To be annoyed at ringing the bell at 11.20pm

[Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself]

DH forgot his keys (I had no idea). Rang the bell, twice. I freaked out hearing it, he was due home 11, shouted "who is it?" And got no answer (apparently he couldn't hear). My nervous system thought it was either police or a serial killer. Now instead of feeling nice and sleepy my heart rate is through the roof and I feel wired. Luckily DC slept through the fairly loud noise. AIBU to think he should have tried calling or texting me instead of just ringing the bell?

Absolutely! What a nob! Thank goodness DC slept through it!

Why didn’t he ring you?

Are you always so easily spooked?

I have no idea. He said he thought I might not have my phone on me, I often leave it downstairs at night.

So your DH was out, expected home any minute, yet you assumed a ring at the bell was a (presumably very polite) serial killer. How odd.

When I'm the only adult in my house and someone unexpectedly rings the bell at close to midnight, yes. There are often helicopters flying above our house seeking out crims of some kind, although the area we live in isn't particularly dodgy.

No - my NERVOUS SYSTEM did at the unexpectedness of it and reacted first, obviously my rational brain then assumed it was DH, but I struggled to make sense as to why he'd be repeatedly ringing the bell.

I think the real issue is why you jump to such alarming conclusions?! A serial killer who rings the bell?

Presumably so you’d hear?
Do you have a video doorbell?

Obviously - well I hoped it would be obvious but maybe we don't have the same sense of humour - I didn't ACTUALLY believe it was a serial killer. But the unexpectedness of it and repeated ringing alarmed me and set my anxiety off before my rational brain could respond. Bear in mind I was half asleep when this happened.

No video doorbell.

But why wouldn't he text?! Shit sorry forgot my keys - and give me a minute to respond at least

Do you use an alarm to wake you up in the morning? If so, be careful!

If I was going out due home 11 or later I'd make sure I had my keys. And if I didn't, I'd text first.

Very funny. I am expecting my alarm and I don't have to get out of bed to address it so it's very different

I'd be annoyed at the noise and potential to wake the dc up, but assuming a normal relationship I'd be back asleep by now.

He forgot his keys so he rang the bell twice. This really isn’t a big deal OP. He should take more care to not forget his keys and tell him if he does forget them in future, that he should call you to save risking waking the children up.

If your heart rate is through the roof and you feel wired, I would speak to your GP, as that level of anxiety isn’t normal.

Maybe he thought a serial killer would read it

You’re right though. Not texting is just laziness IMO. And if your kids are very young it’s very out of order!

Yeah I don't have full control of how my nervous system reacts to things sadly. I'm not sure why it got so alarmed but it did. Anyway I'm off to try and actually sleep

You said because you sometimes leave your phone downstairs 🤷‍♀️

He was only 20 minutes late.

I have no idea why you'd think it was anyone other than your husband.

I have an appt with GP tomorrow funnily enough as I'm perimenopausal and struggling with lots of symptoms, including anxiety.

Read my posts, it might help you understand.

Also that's not my AIBU. My AIBU is should he text not ring.

I've read your posts.

And as I said, I have no idea why you'd think it was anyone other than your husband as he was only 20 minutes late.

Have you never had an irrational thought or worry?

Lucky you.

Can't remember the last time he's forgotten his keys, maybe once in last decade? I didn't think he would be so crazy to ring the bell so late and risk waking our DC tbh.

I completely get why your anxiety made you on high alert but he was expected at 11 and came home 20 minutes later. In these circumstances I would definitely think it was him and not the police/serial killer. A few hours later I would think exactly as you did