Page 8 | Sister ruined Christmas with stupid affair drama - AIBU to be really stressed?

aerisgainsborough · 2026-01-09T13:32:19+00:00

It’s a long one, grab a brew and a biscuit. I’m 36, sister B is 33, sister C is 31. All married, I have 3 children, we’re close knit, live within 5 miles of each other and do stuff with each other and our parents all the time. Middle sis has always had issues with self-esteem and either hates herself or loves herself. Has always been impulsive and attention-seeking (my youngest sis and I think she may have BPD). B’s husband is a bit of a wet lettuce and very surface-level, is a bit ignorant and only speaks to my kids to tell them off in a really patronising voice.B He has “not made his mind up” on whether or not to start a family so B is kind of stuck in limbo on that and they won’t discuss it. She tries to let on that she doesn’t want children, but it directly contradicts what’s she’s said before and she flip flops constantly. They have very few commitments, a cat and a weekly board game club, and sit playing online games all weekend and that’s about it but reckon they live busy lives. However, B cheated on him 10-ish years ago and he forgave her, which made us all lose respect for both B and for him because she really was horrible to him. He then proposed and they’ve been married for 5 years. He struggles a lot with anxiety etc and she says she feels more like his carer, but we’ve never seen any behaviour to support this so just generally have to take her word for it. Recently B started a new job (she changes jobs nearly every year) and has got friendly with a male co-worker who is 10 years younger and they’ve started up a fling, despite them both being married. She “left” her husband almost immediately and declared her love for him. He strung her along for weeks, saying he couldn’t leave his girlfriend yet, going through phases of constant messaging and then ghosting her. Eventually she confronted this lad and said she loves him and he’s told her he regrets it all and nothing can happen. I was sworn to secrecy during all of this and nobody else knew but me, which was horrible and during Christmas week so I spent the whole Christmas period hosting the rest of the family while B and her husband went and played happy families with his side. I’m autistic and had a very intense internal struggle with all this. I was crying, feeling sick, unable to think about anything else. I was trying to cope with everything changing, her betrayal and not being the person I thought she was, them already being split up but not telling anyone, When it finally all came out and she told everyone, they were all angry at her for putting me in that position. It’s all everyone has been able to talk about since and my mum keeps trying to get me to find things out. I’m the eldest default child who gets leaned on by everyone and I’m just so tired. So B is now just living with her husband as housemates and helping each other set up dating profiles. She is meeting up with a 40-odd year old she met on a kink app and during a phone call he told her that he had massive hands and could choke the life out of her if he wanted to. I’m sitting there listening as she tells me she’s meeting up with him at his flat in Manchester and I am now picturing her being chopped up and dumped in a bin. I’m trying to put some distance between me and her problems because we all get a bit enmeshed at times and it’s not good for my mental health but I am worried sick that something will happen to her. My parents fully believe that B and husband will get back together and don’t know about B being “on the apps”. I’m sick of them asking about it and just don’t know what to do about it all. Thank you, if you’ve read this far.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/01/2026 19:55

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 16:32

She’s not neurodivergent and she’s even said herself that she might have BPD in the past. She struggles with impulsiveness, fear of abandonment, aggression, no sense of self outside of a relationship, patterns of unstable relationships and splitting. As part of my training as a MHP, I learned a lot about it but I don’t diagnose people. Is it not an accepted diagnosis anymore, similar to Asperger’s not being diagnosed separately anymore because it’s archaic? What does current research offer as an alternative diagnosis for these patterns of behaviour?

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Sounds similar to me. I have autism and ADHD. ADHD can cause impulsiveness and difficulty with unstable relationships. Difficulties with sensory processing due to ND can cause meltdowns which look like ‘aggression.’ As well as myself I have several friends who have been diagnosed with BPD/ EUPD in the past but have since received diagnoses of autism and adhd. I think when there are both (often now referred to as AuDHD) one can sometimes mask the other and so it’s less obvious and this is where it can be confused with BPD or other ‘personality disorders.’ It’s telling that the increase in girls/ women being diagnosed as ND is in line with the decline of BPD, a diagnosis usually given to women and girls; neurodivergence often explains these same patterns of behaviour, it’s just taken a long time before it’s been recognised that autism and ADHD typically present differently in women and particularly if they are comorbid.

