The final straw…

[inthecornersofmymind]

My husband and I have not been getting on as well as we should be, although we don’t argue or bicker.

This relationship is taking a toll on me, and I just can't handle it anymore.

This morning, our 10-year-old eldest son felt very excited about returning to school.

I had a phone call late morning, where they asked me to pick him up as he was not feeling well. As soon as we got into the car, he mentioned he wasn't feeling unwell. He apologised and explained that he lied because he knew I was upset, and he just wanted to return home to be with me.

I am good at masking my emotions around the children, but they claim that children can sense things.

At just 10 years old, he shouldn't have to think about me while at school; in fact, he should be free of any worries.

When we got back home, I phoned my husband, only for him to claim that this issue is something I've caused myself and that he is 'not trying to hear it.'

He displayed no concern whatsoever for our son being upset at school.

I am struggling to cope with this.

Recently, I have encouraged us to go to therapy because I am convinced it will help us work through our difficulties. He lacks any interest but tells me I should have it for my benefit.

When we got back home, I phoned my husband, only for him to claim that this issue is something I've caused myself and that he is 'not trying to hear it.'

Not the most involved father is he!

Oh come on OP, this poster is completely correct. You can't have your DH listening in to a therapy session, especially when he's the main reason you're there. That would be absolutely bonkers and no therapist would allow it.

He's dismissive of your feelings and thinks you're just being a silly, emotional woman. Not sure why you're suddenly defending him...

I’ll listen to you and attend the therapy session by myself.

Good idea

Although sadly I suspect your husband will be overjoyed he’s dodged this.

Are you an independent equal in the marriage? Do you have a career / job and friends you can be honest and open with? If not try to build these things into your life slowly and you will feel more secure and empowered. It's going to be important for your son that you are a strong role model for him so that he will understand how to be independent and how to cope with adversity. It's great that you are seeking support through therapy if you can go solo after the first session I think you will start to feel stronger and less dependant. Your husband may be more respectful if he sees you as an equal rather than a dependent.

I do not depend on my husband for financial support, nor have I ever, and I won't in the future.

I am a stay-at-home mother and have no intention of returning to work. While I have a lot of friends, I choose not to discuss my marriage with them.

OP it is time to accept that your relationship has run its course.

Your husband is showing you he has no interest in being supportive of you and he does not care if your son is upset.

Remove that waste of space from your life and you and your son will be much happier.

Together with our three sons, I cannot imagine being happier without him. My love for my husband is strong, and I have no desire to leave him.

If he had shown both physical and mental abuse, poor hygiene, and infidelity, I would have walked away a long time ago.

I don't see why you believe I would listen to and accept advice about ending things with him. I didn't come here for that.

I appreciate your concern though.

He doesn’t sound happy though
and because he’s not happy, he’s not caring, which is what you’re craving.
So really… this is just going to limp on and your younger sons will pick up on your unhappiness as your eldest did.

Are you going to apologise to @Rhaidimiddim for being so rude @inthecornersofmymind ?

I thought you meant your husband would accompany you to and from the session, a bit of moral support, which is useful if you find a session draining and would be happier not having to concentrate on driving home. I didn't realise you meant actually being in the room. That is definitely inappropriate.

If my husband were unhappy, he would certainly tell me.

I have to say, this has all become a little strange.

You sounded (and indeed on your other thread allude to being) very unhappy. But now… absolutely determined to try to convince us that all hunky dory.

Maybe go back and read your own Op.

Indeed the thread title is “final straw”!

Bearing in mind OP is a SAHM with an avowed intention never to return to work @YourPoliteLeader I suspect she’s decided to put up and shut up 🤷🏻‍♀️

But says not remotely dependent on him.

So must have family money

The importance of a veneer of respectability? Who knows. But the thread has done a 180 since the start…

As does the other thread.
Her husband never takes the kids out at the weekends, ever.

All in all, it sounds very messed up.
The OP gets glimmers of that, hence starting the thread, but then back tracks when the consensus is - sweet Jesus this is not a happy home.

It’s not all perfect, so I could never persuade anyone; I would just be lying to myself.

Yes, I am a stay-at-home mother with no intention of going back to work, and once again, I do not rely on my husband for financial support; I would never have had three children if that were the case.

Just did an AS and read the other thread. Bonkers. Thanks for the heads up @YourPoliteLeader - I’m out!

Thank you.

I have no intention of apologising; it's really that simple.

This sounds like a very unhappy home.

I hope therapy goes well for you @inthecornersofmymind

Thanks, I'm hoping for the best too.

I wouldn't describe it as an unhappy home; our kids are happy, and that's what matters most.

I plan to arrange therapy for our 4-year-old as I think it will benefit him. I aim to correct his behavior before he begins school in September.

I had my first therapy session today, and I came away feeling good and hopeful.

Just before heading out, I told my husband he didn’t need to accompany me into the session since I'd feel more comfortable going in alone.

He claimed that every time he attempts to support me, I push him away, and that I am on my own from this point forward. During the drive there, he ignored me, failed to pick me up after my session, and chose not to respond to my calls.

He has been totally distant with me tonight, and I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong.