‘sober curious’, have a day off…

[ThatsVertigo]

I’ve just seen an acquaintance post an instagram story labelling themselves as ‘sober curious’ and encouraging people to ask them questions and others to reassess their relationship with alcohol. I’m all for them making changes that make them happier and healthier, but the positioning of the whole thing just made me roll my eyes, not everything needs a label. And if you need to label yourself as ‘sober curious’ in order to cut back then maybe you’re avoiding a more accurate label ‘alcoholic’.

Excellent

Got a friend who has made being sober curious her entire personality - so much so that she does videos for Instagram and everytime I hear her say it (she has a distinctive accent) it sets my teeth on edge...

Thought I was being mean but glad it isn't just me!

I agree but I don't think it's any worse than doing dry January. To me it's the same sort of navel gazing. If you feel you drink too much, cut down or give up.

Someone who's trying to be sober, just like bi-curious is someone who would like to be bisexual (or, in some cases, would like to be gay but can't commit yet).

Does it also have raging alcoholic as an option?

It’s a clue that society is slowly changing for the better and hopefully lots of our kids and grandkids are waking up to how much better life is without alcohol. I think it relates to the fact that society has told us for so long that alcohol = good time, happiness, fun. They are curious of the alternative. They wonder if it’s better, and believe it probably is, but are being pulled back in by the ‘oh go on just have one’, ‘but it’s Christmas!’ , ‘don’t be boring’, ‘yolo’ brigade.

these comments have made me feel validated that my instant reaction was to roll my eyes. It's not the idea of cutting back, it's the performative nature of announcing it with a nonsense label.

YANBU. I have an acquaintance who is always posting ‘three years sober’ etc as though she was an alcoholic who has genuinely overcome addiction to get where she is.

In reality she just quit the odd glass of wine she used to enjoy.

No one cares whether she drinks or not and all these ‘3 years sober’ posts make a mockery of people who have really struggled with alcohol.

Oh piss off 🤣🤣

Christ, people really will say anything for attention. Drink or don’t drink. No one gives a shit.

You don’t have to announce either of those things though. No one else cares.

I was curious about being sober so I tried it. My god it was horrendous. Reality is awful. I've gone back to gin on my cornflakes

Couldn't put it better myself.

I was being sarcastic. Of course no one cares.

Sounds like it’s touched a nerve for you.

Sounds to me like “sober curious” is what you quietly call yourself in your head while you’re deciding whether your problem with alcohol is serious enough to have to quit completely.

I agree. My niece is an influencer. She’ll often mention on her TikTok that she’s ’sober curious’. Utter wank. She’s 23. Go out and get shit-faced fgs.

Are you sure you know the extent of her drinking?

I probably appeared to others like I just liked a G&T and a cocktail, maybe had a few too many sometimes like we all do. In reality I was mixing vodka into my fruit smoothies and had a reusable coffee cup filled with neat rum.

I’m not offended by anyone who quits booze and tells people. Again, it normalises not drinking which makes it easier for me to not drink without it being a big deal.

@SusanChurchouseno offence but I 100% knew I was going to get that reply.

Trust me, she’s a massive attention seeker like all the ‘sober curious’ gang.

I’m genuinely sorry you’ve struggled and well done to you for getting it under control. Most people know it’s really hard to overcome addiction. That isn’t what’s happened here though. It’s people like you she’s making a mockery of.

If you’ve worked to achieve something then you deserve to celebrate that. That isn’t what’s happened here though.

I’m not part of the ‘sober curious gang’. But it’s quite telling it offends/ annoys people so much. And I don’t think it makes a mockery of ‘people like you’ or ‘real’ people with addiction. Firstly, look around and you will see very normal people who look like they have it all who are struggling with alcohol. If you have a ‘real’ problem it will only help you - it normalises WANTING to not drink and the belief that not drinking is good/ impressive/ laudable. Thats the point. You might think those people are attention seeking, but I think that’s a separate point. Most people are attention seeking in some way, even posting on here to make our point/ be ‘right’ is a form of attention seeking and personal validation. But I don’t ever think changing the cultural narrative about drinking is going to be a bad thing. Drinking nearly destroyed my life, and my partner, and on the outside no one would have a clue. Addiction doesn’t always look like you think it does.

I understand the label.

What they mean is 'I don't have a drinking problem, I just want to try a life without drinking alcohol'.

Many younger people just live a life without alcohol, it is normal. For older people, drinking alcohol was the social norm and if you say you don't drink, people assume it's because you had a drink problem.

Whether things need to be announced on SM is a wider question, but this particular label makes sense and sounds positive for that person.

And they are right - the OP has given it headspace, and started a thread, and you've commented and so have others including me.

It sounds like you have an alcohol problem and wonder what it is like to not be drunk all the time.

Why would you be curious about being sober if you didn't drink an awful lot?

Because you are rejecting the (increasingly outdated) social norms around drinking.

Sober curious?? I’ve heard it all!