My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

I think it’s unfair to decide someone else’s grief should be compatible with your own. There’s lots of factors within this, her mental health prior to the death, her reliance on the animal for support/friendship, the amount she loves the pet, the length of time she has had the pet, how the pet died, how stressful her job role is, whether it is customer facing, her support network, ability to manage difficult emotions, way of managing grief. You would do it differently and that’s fine too it’s not a competition one way is not better than the other.

If you wanted to take leave to process the death of your pet I guess that would depend on your works policy but presumably given your manager has taken leave yes you could if you wanted to.

Totally different situation but two friends both recent lost a parent, one was back at work 8 days after the death the other has been off 3 weeks and has been signed off another two weeks. Neither is right or wrong.

I’ve no idea about this. She just emailed everyone to say she wouldn’t be at work

I took a day off when my pet died. Partially so I can get rid of all items with blood.
People are different

Oh, I have just seen your other post about having a very hard time. I'm sorry you have so much upsetting stuff going on.

Over a week people don't have this much time of when relatives die

Exactly!

That’s quite immature OP. Take some personal responsibility for your work ethic rather than looking to your manager’s failings as an excuse to slack off.

People are allowed to take annual leave for whatever damn reason they want.

I am really not a dog fan (or more so, not an entitled dog owner fan)

However you are being a bit mean - I’d be extremely upset if my cat died 😢 some people love their animals very strongly
and it can be worse to them than a family member dying.

Then you should know better

I would prefer to keep busy I think

She's had a day off and been honest about why.

If you want to have a day off every time you're upset and it comes out of your annual leave AND you're not screwing people over by taking it without much notice then have at it.

Yabu. Different people handle different things differently and a bit of compassion, understanding and flexibility isn't hard to give.

I've had colleagues take days off for things I would never miss a day of work for...today some who could have walked/live closer as me didn't come in due to the snow, I did as I felt confident to drive. However, when my dear dog passes, I may need a day to gather myself and would hope I would be supported and treated with kindness

Wow I would of felt like punching her in the face

Providing she doesn't take the piss with time off for random things all the time as a massive drip feed, I'd assume she was struggling with grief and needed more sleep, time to get her head back in the game etc

I dread to think of losing my pet. I can only assume I won't feel like working or doing anything when it's his time. I did lose a grandparent fairly recently, but it was expected and I did manage to work the next day, albeit a shorter day, but I was NOT up to scratch.

Why is it ridiculous

she is likely to be very upset so will not be able to focus at work and it will be annual or unpaid leave

I missed long planned work meeting when my cat died and have sent people home when they have been upset over their pets dying

YABU

I have had multiple friend and family deaths, a miscarriage, my mum going into a psych ward and my dad having a heart attack after she tried stabbing him and I didn’t have 1 day off.

My pet (who was my rock through all of the above and mores) died and I was devastated.
If I wasn’t a parent I would have killed myself.
So yes I took a day off because I couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t drive, let alone work.

Would you think it was ridiculous to have a day off to grieve a miscarriage, even though they’d never met the baby?

You don’t know what happened. It could have been a sad ‘it was Bella’s time’ PTS job, or it could have been a traumatic car accident, or a sudden, messy illness that kept her up for 48 hours straight, ending in a distressing rush to the vets. I’ve lost three dogs now, and have been devastated each time, but the dog whose undiagnosed spleen tumour suddenly erupted while in kennels… well, that took some getting my head around.

Dogs maybe a chapter in our lives but to them they are their whole book.
Her dog may have got her through some shit times, got her out of the house when she needed to.
Maybe she is grieving and is worried she may act differently to a stressful situation where she would normally cope?
I have had dogs more many years and it's devastating depending on how you deal with things.

Give her a break.

Well yes you should get the day off for your cats' death if she had it for a dog. If you feel you need it.

Losing a pet is very upsetting. Some people have had their dog longer than their children. Not that it's more important but animals are cherished and missed when they pass. She needed it so you can also have it. I'd say that's fair.

Better than a really nasty company where they would just tell you it's not serious enough and you've no right to feel bereaved for an animal.

She prefaced it with "I absolutely know thisnis not the same at all...."

But to me it didnt matter, I was in so much pain from loss at that moment and here was another human also feeling pain with loss. I just wanted to hug her tbh.

You and I are obviously very different.

We definitely are

Presumably she is using her leave? In which case it isn't really any of your business why she takes it. If she is miserable and sad and choosing to take a day off then why not?

Depends if she took sick leave or short notice holiday, which you wouldn't be entitled to know.

As a manager I would grant the latter not the former, depending.on essential work commitments that day of the employee asking.

Yes, because managers don't get a personal life. They should dedicate themselves solely to work 🙄

You don't sound very nice.