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:02

rainonfriday · 09/01/2026 18:07

My take on it is -

Your parents are overstepping Bs boundaries and always asking her about it. She doesn't want to tell them and is getting cross that they won't respect that. That's why they're tiptoeing on eggshells round her as if she's the problem, because they think they're entitled to information about her, so they think her not telling them is the problem and they can't see how rude they're being always asking and that she's justified in being cross with them. I'm guessing it's this because my parents do the exact same thing.

Since they can't get information out of B they ask you to be their flying monkey and obtain it instead. This part you can control. Tell them no. If you do have information about B, refuse to discuss it with or pass it onto, your parents. They have no rights to know anything she doesn't want to tell them.

They don't have rights to use you as flying monkey either. If they get cross with you for refusing to do what they want in obtaining and passing on information, recognise their rudeness in that and respond to them as you would to any other rude person, which might include choosing not to hang out with them if they keep being rude. Just because you share DNA doesn't mean they're entitled to your company. If they keep stressing you, don't spend time with them.

You've been brought up to gossip and to think it's normal and ok. It isn't. You can change that by refusing to participate. If you must discuss your thoughts about B with anyone, make it your DH. Don't discuss her with other family members. If other family members try to drag you into gossiping, respond only with neutral comments like "she's an adult, I'm sure she'll work it out". Don't give a judgement or personal opinion, keep those thoughts to yourself. If you're inclined to gossip in general, ask other non-gossipy friends to point out if they notice you doing it. That way you can start to recognise it yourself and re-train yourself to be nicer. You can tell people it's your new year's resolution.

You're going to have to be really blunt with B, even if it pisses her off. If you tell her you don't want to talk about something and she keeps on, literally tell her to shut up.

Yes, it's rude, but so is she being rude by not respecting your wishes. Rude people often don't understand or pick up on subtlety, or if they do they ignore it because they want to carry on as they are. It's not at all subtle saying you don't want to hear about something, so if she's ignoring even that level of directness, you're justified in being incredibly blunt to the point of rudeness.

Don't feel guilty about it and if she gets cross with you and starts having a go at you, don't tolerate that either. If she doesn't want to face rudeness, she shouldn't dish it out. If she respected your wishes not to hear about it, you wouldn't have had to resort to rudeness to get her to shut up.

Tell B you're really busy at the moment and can she please text or call first if she wants to come over. If she shows up without doing this, it's ok to not answer the door. If she calls or texts first or gives you a chance to say if it's convenient for her to drop by or not. You don't have to give her access to your home just because she doesn't want to hang out in hers. It's not as if she's trying to escape domestic abuse.

Not sure you're asking for opinions on B or not but I do think she's right to leave the relationship because she wants DC and her husband obviously doesn't like them. IMO he has been stringing her alone with false hope that he might change his mind, hoping to do that until her fertility runs out so then she thinks there's no point in leaving him because her chance at motherhood is over anyway. Meaning he gets what he wants: to keep their relationship but not have DC, it's a mean approach that doesn't consider Bs happiness in life. No reason she should put up with that.

If she's got BPD she should get help before she fucks up any DC she has by neglecting them emotionally. If she can't even cope with her own emotions as a single woman, it'll be a whole lot harder looking after herself as a mother and being responsible for DC's emotional/physical wellbeing too. So seeing atl therapist to work through her situation is a good idea. It's not your job to make her do it though.

I'd run a mile from the creepy choking guy myself but then I'd never be on a kink dating site either, so goodness knows what B is into. I don't like discussing my own or other people's sex lives though, so I'd be same as you not wanting to hear it.

You're not a bad person for not wanting all the gory (and worrying) details. The guilt is because you've been brought up that it's your job to fix things for everyone, so refusing to do it is going against your training and making you feel bad. It's not your job though and it never was, so the guilt is misplaced and best to be ignored.

You’re right and your take is welcome and noted. I honestly didn’t realise that answering my parents’ questions was gossiping but I do now. It’s not info that she would have kept from them since the big reveal after Christmas, so I guess I didn’t see the harm. I am also just so relieved not to be the only one who knows.

