Decision taken from me about dangerous driving

[Iwishicouldflyhigh]

I know how I feel, so I know that’s not unreasonable, but interested in other views.

DD2 was invited to a party and me and a friend agreed to lift share (we take, they bring back).

on the morning she messaged to say party girl’s friend offered to bring them from venue to their house so easier fir friend to pick up from there. No problem.

that night dd2 told me they were 4 in back of ca with only 3 seats. I’m really against this and dd2 knows that so she said she had to have a seatbelt and then 2 shared another seatbelt.

im so angry that this decision was made without checking with me, id never agree to it and would have gone to get her.

there is a reason its illegal.

i suppose I would just never do it and can’t understand how others think it’s ok.

dd2 is 12, no phone and was in a hard position.

in hindsight, I should have checked that there were enough seats (especially as I know my friend has form for doing the same), but it was a last minute change and I didn’t realise that I should even check (I assume people follow the law). Lesson learnt.

how do others feel? Am I particularly uptight (not that I would change my stance).

Thank you.

If it’s upsetting, I suggest you move away from the thread and certainly don’t use laughing emojis when replying, that doesn’t indicate upset, so again you’ve come across not as you intended. A laughing emoji indicates to me, that you think it’s funny, but of course that’s not what you meant, I’m sure.

It’s very hard not to ruminate on ‘what ifs’ but all you can do now is think ahead and try to put this behind you. I still feel guilty and sick about not having my first baby seat incorrectly installed when leaving the hospital 19 years ago (useless exh had one job …)

Absolutely no way is this acceptable. Both who shared the seat belt could have been seriously injured/fatally injured in the event of an accident.

How does that make it a safe area to drive? It makes an accident less likely, because of time and distance, but it doesn’t make the area safe to drive in.

in fact, areas with less traffic are deemed higher risk, in terms of being found quickly after an accident, and being found.

You must have been very young as front seatbelts became a legal requirement in the UK in 1983. 1979 in Ireland where I live.

I had a row with the school principal many years ago over this (my dc are all adults so between 15 and 20 years ago). The school pitch was about a 5 minute walk so a 2 or 3 minute drive. The kids were down there and the principal decided to pile them all into the school minibus for the return journey as it was raining. Dc told me they were all squashed in and nobody wearing seatbelts. I told the principal that under no circumstances was that to happen again. My dc could walk, they could phone me to collect or they could make 2 journeys but he was not to be put in a vehicle without everyone having their own seatbelt. Principal started arguing that it was only a short journey. He eventually agreed not to do it again with any of my dc.

Hi all,
We can see that there has been something of an extended discussion about the precise nature of what is clearly a tragic and still impactful past accident. We'd like to think that it will stop now that deletions have been made and that the conversation will return to the matter in hand.

I was born in 77, so before they were legal and certainly before rear belts were even fitted. Car safety awareness has come in hugely in such a relatively short amount of time x

I was well in my teens (I was born in 1965) before we had a car with rear seatbelts and that was well before it was a legal requirement. They weren't required to be fitted until cars registered in 1992. Prior to that, there was a lot of just stuffing everyone in. That said, my parents always insisted we wore them before it was required.

You would think awareness would have come on but some of the comments on here would suggest not as much as it should.

My dc started primary school between 2002 and 2007. Parents shoving extra kids in the back happened but it was rare. It was the type of parent you wouldn't feel too confident about anyway. I really would have thought by now that it would be an absolute no-no but obviously not.

I can't believe that 9% have polled that the OP is unreasonable! Apart from being illegal it's downright dangerous!
It doesn't matter how far the journey is or how fast the driver is driving! RTC's happen regularly and you can be the world's most competent driver and still get involved.
OP you are far from being unreasonable, you are teaching your kids a valuable lesson. Please ask your daughter to call you if this ever arises again. Even when they are older I would rather get out of bed at 2am and collect them rather than them have an unsafe journey!