My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

I don’t think it’s ridiculous. Dogs are special companions and people think of them as part of the family. As pp say it’s not extra paid leave so why shouldn’t she choose to take a day off?

im not a dog person at all but can see how much they mean to others.

If she's overwhelmed by grief, uncontrollable bursts of crying throught the day, then she won't be much use working regardless of where the work place is!

I've seen people this overwhelmed by grief from losing smaller animals than a dog & even they are shocked by how much it affected them for several days. Compassion please people.

I think it depends on circumstances. My last two cats to die were old and sick, and when they were PTS I was sad but nothing I couldn't handle in the workplace. The cat who died before them was killed by a car driver, and I was a total mess over the violent and gruesome death of a very loved pet. Luckily I was working part time and the next couple of days weren't working days, otherwise I would probably have taken a day or two of annual leave.

Ddog ddead ?

Sometimes it depends what else someone is already dealing with how well they cope. I think it's such a shame that we work so hard to educate people about mental health and then begrudge someone a day to take care of their mental health. I'd rather a member of my team took a day if they needed it then carried on and potentially caused all kinds of issues at work because they really weren't in the head space to be there

If she's taking her own annual leave and the work of the company is not negatively affected, it's nobody else's business.

If she's been given compassionate leave, then it's the decision of her manager or whoever approves leave for her.

Everyone feels things differently. Other things might have happened in her life that make her closer to her dog than you might be to your pet. I would show some tolerance, be kind to her when she returns and that's it.

It’s a job, OP. Companies these days get rid of people so easily. If she’s entitled to time off, and is her legal right she can take it if she feels she needs it.

nailed it.

I think empathy and sympathy are different things.

Thankfully my dogs are very much alive and kicking. But I know that when the time comes I'll be fucking distraught. I don't have children and I love my dogs dearly. I think people are allowed to feel grief when they suffer a loss and it isn't for anybody else to judge how much they should be impacted by that grief.

Her being a manager has no bearing whatsoever on how she copes with a devastating event.

I don’t mean to insult guinea pigs - we have Guinea pigs and gerbils! DH is senior doctor in ITU and there is no way his colleagues would be impressed if he took time off if one of our beloved rodents died.

To the posters that have workplaces that would be ok with it then that sounds like a really nice place to work

Who would work for a company that doesn’t ‘allow’ employees a day off for the funeral of a parent?
How utterly cruel and bizarre.
Treat people with care and compassion.

Pets mean different things to different people. The fact you think its ridiculous means your cats dont occupy your heart in the same way her dog did, so you would be unreasonable to want a day off.

I tell you something, I don't believe that. You 'know of'. You didn't know the person yourself. You're just reporting hearsay. And it just happens to be about someone who worked in the public sector. When my cat was put to sleep (see my earlier post) I was working in the public sector myself, and I didn't get any time off work, nor did I expect it. Collegues who were cat people themselves were very supportive and sympathetic.

It’s not ridiculous they are family members to most people and it’s real grief. I will be devastated when my cats pass and I’ll take a day if I decide I need it. Don’t be so cold, the world is cold enough as it is.

What have I just read?!

Ah yes when you're in line for promotion to manager they say "you best get rid of any feelings before you accept this role".

For what it's worth I think considering the pet died on the weekend she should be in work. If it had died this morning then absolutely understandable they take the day off.

I suspect this is about rather more than a dog. Mental health is a valid reason for absence. Period.

I wouldn’t call you an arsehole OP but you are being ridiculous to not realise this day off might not just be about the dog. Unless you know every single thing about someone’s life it’s unreasonable to police a reaction to one event when it could very well be ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’. You’ve said it’s had ‘no effect’ on you but I’d disagree. It’s resulted in you judging someone else negatively and if you think that doesn’t impact on you you’re wrong: even if you don’t care about your behaviour to other people (and by extension yourself), others will notice.

OP,yes you are a horrible human being.No empathy,I assume you don’t like/are jealous of your manager.

She may have taken annual leave.

Stay being selfish and self-centred,it suits you.

Grief can be just as powerful when it's for a pet. And if somebody is really struggling with grief, they are not fit to work. I don't think she is ridiculous at all.

I try to generally work on the basis of compassion and understand that while it’s not something you may feel the need to take time off for, it is a bereavement and could be hugely upsetting for some.
If it doesn’t affect you then I don’t see why you’d have such strong opinions on it.

The world had a gone mad.

You're not an arsehole, you're just burned out from carrying a lot of stress and sadness. I'm going to gently recommend getting some supportive talking therapy because you sound like you are developing 'brittle resilience'. People push themselves to keep going and keep going and bat off their own stress and sorrow, so it makes sense they bat off other people's too.

Then something happens and they break. The classic straw that breaks the camel's back. So look after yourself, you sound like you have a lot on your plate.

I worked for a woman who took a week off when her dog died. She owned the business.