Since the dating apps activity started, I made the decision not to tell my parents any of it because I feel like that is definitely info that she herself would not tell them. I have been telling my mum I don’t know anything since B told me about the choking thing. I am backing off and leaving them to their delulu Keeping Up Appearances notion of B and husband staying together.

OP posts:

herefortheclicks · 09/01/2026 20:03

I am here for the clicks but this all is just ridiculous.

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:05

independentfriend · 09/01/2026 19:11

Standard kink advice would be:

Try to talk to other people who know the person you're planning to meet in advance
Meet somewhere public - coffee shop / pub and go from there.
Seriously consider arranging to do kink stuff with a new person at a kink club. Not everybody into kink wants to do it with an audience but there are safety advantages ie. in a kink club if you start shouting "red" you will quickly attract attention from staff / volunteers which is useful if the person you're doing stuff with is behaving badly and you want to get away. It's also useful if you want to do tying people up in ways that are hard to escape from - the risk is of the person doing the tying up suddenly becoming unwell and the tied up person being stuck. And useful for other things too but you get the idea.
Hotels are safer than people's houses - they have reception desks / CCTV and are a good choice when you don't know someone well.
Having a safe call - someone who will come and find you / phone the police to report you missing if they don't hear from you by an agreed time.

Predatory people may try to isolate a new person from the kink community in the hopes they don't get to hear warnings about them or good advice on negotiating play.

Kinksters also tend to take a much more conservative line on choking than you might expect and are a bit horrified at it becoming more mainstream. It's extremely dangerous and lots of us wouldn't dream of doing it. It is redflaggy to have it come up in early discussions. There's no way to make it safe (some people do it anyway with an awareness of those risks).

So, you could sensibly encourage your sister to look up and go to local munches (coffee / pub social meets for kinky people). That would give her other more appropriate people to talk to about kinky.

Standard boundaries around discussing sex between siblings would say it'd be better for you both if she found someone else to be her safe call person.

Autism is definitely worth looking at given you have it. Sometimes there's both autism and a BPD/EUPD element and you need to know about the autism to adapt the treatment for the personality disorder.

This is all really good advice, thank you

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MorningActivity · 09/01/2026 20:05

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 09/01/2026 13:59

People who don’t understand autism often suppose that it makes you unemotional. The opposite can often be true, especially for women. Kindly, your neurodivergence means that you are particularly ill-equipped to deal with this. You probably have an over-developed sense of what is right and wrong and it is unfair of any member of your family to try to draw you into drama and secrets. It is bound to make you feel constantly anxious.

You can’t control your sister’s behaviour anymore than you can control your emotional responses to it. You can, however, protect yourself by being clear about your boundaries. Experiment to find a phrase that feels authentic to you and shut down conversations that make you anxious and are essentially about things that are nothing to do with you; something like “I just cannot talk about this any more. It really upsets me and I need you to leave me out of it”. If they don’t yet understand how your autism is linked to your anxiety then it’s about time they learned. (Eldest daughter and mum to 2 DDs with AuDHD and an autistic DH).

⬆️⬆️ this all the way

Also I want to acknowledge that just saying ‘not your circus’ is nowhere near as easy as some posters make out.
Its even more difficult if there’s been a long history of either sister coming to you with their problems, using ‘to get things out because it’s killing them’ etc….
Saying ‘no I dint want to hear about that’ and physically walking out of the room if B continues is very hard to do the first time. It gets easier each time you do it though.

godmum56 · 09/01/2026 20:09

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 19:38

We can’t all be bulletproof just because we work in mental health. Fucked up family dynamics are there for a lot of people, I don’t think I’m in the minority there. You’re right though, the time has come for me to make some decisions.

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no but you have got more chance to learn how to handle it and protect your mental health than most people do.

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:10

RawBloomers · 09/01/2026 19:32

This is the wrong way to think about boundaries. Boundaries aren't requests you make that other people stick to. That's just the other person acting well. You don't need to set boundaries with someone who will follow your requests.

Boundaries are things that you stick to. You don't need your sister to stop trying to tell you stuff (though it would be lovely if she did). You need to stop listening to her. That's you having a boundary. Not saying "Please don't." when it happens, but saying "Sorry, I have to go."

