Decision taken from me about dangerous driving

[Iwishicouldflyhigh]

I know how I feel, so I know that’s not unreasonable, but interested in other views.

DD2 was invited to a party and me and a friend agreed to lift share (we take, they bring back).

on the morning she messaged to say party girl’s friend offered to bring them from venue to their house so easier fir friend to pick up from there. No problem.

that night dd2 told me they were 4 in back of ca with only 3 seats. I’m really against this and dd2 knows that so she said she had to have a seatbelt and then 2 shared another seatbelt.

im so angry that this decision was made without checking with me, id never agree to it and would have gone to get her.

there is a reason its illegal.

i suppose I would just never do it and can’t understand how others think it’s ok.

dd2 is 12, no phone and was in a hard position.

in hindsight, I should have checked that there were enough seats (especially as I know my friend has form for doing the same), but it was a last minute change and I didn’t realise that I should even check (I assume people follow the law). Lesson learnt.

how do others feel? Am I particularly uptight (not that I would change my stance).

Well… it doesn’t. Have you read what you posted?

We used to pile into cars and a couple were always in the boot 😂

Yes the court reports say 5 squeezed in the back without seatbelts...switching between there and the boot..witnesses observed the children being boisterous sitting too many in the rear seats ..sometimes kneeling facing the boot. It is exactly the concern OP raises too many passengers and not wearing seatbelts

https://etsc.eu/half-of-killed-young-car-passengers-in-the-uk-were-unbelted/

I don’t really understand your point either. If that woman had only had 3 children in the back , all wearing seatbelts, then there would not have been so many deaths/injurues, would there? Perhaps the accident wouldn’t even have happened as that sounds very distracting.

She had 7 children some in the boot. This isn’t a comparable situation to one extra child and one unbelted. Don’t pretend it is similar.

i won’t go into details but let’s just say the aftermath wouldn’t be anywhere near as traumatising. That was a once in a lifetime accident for most to attend.

it’s just being googled for gossip unnecessarily and even if the worst happened go your daughter it wouldn’t have looked like that accident. Ok?

Oxford Mail court report ...you were saying OPs situation wasn't similar...I am simply challenging that (with evidence)

It genuinely baffles me that people would risk their own child's safety, let alone some else's.

YADNBU.

I was a passenger in a car crash where a six year old relative died because they weren’t wearing a seatbelt. One minute he was alive and part of a loving family, in 30 seconds he was gone, just a tragic memory. His poor parents have never gotten over it. It didn’t need to happen.
I would be absolutely livid if this was my child, I would never trust those people again. Everyone thinks it will never happen to them. It takes seconds for a life to be gone.

I’m not saying it’s the same circumstance exactly but it is the same context (too many people in a car. Ok?

I don’t condone the actions of the driver at all, I find it staggering that you haven’t spoken to or messaged the actual driver but that aside, move on from this, it was a couple of weeks ago and everyone is safe. Don’t think about what could’ve happened because it didn’t. Your daughter is safe.

I would never let this person look after my child again. And would make sure my daughter had a way to contact me as this could have been avoided if she had a way to get in touch with you.

id never ever do this and would never forgive someone for doing this to my child. I’m not intense about everything but I have very strong feelings about car safety. I would find it impossible to get past this honestly. I hope you never allow this person to drive your child again.

I learned a long time ago just to insist on driving both ways and being a willing taxi for any bystanders. I don’t rest until they’re home and won’t drink if they’re out in case I have to get in the car for an emergency, so I may as well just drive and be done with it (DH feels the same). But I am definitely uptight. And so is DH, fortunately. LOL

We had that 360 app at one time on our sons phone, and he was seen being driven at over 80 miles an hour, home on our winding country roads by the mother cf the party boy.
He won’t be going with them again.

You are not unreasonable OP

Dear god, you must’ve been petrified! Did you say anything when she reached your house?

OP, you are right to feel how you feel!

It would have been an absolute no from me I would have collected or asked another parent. But I appreciate it’s hard when you are on the spot.
I had a similar situation when my tiny dd was about 8, she still needed a booster so when she was invited on a trip to nearest city for a friend’s birthday I took the booster when I dropped her off at friends house. (I didn’t want to assume they had one as bday girl was several inches taller and might not use one) When dd got home that evening she told me she was in the back of the car on her booster as was the bday girls younger sisters. The bday girl and two other friends were in the boot!! No belts, this was on the moterway too. Lesson learnt always check the seating arrangements if your child is being transported.

Over capacity is not “really nothing”, it’s more noise, more moving around because they’re not comfortable, more distraction, more bodies to fly about in the event of an accident.

The more bodies in the car, the worse an accident is, clearly seven is worse than four, but four is still
wrong.

How can you say that over capacity is really nothing?

It’s not you. Would never do this and I don’t know anyone else who would (but clearly you thought that too.)
I know of some parents who are slack around seatbelt wearing but just never. Never with my own kids and definitely not with anyone else’s either.

She’s not. She (I assume she, sorry) is saying that the only similarity between the two cases is the over capacity, and that is not a massive similarity. Not that the over capacity itself isn’t an issue.

7 kids compared to 4 is a big difference.

Nothing now, I’ve talked to dd2 about what to do in a similar situation and learnt a lesson.

im staggered though, at how many people (from stories in this thread) think it’s ok.

WTF!!!!

Literally the only similarity is over capacity. Which is really nothing.

She’s saying over capacity is really nothing! Clearly!