To feel protective of my house

[ThisMintHouse]

Early 40s F. Getting married next year to wonderful, kind and generous man also early 40s. We have a child each from previous relationships and an ours baby now 1yo.
I bought a house 7 years ago and have just over 100k left on the mortgage. I've paid off about 50k. He's interested in contributing and making it our home. I'm feeling a bit scared about this as my home is a haven and I don't want to lose it. However, I also want to respect and trust my relationship. He doesn't have any property but he has a decent job and good earning potential.

YANBU: A house is a majorly important asset. Protect what was yours before the marriage.

YABU: Marriage includes combining assets and trusting one another. Jump in and trust in the process.

I thought the same 🚩🚩

as previous posters have suggested, you need legal advice OP.

very odd someone who earns so well, yet has no savings either. Do you actually know he earns well? - where was he living before he met you and was so keen to move in?

What’s yours is mine and what mine is my own seems to be his thought. If he earns well why doesn’t he have good savings to pay off a significant lump sum of the mortgage and enter the marriage on an equal footing?

@ThisMintHouse
If you're in England I'd be very careful of the house becoming a marital asset.
Personally I wouldn't get married, I'd be more keen to protect my asset.
Dsis owned her home before she even met her now exh.
The house was deemed a marital asset during the divorce and she now finds herself, in her 50's, with a disabled teen about to become homeless.
She has been ordered to sell the house and split the proceeds 55/45%, 55 to her.
This doesnt leave her enough to buy a new property and she's currently a carer for her teen so doesn't work and is unable to get a mortgage.
I'd be very wary in your position

If you dont want your property to become his property in the eyes of thr law...dont get married

Why do you need to get married?

Bang on.The double standards on mn 🤔😂

Why was that?

How often does he see his first child?

I think the answers to these questions will help you decide the best way forward.

You've obviously got doubts about this, and they've come from somewhere.

You need a deed of trust with your asset as it is now protected in full. What you decide to share between you as it increases in value can be decided between you.

I’d want to know what has happened since then. If he earns well has he built up savings he could contribute to buy into your property or another? What does he do with his salary, is he making regular maintenance payments for his child?

Of course he wants everything held in common, that’s part and parcel of marriage but doesn’t work so well when there’s a big discrepancy in assets. This is where it’s important to see marriage as the legal contract that it is, not just the next step in a relationship.

No, it's ops thought 😂

What do you mean he has “good earning potential”. Base all judgement on what he earns now, potential is fantasy, non existent earnings, might (probably) never happen. Be careful op. And to the pp saying if the shoe was in the other foot and the man was protecting his assets there would be uproar, yes there would as inevitably the woman ends up the one financially on the back foot. My teens struggle, I couldn’t fathom going for promotions at work with so much going on, I also financially mitigate their problems while he pays a bit of maintenance and sees them a couple of hours a week. 100% different position for a woman. Protect your assets op

I note you say “earning potential”, is he not earning well at the moment?

Where does he currently live? I’d get a declaration of trust and a prenup to protect your share and then try to buy another property, eg a flat, that you could rent out but ensure that he had something if you split. Or encourage him to save so he can buy something in his sole name.

def get this sorted sooner rather than later.
you need to ring fence the equity in your house. However going forward I would share what you accumulate. It’s a visit to a solicitor and they’ll arrange it all.
for everyone saying if it was the other way around we would be saying they are entitled to half.
that’s the advice given when the women has given up her home, her career , pension as they often have to do in a marriage to look after children and the home.

Is he earning a good wage now too? You mention potential?

YABU you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Why are you getting married if you don’t want to share assets.

You can’t pick and choose.

You either get married and share assets or you don’t get married.

50% marriages end in divorce, it is not unreasonable to take advice of how to protect your assets for you and your children as much as possible.

I'm a man , not that should matter - I'm mid 40's, own my place outright - I was due to marry but my partner (female) cheated, I would never in a million years have suspected it, I trusted her implicitly.

It makes you think, had we got married she would have had an entitlement to my property, which is not just my home but my business premises and livelihood - it could all have ended very badly indeed - fortunately I dodged that bullet.

I would never consider marriage now, and if hypothetically I did, I would be looking for the future Mrs. DeftWasp to be in a good financial position in her own right, so if it did go pear shaped we would both be OK.

Declarations of trust and pre ups are all well and good, but you could still be in a position of having to sell your safe haven to pay that which he had contributed, add in all the associated costs and you could be in a lesser home or with more mortgage to pay.

Pre nups aren’t legally binding in this country although they can be seen as intent. By having a child with this man you have made things complicated if you want all your assets to stay yours. Much easier to have not made that commitment. If you don’t get married and he doesn’t pay towards the mortgage then difficult for him to have legal access to your assets. But if the boot was on the other foot and it was him with all the assets and the OP without people would be crucifying him for not wanting to get married especially once a child is in the mix.

Where is he living now?

Why are you getting married?

You wouldn’t say that about a woman moving in with a man who wanted to protect his assets

I’d wonder why she had no assets and wonder if she was a bit of a cocklodger actually 🤷🏼‍♀️

Then what’s the point in getting married?

Every day on MN women are encouraged to get married to ensure they are financially protected if their DP dies or they get divorced.

Why is it any different now?

If OP died her DH would be homeless with her child.