To stop DS changing his registered carer from me to his GF?

[Agiraffecalledbow]

Pretty much that.
Ds stays at his GFs family home two nights a week. The rest of the time he is home. He has a learning disability and autism.
There has been suggestion recently that GF become his registered carer so that GF can claim carers allowance because she is on on a low income and getting few hours at work. To be transparent apart from accompanying DS on the odd day out and attending one appointment I am doing everything, all forms, all admin, all his household stuff, all appointments, all correspondance with medical teams and the usual things carers do.

AIBU to refuse to remove myself from registered carer unless GF is willing to do all the care he actually needs?

This would be so messy. They're not engaged, living together or seemingly committed in any meaningful way so handing over control of all his needs is so risky. If the relationship ends it could be a nightmare getting paperwork back, sorting out payments being stopped etc - she'd have all the control.

This complicates what could otherwise be a healthy relationship. You're right to say though that if she takes the money, she takes on all the responsibilities.

The problem is, if he can't be left at home alone due to being a fire risk then he's realistically looking at residential care. And as a high functioning person the chances of him getting that is almost zero. There'd probably have to actually be a serious house fire first for the risk to be accepted. Social services might give him some support in addition to what he already has for his work placement, but they aren't going to provide enough support hours that he's supervised 24/7 regardless of whether that's via direct payments or direct provision.

If he's living in OPs home she literally can't relinquish caring duties if nobody else adequately takes over, regardless of whether she's being paid as carer or not. She'd be leaving herself and her home at risk of death/destruction, by fire, if she did.

💯

Wait, what?
OP gets CA as she provides at least 35 hours of care for her DS each week, and he will have to be on DLA or PIP for her to get that.
Why should she not be getting it? She has explained what she does for her DS.
It is a little over £80 per week.

There seems a massive power imbalance OP @Agiraffecalledbow ....so your son has LD and needs considerable care and his GF has a degree?

So she is able... She knows she isn't supporting him 35 hours weekly... WHAT is her motivation? Apart from getting extra money?

This feels as it needs to be reviewed under safeguarding...

Ask the social worker if he could have an independent advocate. It would then be a neutral person working professionally.

I would let them know of your concerns. Also, look up hate crime, its well known that unscrupulous people have relationships with vulnerable adults for all the reasons you and other posters have raised.

That's likely the best course for OP without alienating her ds.

This is not the case. If someone else puts in a claim and OP is still claiming the new claim will be disallowed.

This is the exact situation I am in. Residential Care is an absolute not a chance.
Supported living has been discussed but we have been told it takes years.
We currently have weekly learning disability team appointments at home working on independence and equipment to help with daily living

He is desperate to move out which I understand.

He shouldn't be able to decide that someone who isn't doing 35 hours a week of care can receive the CA, which is what this would be. Son's wishes do not override legal requirements.

So if she has all these jobs, albeit for a small amount of hours what’s she going to do if one of his appointments clashes with her hours? How is she going to go to work if you have a job and aren’t there and your ds can’t be left by himself?

Hi OP. Benefits adviser here. Is this GF claiming UC do you know? I ask because if she claims CA she will also become entitled to the carers element of UC. Whilst CA will be deducted itself from the UC, she would still receive CA weekly and a top up of £200 pm carers element on the UC claim. The bigger factor here is that carers status will then mean she does not have to look for work..could that be a factor in this? Just a thought. Others have already stated the important issue, if not providing 35hrs per week or more of substantial and regular care she cannot claim anyway.

Mm. Go away.

I don't think they popped in for a reasonable discussion...just to goad.

Have you had a frank discussion with her about what it will actually mean?

I would also be concerned that this is not a healthy relationship, esp given the age gap, and that she now wants to claim CA for him.

However, it could turn out that it’s, and that this is a long term/ permanent relationship, in which case doing all these tasks would be something that transitions to her in the longer term. It’s hard to imagine that promoting a healthy dynamic, but I guess that’s the reality of any relationship he will have.

She would have to understand what is involved and demonstrate she is willing and able to do it before you give up CA, as it would mean you completely dropped the reins to her, and looking for work. So it would be a hard decision to undo. Does your son even understand this?

I guess if you had a younger child and worked, you wouldn't have to divert your child benefit to their nursery or childminder, but you'd still have to pay fees. I don't know if you could do this legally, or how easy it would be, but could you still receive the carers allowance, but pay the girlfriend for the hours of care she does? That way the hours that she's caring she'd get paid, but you would still have the benefit and control it. If they do end up being together long term, and if you were gradually paying her more and more, because she was taking on more and more for DS, you could eventually stop claiming as his mum and she could claim as his partner/girlfriend/wife, but if she drifted and never really took on everything, or eventually left your son, there wouldn't be a danger of her running away with the carer's allowance for nothing and leaving you broke.

If you're confident that he has the capacity to consent to the relationship and to her being his carer then I'd offer to directly pay the girlfriend your share of the carer's allowance for a few months in 2 weekly increments on the understanding that you'll withdraw this if you feel that DS isn't being adequately cared for. I'd sit them down and write down everything that you do for him and explain that you won't be doing any of it. Once you're satisfied that he's safe you allow the carers allowance to go to her directly but keep a close eye and involve ss if needed. As pp have said I'd involve a sw or his LD nurse if he has one for support as well as whatever gf's intentions are this is going to be a big transition

No, legally that can't be done with CA- the recipient has to be the one providing the required hours of care. CA also gives the claimant class 1 NICs, the rules around it are pretty tight.

Im not sure what you mean by 'refuse' to relinquish your position as his carer? He's an adult, it's not your choice to make?

Because OP is providing the care currently, not the GF, and if GF is not able to meet the caring criteria she should not be claiming in her own right as doing so, and OP is not confident that she will.

If it goes ahead then it's fraud. Plus l would make clear to them both she will have to do the actual caring and you won't be doing it anymore. So no more responding to the numerous messages, taking to appointments etc

The OPs DS has learning disability which would mean he is low functioning autistic - functioning levels are often misunderstood but refer to IQ. ‘High functioning’ means normal or high IQ not the impact of autism.

It is not clear if he has the capacity to make those decisions. I suspect he has no idea what it would mean for OP to cease to care for him.

It is mostly not about appointments and paperwork, it is doing his washing (or overseeing him doing it), cooking his meals (or overseeing him etc), ensuring he has adequate clothes, ensure his hygiene is up to scratch - making sure he washes and changes his clothes, keeping him safe minute to minute, making sure he is not the victim of mate crime or other scams, just day to day stuff. The sort of stuff you do with a five year old child. The sort of stuff OP won’t be able to opt out of as long as he lives in her home,