AIBU to want a divorce?
I’ll try keep it short. Together 20 years in total since our early 20s. 4 children aged 11, 8, 5 and 3. I’m the main breadwinner (we both work) but also completely fed up with doing 90% of all household tasks and 100% of mental load and DIY. We have argued about this forever.
Sometimes DH improves for a short while with washing and hoovering but it rarely lasts. More recently, he genuinely believes he is actually doing his fair share - it’s delusional but he’ll wash up once and then refer back to it in the argument when I say I’m sick of him doing nothing.
He’s an excellent dad and hands on with school run and playing with kids but that also means he’s the ‘fun’ parent while I remind them to tidy their room or brush their teeth. He’s a kind person who I know loves me works full time (longer hours than me) and can do some tasks if I ask. But there is inability to see any task that needs doing, and unable, and seemingly unwilling to learn any basic diy. If I don’t fix it, it stays broke. I deal with all admin, bills, insurance, holidays etc
I am just so tired of the same argument. If it hasn’t changed in 20 years then it isn’t going to. I’m worn out, snappy, fed up. My life would run so much smoother without chasing round after an overgrown child who takes no responsibility for anything. If I hadn’t have taken the Christmas tree down, I’d be willing to bet it would stay up til this Christmas.
Both DH and the kids would be devastated if we split. Is this just how life is? I’m not looking for perfect or anything exciting- just an actual partner doing their share. He creates more work for me. I’ve lost respect and am noticable withdrawn from relationship but feel awful breaking up family when he’s not done anything ‘wrong’ and like I’m selfish.
YABU - this is life and not worth the upset to the kids
YANBU - a divorce is best long term