left for university so I wouldn’t panic if I didn’t hear from him. To be fair though his health isn’t good so I do worry more. I don’t really look at it very often though.
23 year old dd was not being left out! She then wanted it too. She travels a lot so I suppose it is good to have.

He doesn't want it, so don't do it. I find it very intrusive and as someone who was previously in a very controlling relationship, I feel very sad at how normalised it is now.

I don’t think you should force it on him if he is against it. My twentysomething kids do have apps, but have no problems with it at all. They can also see that I’m safe as well.

Yes this was the same for us. My daughter set up the Life 360 account herself.

My 15 year old and 18 year old don't want to be tracked,so I don't track them. I'd be a lot happier tracking them but I respect their views.

Make him how, exactly?

It would really concern me if a 16yo was spineless enough to allow this. He's less than two years away from being an adult, which means having to say no to people sometimes. If he can't stand up to you, how is he going to cope with a dodgy landlord or an exploitative employer or an abusive partner? If you want to create a young adult who has no confidence in his ability to take care of himself and make his own decisions, you're going the right way about it.

This my over 18 and we are all on Life 360.