DHs overly friendly relationship with his colleague

[Endieo]

My DH recently got a new colleague, he is part of a small team and there are only 2 other people technically on his level.
His newest colleague is pretty young, 25 and is replacing his closest work friend.

Anyway part of his job involves working some odd hours. Namely every other Saturday morning for 2-3 hours, and 2 evenings a month roughly. He has gotten into a habit of after the recurring monthly event going out for dinner with the new girl. 3 months in now and he’s just told me he’s going out for dinner with her after the event next week, they’ve even booked a table. They also tend to go out for lunch together after the Saturday event and he’s told me that most days they go for lunch together when they are both in the office. It feels a bit odd to me how close they are. I don’t think I have any colleagues who I go for lunch with 3 days a week, dinner with once a month and then longer lunches every other Saturday.
I told him I found it odd and he said I’m being strange and they are just colleagues with lots in common.

AIBU to find this a bit intense for colleagues?

Tell him to stop.
His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

😅🤣😂 I can totally relate!

How does the OP having trust in her husband prevent him from having inappropriate feelings for the young woman? Or acting on them in the unlikely event she allows it? Because I never understand the advice to 'trust'. If anything, blind trust makes you more vulnerable as you don't see it coming and nip it in the bud.

This. Also, as pp asked, did he do these meals out with the previous colleague he was close to?

Lots in common with a lovely, new 25 year old. Fancy that…

Yes, what do they have in a common? Apart from working at the same place and enjoying meals out together.

😂

I used to go out for lunch with a married work colleague almost every day. Absolutely nothing was going on at all, purely platonic. However I found out about 2 years later that everyone at work assumed we were having an affair. How mortifying was that ?? Every time we left for lunch, they were all gossiping and winking at each other (probably).
We are still great friends now 30 years later and our kids and partners are friends also.
So it can be platonic, but as no doubt the other posters have suggested, that may be rarer than the other alternative.

this

I think this post nails it to be honest.

Relationships can be platonic, but I don't like the sound of this one. You have expressed concern over this new colleague, and all he has to say is that you are being strange about it. Any decent person in a marriage or relationship would listen to thier partner if they had concerns. If it's purely platonic, I dont think he would have an issue seeing her less if that is what you wanted.

I agree that other people will have noticed too and they might even assume an affair is going on.

Nope your not being unreasonable. Now you need to invent a new person into your life.
If there's somewhere you could go to on a evening twice a week if you could do a course something like languages or similar.
Then you name the guy sitting next to you. You start by saying how much he makes you laugh. Then you are going to all have drinks at a pub one evening. You get a taxi there and back you dress very sexy . Hair makeup Purfume. You rush to leave.
When you return your very chatty and act slightly drunk .saying oh jack looked so different tonight wow he's like name a actor.

Oh it's going to be jack this jack that.
If you can ring him one evening. Before you hang up say oh thanks jack. I loved how you sounded when at class tonight. Your French is so beautiful. Bye see you next week. Hum songs. Your hub can find you buying new underwear. A new dress. There's nothing more annoying than a sexy bloke crush.
Trust me he will want to have you stop class . And be home every evening. X

I'm embarrassed for him

Trust your gut feeling.

I would find this relationship inappropriate and a precursor to cheating.

As I said I think it’s something women can handle with no agenda at all , but most women are naturally looking at it from a women’s perspective - but I’ve found most men can usually only be arsed for career reasons, industry networking or they fancy the woman

The colleague this young woman has replaced, did your husband go out for dinner/lunch with them? I assume he didn't! If that's the case, then I think you have your answer. She's young, attractive, and he's enjoying having his ego boosted by being seen with her. Is he on the same level as his new colleague or is he more senior? Regardless if he's more senior or not, if there's a significant age gap, I can guarantee tongues will be wagging in the office. Also if he is a lot older, she might feel obliged to say yes to lunch/dinner with him.

this with bells on

If it were the other way around, would your husband feel comfortable with you having the same kind of relationship?
Probably not.
It’s not very appropriate!
My daughter looked on her husbands phone, she was feeling a sense of discomfort. She found a long stream of deleted texts with an old female “friend” and a bikini pic, that he responded to with the heart eyes emoji.
She confronted him and he said “it’s just banter”.
Maybe it was innocent, but it’s still not the right way for a married man to behave. I would object regardless of the gender of the other person to be honest.

You don’t sound very close and in your shoes I’d be worried. DH and I have always had both Sat and Sun as family days. Friends may be invited along but wed never choose to spend those days apart or not with our DC. Sounds like he likes lots of time not with you all.

this sums it up perfectly!

YANBU and even if you were, your husband is supposed to prioritise you, his wife, above ALL other women. So the fact that you have told him you're uncomfortable and his response hasn't been, okay, I'll stop seeing her outside work, is in itself a problem.

OP tell him that it's up to him if he wants to continue this 'friendship' but that he is choosing her above you, which means he is choosing his relationship with her over your marriage. Make it crystal clear to him that this is what he is doing. Let him know that you do not support him going on dates with someone else and that if this is what he wants to do, the marriage is for all intents and purposes over, so you're going to need to start looking at practicalities like housing and child care.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

You’ve told him your unhappy about it, but he doesn’t care. He is still going to go on “dinner dates” with his OW even though he knows full well you don’t want this. He is prioritising her over your feelings that is NoT what a caring loving husband does. You are being taken for granted here as we’ve as being made a full off. Buy him “not just friends” by Shirley Glass and print off how emotional affairs/affairs start and get him to read these. If you want to save your relationship act now before his “work wife” gets any friendlier. Please do fall for the “cool wife” act or you could end up hurt even more

Going out to lunch? More likely using your family budget to buy her lunch!