To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

No I agree, I definitely have never force fed mine!
ETA by ‘it’s all they were ever offered’ I don’t mean that they’re given food they don’t like and are expected to eat it. I meant they do like it, because they’ve basically eaten the same way since weaning. I don’t feed them anything they don’t like (DD2 can’t stand prawns, for example).

Yes that was my thought too. Why would emptying the dishwasher and sorting a wash take an hour and a half, rather than 10 minutes ?

We rehash a lot of the same things but do have plenty on rotation! We make loads of chillis, both beef and turkey ones, we have a fab chicken soup/stew using loads of veg / coconut milk on constant rotation at the moment too. We use a LOT of the slow cooker recipes ‘Bored of Lunch’ posts on his Instagram. I’ll batch cook a nice bolognese so we just need to do the pasta on the night. Get a veg chopper cheap on Amazon to help with the leg work!

Yeah agree with PP’s. We have a 1 and 4 year old and when they’re in bed, we might do the odd thing but generally that’s our time.

We finish work between 1630/1700 and one of us goes home & cooks dinner, the other will go & collect them from nursery. Whoever cooks tries to clean up as they go. We eat dinner together & then while the kids have a bit of play time or a yoghurt or something, one of us runs the bath/packs the bags for the next day while the other is with them or finishing the cleaning up. Bath them, put one down each and then at 1930 we are free for a cuppa and to watch something together. We might sometimes fold a load of washing or put a wash on after they’re in bed but generally by 8pm we are free.

I couldn’t cope with your schedule as I like to be in bed by 10pm, 1030 latest 😆 are you both working as a team to get stuff done efficiently? Do your kids chip in?

I always had an evening. I’d do your evening jobs at other times, so washing/packed
lunches done while making tea, kitchen cleaned and dishwasher loaded and on as soon as we had finished eating. Washing taken out and into the tumbler dryer. Dishwasher unloaded, laundry out of tumbler and folded while kids had breakfast. We would always be sat down by about 7.30pm. I did only work part time though, I could well imagine it’s more of a struggle if your all out all day

I don’t have a real fire but I’m assuming you don’t sweep it out every day or hoover and wipe the floor every day. So you could start making dinner about 4.30/5pm and eat at say 5.30.
Im not sure how washing up and the dishwasher plus putting something in the washing machine took 1.5 hours later though.

It sounds like you are doing jobs in an extremely long period of time which could be done in 5/10 mins or jobs that won’t need doing everyday?

Next time we do the kitchen I’m having 2 dishwashers installed as ours is always on and then a load on top waiting to go in again. Could feel more on top of kitchen with 2

We wash up/load the dishwasher immediately after dinner, and put it on before bed. We also put a load of laundry in just before bed. The evening in between this is ours - sometimes used helping son with his coursework or whatever, sometimes I have to work, but mostly for watching TV or reading. I go to bed at 11pm.

I get up between 6.30am and 7.00am and empty the dishwasher, clear the grate and re-lay the fire, put washing out to dry, feed the animals, sort packed lunches and do half an hour of pilates. My husband does all the cooking and food shopping. We both clean - he does downstairs, I do upstairs, takes 2 hours a week. We religiously put things away as we go along during the week so that never feels like a job.

What bits are you doing, that we're not? I suppose my son is older and needs less support in the mornings.

Oh wow. I’m a solo dad of three (now 7, 6, and 4) and honestly, evenings used to feel like a never-ending hamster wheel of chores, chaos, and zero downtime.
What helped me was breaking the routine into tiny, 10-minute “micro-wins” (like prepping lunches right after dinner, or doing a 5-min family reset before bath/bed). It’s not magic, but it’s made evenings a bit less relentless.
If you (or anyone else here) ever want to swap ideas or see what’s worked for us, happy to DM. Solidarity to everyone in the trenches—some nights just surviving is a win.

Because that would get in the way if the 90 minutes she apparently has to spend hoovering

I cannot imagine a world in which I would start hoovering and sweeping out a fireplace the minute I got in from work, with kids in tow. Early dinner would be my priority on getting through the door. Save a plate for husband to warm up for himself when he gets in later. I also wouldn't make my kids tidy their rooms as soon as they got home from school - that would take place after dinner once they'd had time to decompress and calm down after being at school all day. If everyone eats earlier, things run smoother I find.

OP can’t things like sweeping out the fireplace and hoovering the house be done on your 3 non working days?

You can likely put most of that on the top rack or short/mild cycle. I don’t wash up anything unless it’s horrendous. All trays go in the dishwasher and painted plates etc

But even so surely you aren’t using all of that stuff every day?
But let’s say you are washing some bits up. 10 min job.
2/3 mins to un stack dishwasher and another 5 to refill. Which someone else can do at same time you are washing up tbh
Then grab washing and shove in the machine another 2 min job.

That would be maybe max 20 mins to get that done. There is no way that can take 90 mins You could have watched a whole film in that time 🤣

I only properly cook on one, maybe two nights in the week - Thursday when we have some sort of pasta, and sometimes Monday. Wednesday is beans on toast, Friday is leftovers from Thursday, other days I defrost something I’ve batch cooked at a weekend. I freeze pastas, cottage pie, lentil bake, macaroni cheese, curry with rice all in little kid size portions, ready in 4 mins in microwave.
I also don’t clean in the week. Dishwasher gets run on a quick cycle while I put kids to bed and then emptied straight away that evening so it’s all ready for breakfast things etc. in morning. Lower your standards!

