The final straw…

[inthecornersofmymind]

My husband and I have not been getting on as well as we should be, although we don’t argue or bicker.

This relationship is taking a toll on me, and I just can't handle it anymore.

This morning, our 10-year-old eldest son felt very excited about returning to school.

I had a phone call late morning, where they asked me to pick him up as he was not feeling well. As soon as we got into the car, he mentioned he wasn't feeling unwell. He apologised and explained that he lied because he knew I was upset, and he just wanted to return home to be with me.

I am good at masking my emotions around the children, but they claim that children can sense things.

At just 10 years old, he shouldn't have to think about me while at school; in fact, he should be free of any worries.

When we got back home, I phoned my husband, only for him to claim that this issue is something I've caused myself and that he is 'not trying to hear it.'

He displayed no concern whatsoever for our son being upset at school.

I am struggling to cope with this.

Recently, I have encouraged us to go to therapy because I am convinced it will help us work through our difficulties. He lacks any interest but tells me I should have it for my benefit.

I would get therapy for myself whilst making plans to leave a relationship that has come to an end.

How have things been since the chat? Are you going to go to therapy and he attend with you?

Don’t know what to say about your relationship but you’ve obviously done a great job with your son, what a lovely sweet boy. He’ll make someone a wonderful husband one day.

That is a rubbish idea IMHO.

To start with, it implies you're the one with the problem. And that he'll support you while you fix yourself.

Meanwhile he gets to feel good about himself for " helping you" and gets to tell everyone how good he's being in this respect. While also throwing shade on you.

And you have him sat there while you're trying to work thing out with the therapist - him doing none of the work, and inhibiting you in what you say and how you say it.

Would a decent therapist even permit this?

OP - kindly why are you staying in this relationship? You are not happy, your husband clearly doesn’t think anything is enough of a problem (for him) to make any changes,
discuss things or go to therapy. You want changes. Your husband does not - you can’t force anyone to change if they don’t want too, regardless of whether their current behaviour isn’t supportive / kind / whatever you want it to be.

If this has been going on a while and your husband won’t engage then as a couple you don’t seem compatible anymore and that’s ok, not everything can be “fixed”. Therapy may give you some “coping” strategies but if things are so bad your son is aware you are unlikely to be significantly happier just from therapy alone, you just have more tools to frame your feelings and cope with them.

Sorry wrong thread

Thank you, you’re so sweet.

Our son is really one of a kind.

Excuse me?

Can you tell me how you know and where you met my husband? That’s right you don’t!

This has nothing to do with him feeling good about himself; he stated that he would join me for support, and that's all there is to it.

He'll say hello but won't engage further unless invited.

In the future, I believe you should consider your words before typing, as you come across as quite …..

At no point did I say that I am unhappy in my relationship.

Yes, that's right; he believes there is nothing wrong with our relationship. I just want more emotional support from him.

Hello!

I apologise for missing your post. I will be attending my first session on Thursday. I'm quite anxious, fearing that it may turn out to be a waste of time.

That poster was supporting you and you have got very cross and jumped on her.

You have to give it more than one session.

And your husband definitely coming with? Does the therapist know that he intends to sit in the background just listening?

Please don't take your husband to therapy. There is no benefit to him coming and it could prevent you from saying things you might not want him to hear.

In the future, I believe you should consider your words before typing, as you come across as quite …..
Look in the mirror OP. You have come across as very prickly and closed to everything even though people are trying to help.

Agree with pp, the gap between your two sentences is absolutely massive and in reality only a damn good therapist can unravel.
This relationship is taking a toll on me, and I just can't handle it anymore.
At no point did I say that I am unhappy in my relationship.

I am very surprised the therapist is willing to go ahead with this, and I suspect that the white first session will be about why he’s there

I wrote my post in the moment, and I was undoubtedly very upset.

As we move forward, I would describe this week as a pretty good one in spite of what happened. I am going back to therapy specifically to address and improve certain matters.

Well, he has said that he will come and support me. I'll feel quite frustrated if he doesn't keep his word.

However, if he claims he will do something, he typically follows through with it. Also, the therapist is unaware that he will be accompanying me for support.

@inthecornersofmymind There’s absolutely no need to be rude to @Rhaidimiddim - their post is actually quite supportive (and insightful) so you really shouldn’t be so snarky in return. There’s no point asking for advice if you bite the head off people for taking a view you find unpalatable.

You need to update the therapist.

Very likely she will not be happy with him just as a silence presence listening in

How has your son been recently?

I think it is strange to take someone in to therapy that they aren't involved with. I think it will inhibit the exploration process.

My son would have picked up on this at the same as well, very emotionally in tune with people and kids just know !

OP several people have pointed out that it is not ideal to have a 3rd person sitting in on one-to-one therapy.

In agreeing to come along to your individual therapy whilst refusing to attend couples therapy, it is possible that your husband is trying to support you.

But it could also be that he considers the problem to be YOU and that he wants the therapist to fix YOU. It sounds defensive and I think that is what people are picking up on here.

My point is that your husband's position requires further examination.

He appears to be saying "There's nothing wrong with me - it's her"

He is doing very well, thank you for your concern.