To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

As a mother of a 4 year old I’m the same and do agree with you. But I also see how my evenings are world’s apart from my friend with 3 children aged 4, 8, and 11. She has triple the work and her older two go to various clubs and have homework, whereas I just pop mine in bed at 7:30 and relax.

However, spending hours upon hours hoovering and emptying dishwashers is bonkers no matter how many kids you have. These chores just don’t take that long.

That's true - I didn't do a great job of reading the OP!

I think I'm a bit sensitive on this topic because my DH and DC are forever getting at me for my "high standards."

Most people don’t finish work at 4 or 5pm 🤷🏻‍♀️

I rarely get home until gone 7:30pm or later. I have to do all the things you do but starting later, is it that hard to understand?

I'm the same OP. We often don't have dinner till 7 due to kids activities/work. By the time they've finished faffing, got them up to bed and read to them and got them to sleep it's often after 9. We both do bedtime as we have three children so two need reading to. I then lay with the eldest and read to him as he still likes a story even though he can read to himself and I like that time with him.
I'm often not down till 9.30/10. The bags need sorting, the washing up/kitchen is a mess. General mess everywhere. We rarely sit down together until 10.30. we do stay up till midnight but then I'm tired in the morning. I tend to sacrifice sleep for some down time late in the evening.

I get you, I have fairly high house standards too… if the house is a mess I feel stressed and miserable. I’d rather not feel that way, it’s just the way I was built. I’m sure life would be much easier if I had lower standards!
The OP is definitely wasting time somewhere though. I have 3 children with lots of hobbies. work over double the hours the OP does and still manage to have a couple of hours in the evening to chill before bed!

Absolutely 😂

I suggest you stop cleaning every day. No house needs vacuuming or mopping every day. Stop having desert every day. Eat dinner earlier. Buy more dishwasher safe stuff so it can all go in. Soak pans and stick them in the dishwasher too or only wash them. Open the dishwasher as soon as it’s done and remove or shake out the wet stuff while it’s still hot, then the rest will be dry in a few minutes and ready to put away easily.

1 person does bedtime, one person does kitchen, kids do their own lunch. Laundry on timer overnight then hung in the morning. Tidy kitchen/wash up as you go when making dinner! Someone might need to take the dog out for a bit but other than that once our younger ones are in bed about 9ish we’re pretty free. Oldest is left to their own devices and likes to read/potter in their room. We might watch a bit of tv with kids after dinner/before bed, and kids do clubs but now they are getting older they can walk to some stuff. Also utilise lift shares!

I was going to, but something tells me you’re not prepared to listen. Call it a hunch.

When I was working full time as a single mum I used the Organised Mum method. Found it really helped, kept me focused but also meant I had weekends free and it's very focused on not spending too long on stuff but also keeping on top of things so you don't h e to think too much x

I totally get what you mean OP. Our kids are 9 and 4. I put 4yr old to bed and he’s usually asleep before 8pm. That then gives me time to feed/walk pets and then start prepping for the following day’s work before having a shower and going to bed. 9 yr old is ND and takes a long time to fall asleep so my DH is usually with him until about 9:00/9:30. He’s usually worn out after that and has a shower and goes to bed!! We haven’t had an evening in front of the TV since the eldest was a baby!!

I batch cook cottage pie, lasagne, chilli, chicken thighs in various sauces, sausage casserole, and curry. I serve this with baked potatoes, pasta rice etc. plus veg. I think I would stop cooking from scratch in the week, cook easier/frozen meals and only use things that can go in the dishwasher. Also what is wrong with a baked potato and beans, sausages if needed.

I clean up in the day, get the kids to bed and asleep and then I spend the evening playing a game with my partner, im usually asleep 10/11pm.

That isn't loads of sleep. For you maybe.

You must faff, it would take me a lot less time to do what you have said. I vacuumed downstairs, emptied and filled the dishwasher, washed and hung up a load of laundry and gave the bathroom a quick clean in about an hour.

Maybe outsource and get a cleaner? Meal planning and batch cooking will help. We eat meals from scratch, rarely on the same day after work.

Tbh I am sick of my regular meals and am looking to expand this beyond pasta sauce, cottage pie, curry, stew, braised steak. If we have mashed potatoes, we do the whole bag and have it twice that week. Also tray bakes are time savers. You can prepare one for the next day making dinner for that night.

Average adult needs 7-8 hours per the NHS and that's 7.5. it's a hell of a lot more than I got when I had a baby/toddler.

What time do you go to bed?

If you wfh and don't start until 9am you could roll out of bed at 08:30. So in theory you could stay up till 1am and still get 7.5 hours sleep. And of course all your laundry gets done in the day (along with gym/shopping/housework for some!).

Well most people still like to eat breakfast/shower etc in the mornings before starting work!

Not when you’re a crap sleeper and wake up all the time.

So I get in at 4 with one of the kids. Other comes in at 4:45. Dinner on the table at 5. They sit and eat, I don’t eat at 5. Done by 5:30. Little one has a bath and then does homework, older one does homework till 6:30. In that hour I tidy up the kitchen, load/unload the dishwasher, put away laundry and have uniform out for the next day.
6:30-7 is music practice for the 9 year old. 14 year old has a shower.
Then 7-7:30 is reading time for the 9 year old and lights out. He’s asleep by 8 latest.
If any jobs are left one of us can do it then.
Older one then has 2 hours (7-9) to do his music practice, homework, have some reading time. In his room for 9, lights out 9:30.
From 9 pm onwards everyone is asleep, all jobs done.

We don’t all eat together every day. We leave that for Friday dinner and the weekends. Chores don’t take that long. We run a load of laundry every evening, dry it out in the morning before going to work. Put it away at night. Run another load.

I also batch cook food on weekends etc. Always have a pasta sauce/tomato sauce in the freezer.

Oh I know that pain, I’m a lifelong insomniac and also have an autistic child who sleeps 3-4 hours a night and I have to be in the room with him as he’s not safe on his own.
Sadly still have to get up at 6.30am though!

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on.

This shouldn't take 1.5hrs!

Unloading dishwasher shouldn't be more than 5 mins. Putting on a wash is literally a few mins. Surely it doesn't take well over an hour to wash some baking trays etc, especially if some stuff is going in dishwasher?

OP we had four children, and we shared the housework.

He always did all the floors and I did all the washing.

I did most of the cooking and he did all of the washing up - by hand. We didn't have a dishwasher.

The younger children including the baby were in bed by 6.45pm.

The older two went to bed between 8pm - 8.30pm.

Once the two younger ones were in bed (I bathed them at 6pm then they had stories and the baby had a breastfeed) DH and I sat down with the other two while they did their homework. Then we watched a bit of telly, then they went up to bed.

I did at least one load of washing every day but it was always finished before the school run.

Last thing at night, DH did the bins and I put the washing up away.
Then we made the lunches for the morning, then we went to bed.

At the weekends we caught up with the cleaning.

I don't understand why you seem to have so little time to relax.

I don't do any of that. Chuck it all in raw lid on and off out the door until I get home to dish up.