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Ok, I see. I saw it as a two way thing, almost like a contract. So it shouldn’t be reactionary

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Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:14

Stucknstoopit · 09/01/2026 19:33

I’m neurodivergent and I understand the tendency to get pulled into other people’s drama and to end up with it absorbing you, taking away your brain space and making you feel anxious .
I’d always end up paying a far higher price than anyone who’s actually involved.

you need to start telling everyone you don’t want to be involved, you don’t want your sister to tell you stuff and you don’t want other people grilling you for information.
Don’t need to go into detail, just stick to your guns and spend less time with them if they keep trying to pull you in or interrogate you.

Thank you, I feel seen. I hate that it’s not a level playing field to begin with. I’ve resolved to do exactly this.

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shuggles · 09/01/2026 20:14

@aerisgainsborough Does your sister know that normal men exist? You know, men who aren't already in a relationship with another woman, and men who don't threaten physical violence?

Men massively outnumber women on dating apps, so it's not as if her choices are limited. She could easily be in a relationship with a completely normal man if she wants to be, but instead she's choosing really weird and dysfunctional men.

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:17

wrongthinker · 09/01/2026 19:50

I can understand why you're worried about your sister but you're not helping her by keeping her secrets and getting involved in her dramas.

Let her know that you're worried about her and suggest she seeks out a therapist, counsellor, or psychiatrist to discuss her situation with. Tell her that you are not able to give her that kind of support and that you need to focus on your own family. Let her know that you won't be keeping her secrets, either.

She may or may seek out some mental health help. But that's up to her. You can't force people to seek out help and support. But you can stop enabling and encouraging their destructive behaviours and dramas.

I would also stop gossiping about her with your parents, husband, and your other sister. It's not fair and it just keeps the drama alive. Stop bringing it up and if anyone brings it up with you, shut it down immediately. Focus on your own life.

I have been trying to focus on my own life, it’s all I want. I desperately want to be left alone and just be able to have a quiet life as a 5.

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Excited101 · 09/01/2026 20:18

I feel that the vast majority of posters can’t empathise with you op, and that’s why they’re being quite direct. I have a family member who is similar to B and also end up being dragged into their drama and have done for our whole lives. These things don’t happen all of a sudden, it’s often a build up over years from childhood and it’s easy to end up fully enmeshed without wanting or intending to be. It’s exhausting and frustrating and you end up involved because they involve you over a number of years.

be kind to yourself op, it’s probably not you that’s the issue. Get yourself some space and c create some healthy boundaries and she’ll have to figure it out for herself. Her life is not for you to fix.

OneNewEagle · 09/01/2026 20:18

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 14:08

Thank you for seeing me. Me and two of my children have autism and you’ve described it perfectly. I am empathetic to the point of pain sometimes and I didn’t think of the social justice angle. I get taken advantage of because of it by people who need someone to listen.

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I’m autistic too, this sort of thing is a nightmare. People always thought I’m there to listen to all of this sordid awful stuff and then it goes around and around inside of me and makes me physically sick. Some of us autistic women can’t cope with this stuff. I estranged from my family nowadays and it does make my life easier in this way.

from now on stay away from all of the drama and don’t find out anything about your sister. If your mum asks tell her to ask her you haven’t spoken to her. You and your children are more important.

as for the sex thing he sounds like an absolute weirdo if you take it word for word but that’s probably meaning she’s into being choked in a sex way. I used to work in nightclubs and the things you hear and learn about peoples sex lives ….not with their husbands or wives as they are at home with the kids. Once again overload for my brain. Why she’d tell you that is beyond me.

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:20

shuggles · 09/01/2026 20:14

@aerisgainsborough Does your sister know that normal men exist? You know, men who aren't already in a relationship with another woman, and men who don't threaten physical violence?

Men massively outnumber women on dating apps, so it's not as if her choices are limited. She could easily be in a relationship with a completely normal man if she wants to be, but instead she's choosing really weird and dysfunctional men.

Edited

Story of her life. I think she’d be bored, pretty sure that’s what has happened here. I hope she lets herself get help from someone professional and not involved so that she can unpick what is behind these patterns of behaviour.

