Baby can’t nap while siblings are home

[hometohoneys]

I have a 14 month who usually has a morning nap and an afternoon one but while her siblings are off school it’s impossible to get her to sleep, so she is in a constant state of tired/over tired and unhappy, they are constantly up and down to the toilet to retrieve a toy, calling me at the top of their voice or just noisy and she is really tired but each time she goes for a nap she’s woken up immediately.
They wake her up in the morning by bursting into our room early, she’s in the next room but bouncing along the landing and opening our door wakes her every time and even if they stay up a bit later in the holidays she can’t sleep because again they are up and down to the toilet or screech and she’s awake.
There’s only a year difference between the older two but while one of them is considerate and tries to be quiet the other just couldn’t care less.
I really don’t know what to do anymore as she doesn’t sleep in her pushchair anymore and will only nap in her cot.
AIBU to think they could be quiet and let her sleep or are they right not to give a toss and ignore me because it’s not their problem.
They are 8 and 10.

Gently, you need to crack this now with your child as it will be a long summer. I have a very noisy and active 7 year old and she is very aware that she needs to let her younger brother nap and it is expected she will be quiet in that time. I have resorted sometimes to TV - so nap time is the only time she can watch her special programmes (if I need to do something) or let her pick a fun activity with me that she can't do when he is awake (due to choking hazards etc).

The consequences (usual ones such as loss of treats or screen time) are not really for waking the baby, as that could make them more resentful of the baby. The consequences are for disobeying you when you tell them no shouting, don’t go upstairs, etc.

I just reread and see baby is 14 months old. I would be moving them towards one midday nap.

Yes your 8 year old needs to be disciplined for disobeying you. No way should be going into the room where baby is sleeping and yes to toilet beforehand and then there is a ban on going upstairs.

They’re old enough to know better. I would have had a firm word last week.

So preempt it
Agree with quiet time for everyone
Loo, get slippers, toys and a consequence for breaking it
I found grounded( no playdates, parties, friends round ) got the message across
They are clearly playing you with the grins

Ban them both from going upstairs when baby is asleep!

They put one foot on the stairs there is a consequence.

I thought you were going to say they were 3 and 4. They are plenty old enough to have consequence's for waking baby. Take screen time from them and stick to it. They will soon learn.

They are old enough to understand they need to be quieter. So you start consequences

Rather than punish, I’d give a treat to any sibling who was capable of playing downstairs quietly while the baby is resting.

Well that'll be none of them then, hence the OP not making the cookies, and the poor baby not being able to get the sleep she needs.

And smirking in particular needs punishing.

This. What on earth are you going to do when they are teenagers?

Keep going with the consequences, she’ll start learning. But imo they do need to be more immediate and concrete than this. Not baking hypothetical cookies later is a bit wishy washy.

I expected my (then) 3 year old to be considerate of the baby. He is wilful and boisterous and even he got it. Most of the time, if not always.

A 10yo and 8yo would get consequences, surely? I personally would be too busy and tired to take them on any special trips or anything else after that.

Yoto and screen time can both help on a day to day basis in the future though.

Seriously… she’s 8. That’s deliberate.

Explain to her simply that all the nice things planned are cancelled because when she does this mummy has zero time or energy to do anything with her.

They probably want your attention. I would go for one nap a day. If they are noisy, you go in with the baby and if they are not noisy you spend the time doing something nice with them.

You seem to have guilt issues about having a baby. You need to get over those and discipline your older kids. They’re all part of a family and need to work together, making it not their problem makes them unpleasant and spoilt.

Just spent a few days with family with a 1yr old and 3yr old and the 3yr old knew to be quiet/not go near the room when the baby was sleeping.

Why aren't you disciplining your kids?

It depends. Is the baby waking at the tiniest noise? Have you trained her to only sleep in dead silence?

If not, and the other two are making a racket - tell them off! If they are capable of watching tv for an hour to allow a nap when they want to, then they are capable of doing it before their sister goes down for a nap.

At 8 and 10, I'd be coming down hard on them. They are more than old enough to understand being quiet for an hour and not waking the baby.

You are being too lenient and doing no one any favours long term. You're teaching them they are in some sort of competition for attention, that it's ok to bully the baby etc. Nip it in the bud.

'Don't wake the baby' is too vague an instruction. Firstly you need to lay down clear, easy to follow rules (designed to prevent them waking the baby).

For example, 'when Millie is having her nap you must stay downstairs'.

That's extremely clear and easy to follow.

If they break that rule they need a clear, easy to impose consequence. What that is will depend on your children and the setup of your home life. You will (or at least should!) know this better than any of us. It could be 'you lose your iPad for the rest of the day' or 'I won't take you riding on Saturday' or 'You won't be getting you pocket money this week'.

Have a few rules, all clear and easy to follow designed to keep them quiet.

Agree with a PP who suggested a potty

Make them go for a last minute wee before naptime and if they are nonetheless desperate to go during naptime they can use the potty in a downstairs room with closed door. As pp says they may find they can hold it…

And if there is anything they genuinely need from upstairs, you get it not them.

Consequences for your older 2 and white noise machine for your youngest.

Does your baby only nap when there is absolute silence? Or with just white noise playing. It’s probably too late to get her used to sleeping with normal household noise about her. When my two were tiny they weren’t ever laid down to nap in almost absolute silence, I had music on, I did vacuuming etc. They soon learnt to be soothed by those noises. As for consequences- no screen time, no special treats like going out to the park etc.

What a shame you've only posted this as they are presumably returning to school, it's a wasted opportunity. They need parenting, children need boundaries and you need to set them and stick to them. No going upstairs for any reason, consequences for disobeying you every time. You've said there's a year between the eldest two so I assume the middle child is almost 9. They are behaving like toddlers yet are going to start with hormones soon and high school isn't too far away. You need to stamp this behaviour out immediately. There is no need to fetch emergency toys, go to the toilet that often or whatever other excuses they are making up. Call their bluff, get your baby a potty in anticipation of toilet training and make it available for 'emergencies' when baby is sleeping, I can guarantee it will never be used by the elder two and will eventually be needed one day for the youngest anyway. Two naps a day also sounds like too much now.