Baby can’t nap while siblings are home

[hometohoneys]

I have a 14 month who usually has a morning nap and an afternoon one but while her siblings are off school it’s impossible to get her to sleep, so she is in a constant state of tired/over tired and unhappy, they are constantly up and down to the toilet to retrieve a toy, calling me at the top of their voice or just noisy and she is really tired but each time she goes for a nap she’s woken up immediately.
They wake her up in the morning by bursting into our room early, she’s in the next room but bouncing along the landing and opening our door wakes her every time and even if they stay up a bit later in the holidays she can’t sleep because again they are up and down to the toilet or screech and she’s awake.
There’s only a year difference between the older two but while one of them is considerate and tries to be quiet the other just couldn’t care less.
I really don’t know what to do anymore as she doesn’t sleep in her pushchair anymore and will only nap in her cot.
AIBU to think they could be quiet and let her sleep or are they right not to give a toss and ignore me because it’s not their problem.
They are 8 and 10.

What consequences do they get for waking the baby?

Take them out for a long walk, she will eventually fall asleep in her pram and you get to tire the older two out, win win.

An 8 and a 10 year old are more than capable of being quiet enough to not wake a baby.

Would a white noise machine drown out some of their racket?

I think there are 2 points to consider here - one, I think maybe the baby possibly doesn’t need 2 naps and therefore isn’t tired enough to sleep very well for either nap, and two, your older children are old enough to know how to be quiet ish so as not to wake the baby up!!

At eight and ten they should be able to sit still and be quiet.

For whichever nap is usually longer I would instill a house wide 'quiet time'. Everyone goes to the toilet beforehand, gets what they need from upstairs and is thereon confined to the living room. They can choose a movie and sit and watch it quietly (whilst also colouring/doing Lego etc).

I would be giving clear and tangible consequences for waking the baby and following through every time.

Re constantly going upstairs to get toys...while she's napping, that doesn't happen. They have to cope with what toys they have available downstairs. It sounds like you need to have consequences in place for when they wake her. I'm sure they can work quietly in school when told to so they can at home.

If you think there's a possibility they might be right in being disobedient and not giving a toss, it's no surprise you have a problem.

They need consequences and if they don't work, you need to up the consequences until they do.

Much like anything they may choose to be disobedient about.

8& 10 are definitely old enough to know not to wake the baby.
Consequences of doing so mean they can't go upstairs during nap time, early bedtime, removal of screen time etc.
Warn them when you are going to put baby down that they need to collect things from upstairs then.
Even my 3yo knew not to wake the baby!!

White noise machine and upstairs ban!

I'd cut down to one nap and go for a walk in the buggy after lunch.

Or send the older ones to sit in the car and watch ipads for an hour at nap time 😂

And they won’t be going to the toilet every five minutes at school.

They don’t because I am torn between it not being their problem but I do notice the grin from the younger sister as she smirks and says I need the toilet now just as she’s gone off like it’s funny and not her problem.
Although I did say this morning I would bake cookies with them if they just let her have a nap but nope she just couldn’t stay downstairs for an hour, had to get a toy, had to get slippers and then she’s awake so I try again in an hour after asking if anyone needs the toilet first and then as soon as she’s off she suddenly needs to go but didn’t before and I can’t stop her going so she’s awake again.

I have a cot mobile that plays white noise which I use.

Of course they need consequences! Just tell them they're not to go upstairs when the baby is napping.

So the problem is very much that you've been afraid/reluctant to enforce any rules or boundaries around this issue.

Step up. Let the baby nap. Teach your older children to be considerate.

Stop bribing your children and start parenting them.

Yes, this. A lot of things in life aren't going to be "their problem", but good parenting is teaching them to be considerate of others.

Sorry, but you’re not being strict enough. You say it’s not their problem but it is a family problem and you need to tackle it together. Your DD may have wanted the toy and her slippers but she didn't need them. You shouldn’t need to bribe them - just agree with them what they’re going to do for an hour, check they’ve got what they need, and make it clear they are simply not allowed upstairs. If they go anyway, there should be consequences they don’t like, as for any other deliberate defiance.

Don’t ask if they need the toilet first - just tell them to go, the same as you would (I hope) before going out.

It shouldn’t really be needed, but I suppose you could promise a reward (eg a little extra tv time) if they don’t disturb the baby's nap.

Are they step children by any chance?

I didn’t make the cookies as a consequence because the cookies were if she didn’t wake her up.

No they are all full sisters. They are ours.

Sorry an 8 and 10 year old can't be quiet then that's your problem for not putting your foot down, even our 4 yr old twins keep noise down when they know baby is napping as do older ones same as if an older is ill and has to lie down everyone respects that and becomes a little quieter

We had a similar problem here, we started putting the Alexa on (‘meditation station’ is pretty good!) during nap times to try and diffuse any noise from my older 2!