To feel protective of my house

[ThisMintHouse]

Early 40s F. Getting married next year to wonderful, kind and generous man also early 40s. We have a child each from previous relationships and an ours baby now 1yo.
I bought a house 7 years ago and have just over 100k left on the mortgage. I've paid off about 50k. He's interested in contributing and making it our home. I'm feeling a bit scared about this as my home is a haven and I don't want to lose it. However, I also want to respect and trust my relationship. He doesn't have any property but he has a decent job and good earning potential.

YANBU: A house is a majorly important asset. Protect what was yours before the marriage.

YABU: Marriage includes combining assets and trusting one another. Jump in and trust in the process.

I wouldn't get married, I'm in your situation and won't be getting married, my will leaves my house to my son with a right to live there for my partner until he starts a new relationship. It doesn't mean I love him any less but my house was mine before we met and he benefits from that already.

Nobody needs to be married, I've been with my partner nearly 23 years without being married but we are joint home owners who both pay towards the house which protects us both!
It's going to be difficult for people of your mindset to have future relationships if you want you everything to be yours and yours alone. As I said on another post I used to know someone who got into a relationship with a divorcee and after a few years she wanted them both to flog their separate houses and get a mortgage together, but he wouldn't do it and it made for a really bad relationship. He'd often slink back to his house and she started to feel like he was using her and her house when he felt like it and not committing or contributing. You can't have it both ways, don't get into relationship if you are going to deprive a partner of everything that's important.

Hmm, not ideal though is it because you've basically stopped your partner from moving on with his life because you will make him homeless the minute he tries! You've never given him the chance to have a joint home ownership with you, you have called all the shots and told him he's homeless at some point if you go before him - how long is your son going to have to wait for your partner to move out of the house that will be his? You've basically left your son and partner a hand grenade in your will!

I don't want everything to be mine, I want what's mine to be mine. I was married for over 20 years, I'd be perfectly happy not living with another man again. I don't see if as depriving any man of anything, presumably I'd find a man that also didn't want to live together or get married. Doesn't mean I can't be in a relationship or that I am using anyone.

Thank you everyone. What do you think of the suggestions of a few posters to ring fence a percentage of equity and then to proceed as 50/50 for the rest of the mortgage. This would be in attempt to create a situation where I could buy him out if necessary. I wouldn't be able to do that with 50/50 but maybe could if it was less and later in life. Hopefully not the case but if...

I think you need to talk to a solicitor to see if there is a foolproof way of doing that as a married couple. I am not so sure there is, especially if the marriage lasts more than 5 or so years.

I've read your various posts and your viewpoint is very single minded. There is no hand grenade in my will, our son gets the house and my partner is provided for until he moves on. Hopefully this won't be an issue until our son is grown up and in his own home anyway, but if the worst happens my partner would be living in the house looking after him anyway.
He hasn't put any money into the house and our living arrangement allowed him to pay off substantial debt, in the future he can invest or buy a rental property.

When my children buy houses, this is what I will be strongly encouraging them to do but they’re both starting from Ground zero.
Whereas frankly, he isn’t. He has the added advantage of being able to buy into a property that he wouldn’t have been able to afford as a first time buyer himself. I would imagine.
If that’s not the case, then it’s more palatable

You need legal advice.
This is your older childs home, you should not be risking this with a new relationship.
A good man will understand this.
I really wouldn't be getting married though if there is any difficulty.
He could buy a small property for himself.