OP posts:

OriginalUsername2 · 09/01/2026 20:20

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 18:46

I feel seen by you, you get it. Boundaries ignored equals the same old shitty cycle and my inner people pleaser/empath/helper jumps out time and time again.

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If boundaries don’t work, try consequences. Tell your family.

wrongthinker · 09/01/2026 20:23

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:17

I have been trying to focus on my own life, it’s all I want. I desperately want to be left alone and just be able to have a quiet life as a 5.

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Yet you're on here, hashing out all your feelings about your sister, getting involved in all the details, talking about it with your family, making it the centre of your attention... That's you doing that. No one is making you. Your choice.

Your sister didn't ruin Christmas. You ruined your own Christmas by getting involved in gossiping and judgement, drama and secret keeping. At any point, you could have shut the whole thing down. But you've kept it going and going, all while blaming everyone else.

You should learn from this experience. The only person whose behaviour you can control is your own. Recognise how you created the situation that you find yourself in, and make different choices.

99bottlesofkombucha · 09/01/2026 20:30

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 14:50

I’m not pushing my way in, I’ve only ever just been there when she needs me.

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umm. Absolutely nothing in that post said stop pushing your way in, so why was that your reply? The whole post was advice on helping you get yourself OUT of it, but for some reason you responded like the poster had said stop pushing into her drama 10 times. You need to step back, you need to tell her you found Christmas really really stressful keeping her secrets and you won’t be keeping anymore and you don’t want to hear about this for a while. Put some boundaries in! You can love your sister and still say leave me the fuck out of your drama for a while. Chuck it all on sister C (who I expect would tell her to fuck off, which is why B doesn’t)

99bottlesofkombucha · 09/01/2026 20:33

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:17

I have been trying to focus on my own life, it’s all I want. I desperately want to be left alone and just be able to have a quiet life as a 5.

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By ‘I have been trying’ have you actually done something? If my 7yo said I’d tried to tidy my room and he’d only stared at it miserably I’d be frustrated and say how could you be trying when you didn’t even pick anything up!!! You’re not trying if you haven’t said ‘I don’t want to hear any more of this, you ruined my Christmas too you know, I’m not your therapist and I think you’re making some really bad choices. I also really judge cheaters. Could you just not call me for a week please? Call someone else and unload on them or get a therapist.’ Now THAT would be trying.

nomas · 09/01/2026 20:37

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 14:41

I love them both and always will, which is why I’m so concerned for her. However, I can’t help but feel a bit resentful when she throws a grenade into her own life and then expects me to be like “Yassss Queen, you do you” and let her use my house as a therapists office and somewhere to go when she doesn’t want to be around her husband/potential ex husband anymore.

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You need to get a back bone and say no.

I have a few sisters, the one I don’t get on with, I see very little of.

When she asks to come over, say you’re busy with plans.

If she knocks on the door, don’t answer.

If she calls, text her ‘Can’t talk’.

BidetBeforeDDay · 09/01/2026 20:44

shuggles · 09/01/2026 20:14

@aerisgainsborough Does your sister know that normal men exist? You know, men who aren't already in a relationship with another woman, and men who don't threaten physical violence?

Men massively outnumber women on dating apps, so it's not as if her choices are limited. She could easily be in a relationship with a completely normal man if she wants to be, but instead she's choosing really weird and dysfunctional men.

Edited

Not the point of the thread, but it's not that easy to find a nice, normal man on dating apps. Men may outnumber women on them but so many are weirdos or otherwise undesirable!

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:45

OneNewEagle · 09/01/2026 20:18

I’m autistic too, this sort of thing is a nightmare. People always thought I’m there to listen to all of this sordid awful stuff and then it goes around and around inside of me and makes me physically sick. Some of us autistic women can’t cope with this stuff. I estranged from my family nowadays and it does make my life easier in this way.

from now on stay away from all of the drama and don’t find out anything about your sister. If your mum asks tell her to ask her you haven’t spoken to her. You and your children are more important.

as for the sex thing he sounds like an absolute weirdo if you take it word for word but that’s probably meaning she’s into being choked in a sex way. I used to work in nightclubs and the things you hear and learn about peoples sex lives ….not with their husbands or wives as they are at home with the kids. Once again overload for my brain. Why she’d tell you that is beyond me.

