To be annoyed at ringing the bell at 11.20pm

[Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself]

DH forgot his keys (I had no idea). Rang the bell, twice. I freaked out hearing it, he was due home 11, shouted "who is it?" And got no answer (apparently he couldn't hear). My nervous system thought it was either police or a serial killer. Now instead of feeling nice and sleepy my heart rate is through the roof and I feel wired. Luckily DC slept through the fairly loud noise. AIBU to think he should have tried calling or texting me instead of just ringing the bell?

If he’d texted you would not have woken up. You’re being so dramatic

Drama over absolutely nothing

I'd have jumped a mile too and worried who it was.

When your husband was out and had been due home 20 minutes earlier....? You really couldn't have put two and two together and figured out who it was...?

😐

I’m not sure what you wanted Mumsnet to say about it? What advice do you need?

I went out without my keys. I was due back about midnight. I texted him as soon as I realised so we could arrange how I'd get back in.

Some women just hate men no matter what.

He didn’t think you’d have your phone? If you usually leave it downstairs what’s the point in calling or messaging you? Why not use the doorbell who’s function is to get someone to open the door 🤷🏻‍♀️

If he thought you'd left your phone downstairs, you wouldn't have picked up the message. You were expecting him back anyway, it doesn't seem like the end of the world. It made you jump but you'll live, I promise!
I once got home with my 11 year old daughter & couldn't get in. My twat of an ExH just wouldn't wake up even though I fairly hammered on the door. Had to go round the back, pick out the putty & climb through the window. Found daughter asleep on doorstep. I made a noise like the last trump of doom but no one - NO ONE heard a thing. And I had to replace the bloody glass the next day. Being locked out is no fun late at night. In the olden days, we didn't have mobiles.

Why text when he’s right outside the door? He didn’t know she was in bed 🤷🏼‍♀️

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 don't be so silly

It’s a good thing he wasn’t having a heart attack on the doorstep which 'could' have been why he would have rang twice. You were expecting him at 11 and it was only 20 minutes later, why the panic?

Might be a good idea to get a Ring doorbell to ease your mind a bit.

Twice isn't 'repeatedly'.

People are so patronising about the doorbell thing but I would be afraid, even momentarily.

I had twice (in 2 weeks) two weird men turn up at my door asking to charge a phone in the middle of the night, when we were asleep. The second was quite pushy too.

Yes, op’s rational brain knows it’s her husband but it takes a whirl to adjust and realise that! He could have been more courteous as people are likely to be sleeping at 11:30.

Yes. But not a Thursday, obviously.

Well surely that's the answer - he assumed your phone was downstairs, as it often is, so rang the bell.

You’re making a drama out of a crisis - keep your GP appointment and go down a probable meds route or (and this is my preferred option) give yourself a good talking to and stop being daft. You have options about how to react to things. We all have wobbles but it’s how we deal with them. Don’t overthink stuff.

The world is on the brink of WWIII and yet some people are getting the hump because their husband has the audacity of knocking the door instead of calling. Mental.

We deserve to be nuked.

Yes. Totally fine. I now live alone and am quite capable of managing my front door at night, including any unexpected door-ringers.
I have a doorbell video, but if this happened to me & I was in bed I'd bang on my bedroom window and yell: "What Do You Want?!".
Tho', actually, in my case, it would be a bit weird if my DH rang the bell at 11.20pm on a Wednesday night, as he's been dead for 15years.
I think you're more than a bit hyper, OP, and - possibly - spoiling for a fight with your DH. For reasons which are unclear to us pps.
Twenty minutes late is nothing. Ringing the doorbell instead of texting you is perfectly understandable, given the context you yourself outline.
Why are you picking a fight in which you are the Victim and your DH is the Perpetrator? I guess we'll never know.

This is such a non event. He ra g the doorbell. Dc didn't wake so clearly there was no need for him to text rather than ring the bell....and presumably he didn't notice he didn't have his keys till he tried to unlock the door. It's a doorbell, that's what it's for.

He did nothing wrong. This is your anxiety talking. You had a stress reaction to something that wasn't stressful. Obviously you are seeking medical help but in the moment when your nervous system has gone haywire and basically released a load of adrenaline the best thing to do to get rid of it is use it. Do some jumping Jack's or run up and down the stairs a few times. Get rid of the flight or flight chemicals and then you will feel fine again.

To wake you up probably. YABVVU and over the top. He possibly didn’t ring in case you didn’t have your phone with you.
A very odd post.

Someone upthread has actually used the phrase "fight or flight response" to a doorbell making someone jump FFS

Put a key safe somewhere NY your front door. Both DH and I occasionally forget our keys, just open key safe, open door put key back in key safe.