Why aren't your kids helping with all these chores? You should be doing them as a family.

Never been more happy to live in a house with no fireplace/stove! One less job, I did it for years and it was just my ultimate pet hate.

We always have washing up as well as dishwasher stuff after the evening meal, but it doesn't take 1.5 hours to wash the pans, load the dishwasher and bung a load of washing in the machine. What you do after dinner is exactly what we do. It takes about 20 minutes - admittedly that's both of us doing it. My husband washes pots that need washing by hand. I load the dishwasher, unset the table and wipe the kitchen surfaces down. I would be able to do it much faster if the dishwasher wasn't next to the sink my husband is using. Whoever's finished first runs up and gets a load of washing. I feed the cats, husband feeds the dogs - done.

You hoover, sweep out the fireplace and wash the floor every single day??

My kids have chores but personally on weekday evenings I’d rather mine concentrate on homework/spellings/reading/music practice/hobbies etc.

What stands out to me is that you get home a couple of hours before your husband but then have to wait for him to cook dinner. I think your family evening meal is late and long for most primary age children. It means that all those hours before dinner are basically your “evening” and yesterday you spent it hoovering.

I have a friend whose husband Likes To Cook and insists on mealtimes all being together as a family no matter what. That doesn’t work for a lot of families with school aged children and two working parents. Some days you just have to feed the kids first. Or at the very least in your position I would cook so it’s ready when your husband gets home.

I think most people wouldn’t fill the early evening on a school night with tidying bedrooms and whole house hoovering. More usual is homework, dinner, kids play or relax with tv etc before bedtime. You can do washing and so on in the background during this time. Then once kids are in bed it’s mostly a free evening.

Can’t you all eat together? Cooking twice would be such a pain. You must be starving by 9!

Some people are gluttons for punishment.

Due apologies OP but 90m seems a huge time to have a quick hoover round, wash the kitchen floor and sort the fire. 40mins? If you're doing a major clean it's different obviously.

We get an evening from 7.30pm till 10pm although it goes in a blink of an eye!

We are a ND family so children do need more focused attention/routine. I have a slow eater and I do priotise spending one on one time with each of my 3 children every evening.
The first thing we focus on is dinner for the kids. Easy simple meals. The kids and me are in early 3.30 pm so this does help but also early bedtimes so still have to stick to a good speedy routine. We have a very open plan house so we can still all chat and keep an eye on them whilst they eat. This means I can cook/ tidy up/wash up as I go.
We don't do any washing or hoovering in the week. All at the weekend.
Once they are finished eating we spend some time playing or a bath. My husband is in around 5pm then we either eat a quick dinner then beans on toast/soup or start bedtime routine for the youngest two at 5/ 5.30pm. Each take one child. Bedtime can take a while and my 8 year old needs a good 20 minutes of processing the day chat whilst he is in bed or sensory swing.

Whilst we are doing bedtime my eldest (11) will be downstairs unloading/reloading the dishwasher and making his lunch whilst he listens to music or chats to a friend. If my husband and I haven't eaten a dinner earlier then we will have one whilst chatting to my eldest. He has learnt to be super efficient then he also gets more evening/1on1 time with a parent. At the weekend my 8 year old also does some of these chores together. School nights he needs early bedtimes. At the weekend and school holidays we all will eat together. To keep routine and speed we sacrifice that during the week but we are all still spending time together.
They are all up from 5am So plenty of Time then to complete any chores/makes lunches for the younger two.

We then do a quick tidy up all three of us For about 10 minutes. Then one of us spends one on one time with the oldest whilst the other one walks the dogs. All done for around 7.30pm so our evening can start. Eldest does his teeth then and we say goodnight/kisses cuddles,then he does drawing lego puzzles on his own till his bedtime at 8/8.30pm

When I was working shifts I wouldn't be in till 7pm so my husband would do most of the routine and I'd do the same when he worked late evenings but My children hated the chop and changing. My middle one could not cope and started school refusing. We have really prioritised keeping a rigid routine now it's the only way life works for us.

So figure out what works for your family op. Definitely prioritise getting a evening and time spent with the children. Think about downgrading cooking and cleaning to the bare minimal or how you can bosh it out in less time consuming ways. Lots of great tips already been mentioned by pp.

18 month old and 4.5 year old here!

Home at 5.30/6 - eat at 6.30, one of us gives the baby a quick bath while the other gets the 4 year old into pjs, teeth washed etc!

Then the 4 year old plays for a bit while the other parent does a quick blast of dishwasher filling/unloading, wipes counters and puts things away while the other parent putting baby to bed!

baby asleep by 7.30

then 4 year old gets a book and into bed by 7,45 with her tonies box

probably have a load of laundry to hang and then we can both sit down before 8 and we usually fold the clean dry laundry while watching the tv!

Some nights i chose to batch cook something maybe instead so that helps make the future evenings better - but this is like once a week maybe that id lose an evening!