Baby can’t nap while siblings are home

[hometohoneys]

I have a 14 month who usually has a morning nap and an afternoon one but while her siblings are off school it’s impossible to get her to sleep, so she is in a constant state of tired/over tired and unhappy, they are constantly up and down to the toilet to retrieve a toy, calling me at the top of their voice or just noisy and she is really tired but each time she goes for a nap she’s woken up immediately.
They wake her up in the morning by bursting into our room early, she’s in the next room but bouncing along the landing and opening our door wakes her every time and even if they stay up a bit later in the holidays she can’t sleep because again they are up and down to the toilet or screech and she’s awake.
There’s only a year difference between the older two but while one of them is considerate and tries to be quiet the other just couldn’t care less.
I really don’t know what to do anymore as she doesn’t sleep in her pushchair anymore and will only nap in her cot.
AIBU to think they could be quiet and let her sleep or are they right not to give a toss and ignore me because it’s not their problem.
They are 8 and 10.

Probably a little late to start but I made sure the younger children got used to sleeping through noise so if the house was quiet I had the radio on near the sleeping baby (speech radio not music) so they were not disturbed by the older children

You need to parent these children. How will they ever learn any consideration for others if you can't even get them to respect a babies need to sleep? Do they run circles around you in other areas of your parenting?

Consequences. Immediate and harsh ones. She's doing it deliberately. I would wipe that smirk off her face then and there. Whatever toy she went up to get, bin it. Do not replace it. If she can't go to the toilet quietly, you take her to the toilet like a little toddler.

Make them go before nap time and absolutely you can stop them going upstairs. I'd sit on the stairs and physically stop them.

i use a white noise machine and ban DS from going upstairs whilst she's napping.
if he desperately needs something I'll go get it as I don't sound like an elephant going up the stairs.
but he is generally good in knowing once she's down noise is kept to a minimum

At 8 and 10 they are old enough not to be shouting and screeching when they know the baby is sleeping. Yes babies should be able to sleep through some noise but this doesn’t sound like a normal level of noise!
Going to the toilet fair enough if they really need to- but this can be done quietly! Shouting for you, no that’s not acceptable and needs consequences.

It always surprises me when DC have sleepovers how many of their friends charge up and down the stairs and slam the bathroom door in the middle of the night when they know people are sleeping- parents should be teaching kids to be considerate to others.

I’d warn them baby is going for a nap now, it’s quiet time, have a wee, get whatever you need from upstairs. No shouting, and be quiet if you absolutely must go upstairs.

Also does the baby need to drop to one long nap now? 14 months is quite old for two naps I think.

And also do you put white noise or music on? I used to put on music for my youngest which drowned out most of the household noises.

Do you think the younger one is a mite jealous maybe The smirking if Babe is woken .Is she a bit put out at not being the baby any more.I would say that you cant go upstairs right now .Babes asleep like you used to be when you were small.Try and involve her in baby care see if that may work

What consequences could I use for waking a baby?

I’d just start being firm with the rules and stick with them. Baby is going up to bed now, ask if anybody needs the toilet as for the next hour it will be out of use- 8 & 10 is old enough to understand that, and then stick to it. Same for toys etc- ask if anybody needs anything from upstairs because baby is going for nap so for the next hour it's downstairs only, and again, stick to it.

"They don’t because I am torn between it not being their problem."

They are members of a community and old enough to understand that they don't wake the baby. It absolutely is their problem.

Her behaviour hasn’t changed since her sister was born but yes I see jealousy towards both her sisters.

Removal of toys, or TV or anything fun! Naughty step If you do it, literally any punishment for disobeying your instruction to be quiet and let their sibling sleep. If these are kids who are normally at school that means they are 4+ and are being utterly selfish. How have you let this go on for the whole 2 week holiday, it's a bit late now to try and implement anything

Edited to say I have just seen they are 8 and 10 years old, I am honestly shocked you have allowed them to disturb their siblings sleep for 2 weeks and not done anything about it. They live in a house with other people and can't have what they want all the time

No screen time, no pocket money, early bedtime, no treats - what are your usual consequences for bad behaviour?

As I was reading this, I assumed your older two were more aged around 3/4. Small children who have no real understanding of the importance of the babies nap, and harder to keep quiet. But when I saw they were 8 and 10, I thought…no. You need to be firmer with them. They are more than old enough to understand basic house rules and need to be told to stay downstairs. Before the baby goes down for her nap, ensure the older two have everything they need downstairs, and make it a firm rule they have to stay in the living room for this time. Consequences if they don’t.

You know your own kids.

Therefore you'll know what will hit them the hardest and make them listen to you in future.

Do they get away with running wild and ignoring their school teachers, or smirking at them?

OP, I’ve only read your updates and not other suggestions- I would be reading the absolute riot act in your shoes. Mine are 7,6 and 19months. The boys know that they must move around silently whilst baby sleeps and would lose TV / other privileges for deliberate waking. I also set up crafts etc to do quietly during the nap.

You have to be extremely firm that every family member serves the best sleep possible. You don’t go in to their room in the middle of the night and wake them for the fun of it and you will not tolerate them doing the like. If need be sit on the stairs whilst the new rules are gotten used to!! Sometimes parenting is holding really firm!!

At those ages I am gobsmacked you’ve allowed it more than once. Poor wee toddler.

They aren't babies and need to learn to be considerate of others. If they wake baby up, no screen time or insert consequence that they will very much dislike.

How old is your baby? It seems like your baby needs a very quiet house to sleep in tbh.

I was about to say this.

I had 6 children so the youngest 4 can sleep through an earthquake.

Why are an 8 and 10 year old being allowed to behave like this?

My 4 year old is fully capable of being quiet when our baby is sleeping, and understands not shout or crash about near her room. He manages this 90% of the time with gentle reminders. There is no reason your 8 and 10 year olds should not be able to do this! You need to find a way of being firmer with them on this.

They would not behave like this at school.

Buy a potty for the one that constantly needs to go upstairs for the toilet ! I think she wont need to go as often.

Same with my 3 year old.

I'd put a stop to the bursting-into-your room thing, unless there is a genuine emergency.

My son was 5.5 when his baby sister was born. At a few months old she was fast asleep in the pram after I had walked her around and around the block and he walked in with his Minion fart gun put it in the pram and turned it on, scared the shit out of her and she woke up screaming. That Minion gun was launched down the garden faster than you could say fart and he was sent to his room. Didn’t do it again and he learnt to be quiet when the baby was sleeping. You need to be tougher on them and teach them some basic rules.