To be annoyed at ringing the bell at 11.20pm

[Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself]

DH forgot his keys (I had no idea). Rang the bell, twice. I freaked out hearing it, he was due home 11, shouted "who is it?" And got no answer (apparently he couldn't hear). My nervous system thought it was either police or a serial killer. Now instead of feeling nice and sleepy my heart rate is through the roof and I feel wired. Luckily DC slept through the fairly loud noise. AIBU to think he should have tried calling or texting me instead of just ringing the bell?

If you would normally be asleep at that time then ringing the bell instead of calling seems logical to me. My phone would be on sleep mode anyway.

But either way would make sense, I don't think you can blame him for your irrational reaction to the situation.
You can blame him for forgetting his key and waking you up late at night though!

I think you need to lay off the true crime documentaries.

You make absolutely no sense here. You say you have no idea why he didn’t phone you, but then say your phone is downstairs, so presumably he knew you wouldn’t hear it. So you know exactly why he rang the bell.

The most logical explanation for a door bell ringing at the time you expect your partner home is that it’s your partner and he had lost /forgotten his keys.

Its not really his fault you had an anxious response and didn’t try to control it.

Meh, OP can't help it f she's dropping off to sleep and a sudden DING DONG made her jump out of her skin. It's her fight or flight response. People expecting her to have full control over this are insane. If a person jumps out and shouts BOO in your face, and you genuinely had a jump scare, do you need to "see a GP"? Dramatic conclusion.

Of course but....posting on MN?

Yes I would be annoyed and also startled as I am usually asleep at this time. However as I always have my phone on silent there would be no other way of attracting my attention to get in without ringing the doorbell. This sounds similar to you, where you said you often leave your phone downstairs so maybe he felt it was quicker to just ring the doorbell rather than faff around in the cold and dark trying to text you, waiting for a response, not getting one so then ringing, also not getting a response when he could have just rung the bell in the first place.

If a real serial killer came you'd be dead before they ring the bell 😂

How were you expecting him to wake someone to let him in when you typically leave your phone downstairs at night?

YABU to expect him to text when you don’t normally have your phone with you at night and it’s bloody freezing outside so I doubt he wanted to piss about waiting to see if tonight was an exception.

But you would have been far more frantic if he hadn't come home, maybe stayed at a friend's to avoid disturbing the household .....

No, but most people would realise it was an automatic response and not then seek to blame their H for it, for not texting you even though he would have no expectation a text would reach her as she typically leaves her phone downstairs. And then start a thread about it. Those are the bits that makes her U.

lol! I started peri when my youngest was 3!

Yeah fair enough. She's unreasonable for blaming her husband and taking to a forum. That's an argument I can get behind. The phone thing isn't his fault. What was he supposed to do? Whispering through the letterbox isn't an option lolol. I stand corrected.

Have no idea why people are being so awful towards you OP! I'd have jumped a mile too and worried who it was. Totally normal reaction!

Serial killers don’t ring the bell. Get a ring if the doorbell ringing triggers you.

Yes

Maybe the serial killer had taken his phone and was pretending to be him!….😱
How very Point Horror!

That would have been a mn thread with an instant LTB!! How dare he not come home!!

Yes I would be fine with this. He forgot his keys, it's annoying but you said yourself it's not a regular occurrence so presumably he did just forget and we're all capable of forgetting from time to time so whilst I would be irritated it's not that big a deal. You also said that he didn't text because you usually leave your phone downstairs at night. So what did you expect him to do? Sleep on the doorstep? Granted he could have tried texting you first and then only ringing the doorbell if he didn't get a response, but perhaps his nervous system took over and he thought shit I can't get it and it's freezing outside so I'll just ring the bell and get inside asap. He probably just wasn't thinking rationally.

Would a key safe be an option? Save this happening again...

The fact he was out and due home should have given you a clue…. Perhaps lay off the thrillers on tv

@Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself I get you OP: you didn’t know your DH didn’t have his key so you didn’t expect him to ring the doorbell. So to your mind, it is someone else ringing the doorbell after 11 pm at night and that is alarming (to me that would at least suggest some kind of emergency - like when our lovely neighbour rang our bell late at night because she had a dangerous gas leak in her house). I agree that he ought really to have texted you. We do that in our family if one of us realises we’re out without a key.

Yes.

Ding Dong!

Is that Avon calling?

No, it's me, Mr Serial Killer. We always ring the doorbell.

If you're this anxious OP, maybe get a Ring doorbell (other brands are available).

Sometimes those helicopters are air ambulances. I remind myself of that once I’ve checked the back door is locked.😉

Honestly, you need to grow the fuck up.
It's not like he was making creepy noises. He just rang the bell and you should have worked out it was him.