My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

You don’t sound like a “animal person” yawn!

Oh I’m so sorry. Our precious dog was PTS but it was fast and peaceful I was devastated beyond words I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you if it was awful .

Some animals literally are support animals. You know that can be a thing, yeah?

I prefer animals to humans on a whole. I cried more when my last cat died than when my mum or dad did. My cat was in my life more and was a huge character so the loss more keenly felt. Not just by me, I had neighbours drop off flowers, cards, news made community paper, little girl made me a plaque for his grave. He was very well known around here and him passing made a few people quite sad, people who'd go visit him at the churchyard behind my house for a fuss often.

The fact she is your manager means nothing. She's human, she is feeling loss.

No more uncompassionate than OP herself.

I think poster nails it actually

Some people are very attached to their pets, see them as part of the family so I think one day is reasonable. A few years ago my then-managers cat died suddenly- she had to take that day as she took him to the vet and he was put to sleep as so ill. She may have taken the next day too.
I think one day is reasonable.

Its almost certainly a lie, too.

My workplace had two very well thought of members of staff leave when refused time off after pets had died. With the costs of recruitment this caused they certainly learned to be more compassionate. When I have had a very elderly pet PTS I have arranged it for late in the week and taken some leave to get my equilibrium back. If you lose a pet, especially a young one, to a sudden illness or accident it is devastating and not possible to work effectively. For some of us our dogs are family members and the pain and grief when they go is equal to a human bereavement.

So this person is experiencing overwhelming emmotional stress over a significant period of time, and rather than giving it the acknowledgment they clearly need, she gets told to sit down because someone else is experiencing some grief.

There is enough compassion for everyone. You can acknowledge that some people are carrying a heavy load AND that for some people their pet dying is also very upsetting.

You don't have to pick sides.

As the CEO, I feel there is a much stronger argument that I should create a flexible and compassionate culture in which people are encouraged to look after their own wellbeing. And sometimes that means modelling looking after myself properly.

We don't all have to be martyrs in order to do a good job. In fact, I think most people do a much better job when they feel able to prioritise their wellbeing when they need to.

I care more about my dog than I do about most of my family.
I probably would go in on a Monday if he died on a weekend, but I wouldn’t be much use. But if my dog died on a weekday I would not be going into work. I don’t care if i use sick, annual leave or unpaid. I would be a mess.

I took 2 days off when my horse died.
When work or things at home were shit, I went to her and found great comfort in telling her stuff or just spending time with her or going off for a ride
when she died, all I wanted to do was go to her but she wasn’t there. It was homesick for a home that didn’t exist and I’ve never cried like that before

I did try to go into work the second day and my manager sent me home

I know someone who took three weeks off when his dog died. He used annual leave.

I couldn't stop.crying for three days when I had to have my dog put to sleep. I just couldn't stop and so had to take time off work
I cried more over that dog than I did over my mother's death thought I loved her very much
I can't explain why but I was distraught and really couldn't have worked

so unreasonable. dogs are family I’d miss my dogs more that most humans. She’s too upset to work and needs time off. She needs time off as she’s not emotionally ready for work.

You will not be aware if it is a day's leave, which if so is perfectly reasonable to me.

This is exactly how I feel.

I had to take the day off when my cat died. He was hit by a car on a Sunday night in November. I had to take Monday off to bury him (in daylight) - didn’t want to keep a dead cat until the next weekend! I was the manager and the office staff were quite unkind, seemed to think it was funny

There’s a fine line isn’t there, if you had a chronic headache and couldn’t sleep all night you would be justified in calling in sick, it wouldn’t be safe to drive when so tired for a start and could be unsafe for some occupations. If you were so upset your dog died that you ended up with a terrible headache and were up all night, is there any difference? You’re still not fit to work either way.

A couple of months ago we were about 12 hours from putting our dog to sleep, it was a very sudden injury and the vet said it was best (not accurate in the end) but we were in shock and totally heartbroken. It was an awful decision to make. I wouldn’t have been fit to work that day, my eyes were so swollen I looked like I’d had an allergic reaction.

If it has no bearing on you, keep out of it. We all deal with things differently.

Surely you must realise that every one of us is different. Every type of grief is different and every single one of us copes with trauma differently.
I nearly had a nervous breakdown when my beloved boxer reached the end after a long cancer battle. Having the vet visit us at home when the time came was the kindest thing and the most devastating thing ive had to do.
I most certainly could not have carried on as normal and gone to work.
I think you are being very unreasonable and pray that should you ever be in a similar situation that someone shows you more compassion that you are feeling towards your colleague.

It's better to take a day off than come in to work when you're too upset to function at work.

I too have carried on working when a pet died, so I do think it's ridiculous that you can't put on your work face and get on with it. But a sudden death of a young dog would be hard to deal with, unlike an elderly dog PTS.

When or how someone else uses their leave is none of your business, none of your concern, and when it's your manager, above your pay grade to comment on.

What an uncaring, horrible response from you. Vile.

You sound resentful and maybe even a bit hostile towards your manager, who just happens to WFH. Managers are human too, and humans grieve differently. It’s only one day, the world won’t implode.

That's insane. Were you so overwhelmed by grief that you were incapable of doing any work for a week?

To be fair he probably has had a lot of practice dealing with death and distress.

Very honest of her. She could have just called in sick saying she's been throwing up all night