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Thank you. I feel like I’m coming across as a spiteful, drama-loving gossip that wouldn’t be out of place in Bridgerton or the Tudor court. This is 36 years of toxicity and clearly my own overwhelming need to care for everyone and try to solve problems and people please. I really don’t want to be like this, I wish I could be able to just detach like some of the commenters on this post.

OP posts:

Original poster

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 20:50

99bottlesofkombucha · 09/01/2026 20:30

umm. Absolutely nothing in that post said stop pushing your way in, so why was that your reply? The whole post was advice on helping you get yourself OUT of it, but for some reason you responded like the poster had said stop pushing into her drama 10 times. You need to step back, you need to tell her you found Christmas really really stressful keeping her secrets and you won’t be keeping anymore and you don’t want to hear about this for a while. Put some boundaries in! You can love your sister and still say leave me the fuck out of your drama for a while. Chuck it all on sister C (who I expect would tell her to fuck off, which is why B doesn’t)

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I think I replied to the wrong comment there, That comment was very useful and thank you for bringing my mistake to my attention. Sorry @CorvusPurpureus

OP posts:

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 09/01/2026 20:54

aerisgainsborough · 09/01/2026 18:40

I think rescuer and enabler are my middle names. I hate it and you’re right.

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You might get quite a lot from the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I recommend it.

BidetBeforeDDay · 09/01/2026 20:54

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/01/2026 19:55

Sounds similar to me. I have autism and ADHD. ADHD can cause impulsiveness and difficulty with unstable relationships. Difficulties with sensory processing due to ND can cause meltdowns which look like ‘aggression.’ As well as myself I have several friends who have been diagnosed with BPD/ EUPD in the past but have since received diagnoses of autism and adhd. I think when there are both (often now referred to as AuDHD) one can sometimes mask the other and so it’s less obvious and this is where it can be confused with BPD or other ‘personality disorders.’ It’s telling that the increase in girls/ women being diagnosed as ND is in line with the decline of BPD, a diagnosis usually given to women and girls; neurodivergence often explains these same patterns of behaviour, it’s just taken a long time before it’s been recognised that autism and ADHD typically present differently in women and particularly if they are comorbid.

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This, exactly.

Plus the sister, being the scapegoat/middle child/one who's life hasn't gone to plan, will more likely have some trauma or emotional difficulties intertwined with any neurodiversity, making the overall picture more complex and confusing.

It's easy to try to put a spin on it to sound like one thing or another. For example - what's splitting, and what's autistic black-and-white thinking/the response of someone who's trusted by mistake and been hurt? What's impulsive behaviour and what's a reaction caused by overwhelm? What's reckless behaviour in relationships and what's social issues caused by a lack of understanding due to autism?

Given that neurodiversity runs in the family, the chances are even higher that she's neurodiverse. And the OP has given clues herself (that she seems to overlook) like the sister playing games all weekend, feeling her life is busy when it's not, and seeming like she hasn't grown up.

shuggles · 09/01/2026 20:56

@BidetBeforeDDay Not the point of the thread, but it's not that easy to find a nice, normal man on dating apps.

Any woman can easily be in a relationship if she wants to be as single men vastly outnumber single women.

Men may outnumber women on them but so many are weirdos or otherwise undesirable!

Obviously, the vast majority of men are perfectly normal. If you're constantly encountering "weirdos" or "undesirable" men, then that's an issue with the men that you are selecting to approach.

OogieBoogiO · 09/01/2026 21:08

YANBU to find all this a bit much. We are not robots, our actions impact our families lives because our families love us and care about what happens to us.

You’ve been supporting your sister for a long time. Now you’ve reached your “had enough” point. It’s probably a good thing because this could be your turning point where you limit your involvement (a lot/a bit).

I have no experience or advice, just wanted you to know I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be stressed. Quite a lot of people have focused on what you need to DO, and made it seem (too) easy, I just wanted to acknowledge how you feel and this process of getting annoyed enough to seek a change.

And just for reference …
All sisters are all different but I’d be pretty shocked if my sister shared details of her sex life. It would be super awkward to share any such details with my parents. That’s normal.