Does anyone else have this approach to friendships or am I weird?

[BarbaraVineFan]

Since I was at school I have always had close friendships with a few people (typically only 3 or 4) and only really acquaintanceships with everyone else, although I am always friendly. However, I am wondering now if I’m a bit odd, because I basically get very close to these people for a period of time (for example, for the duration of a job I will make close friendships with a few people) but then don’t maintain the friendships afterwards when I leave the job.

Of course, I have retained some friends throughout my life- for example, my two closest friends from university- but I only see them a couple of times a year and usually talk/text every couple of months or so, whereas on a day to day basis I feel closer to my ‘current’ work friends and would tend to see them outside work more frequently, say once or twice a month. I am definitely not someone who wants to see friends constantly and am quite happy in my own company or that of my family.

I’m just wondering if this habit of making close friendships and then ‘discarding’ them and making new ones is normal, or am I a sociopath?!

Friends for a lifetime, a season or a reason

I believe people come into your life for different reasons, seasons, or lifetimes.
I have made a lot of people that I grew close to through work etc, then move on. When I randomly bump into these people we chat forever. Might swap updated numbers and send an odd text, nothing deeper.
I have a group of friends over 30 years, we meet as a group once or twice a year.
I don’t have a best friend but I am very close to my sisters.

You just have a lot of situational friends. It's a habit you've formed.

I’m like this. Also a teacher. I do have a few close friends from sixth form I have remained friends with but otherwise have tended to make situational friends at wherever I am working and then drift from them quickly once I move on, even though the friendships feel close at the time. I have autism and ADHD and am bad at staying in touch with people which I think is part of it, it’s easier to maintain friendships with people I see at work or a hobby etc without needing to arrange to see them specifically and then I end up socialising with them more out of work because I know we don’t need to catch up first and so it feels easier to arrange meet ups than it does with some of my long distance friends.

I do this. I've not kept in touch with anyone from when I was younger and have very few friends. I always put it down to having gone to six different schools and never really making friends as a child.
I also went through csa from a young age so was withdrawn due to that. It has coloured a lot of my adult life.

all ill say is if you ghost a work colleague that has took the time to build what they thought was a mutual friendship then be honest about why you ghosted them, @BarbaraVineFan because it does not help when they eg ask if its ok to be friends and chat etc and get told yes a couple of times so theres no miss communication to then get shafted even when they said it was ok to carry on the friendship

yes people change there minds that i understand

@TheMerryJokeri have never ghosted anyone! More that the friendships have kind of tailed off mutually.

I've been like this until recently. It's part laziness and part feeling that people didn't really want to be friends with me and only spoke to me because they sat next to me at work or because they were friends with my ex husband.

I'm autistic

This is absolutely me too!

I've had good friendships in every job and also from uni (mature students), but don't see any of them now!
Each time I've expected to, but life just gets in the way and time passes (I don't think they've made any more effort than me either)!
I still have friends from primary school though 🤷🏼‍♀️

just before we parted as work collegues i specifically asked if it was ok to carry on the friendship.

Backstory on the origins of the friendship
all texts were civil and all texts i would have been willing to explain to our manager and even stand in the office and read them all out if needed i kept all communications above board,

then every few weeks when beginning the friendship i asked specifically if it was ok to text then couple weeks after i asked again because then they would know what i text about and how often i text etc

they could have said the texts are to many etc

then when our roles parted ways to different jobs i asked if it was ok to still text and be friends got told yes and then sent a have a good weekend as to a few people i do the weekly have a good weekend etc as it keeps communications open and we can randomly chat with anyone that wants to,

then the following week blocked, no reason no response as to why

basically it seems for one reason or another i got shafted

I'm completely baffled by this post.
You've described the way you behave in social situations. That's what works for you and your lifestyle, where you have a lot of social interactions at work.
Why on earth should you be a sociopath/ autistic/ neurodivergent or even shallow?
It' s your personality and there's nothing wrong with it!
Celebrate the person you are.

I don’t think it’s unusual or cold at all and there’s nothing wrong with it 😊

I’m quite the oddball in that I am naturally introverted but I seem to attract friends easily as I’m a good listener and open-minded (not trying to be boastful).
I find it hard to stay in touch with so many different groups in addition to the demands of being a parent and working full time and trying to spend time with partner and family.
So I am quite select with how I spend my free time now which may sound cold, but it’s how life is and let’s face it, we are free to choose!

Friends can be for a reason or season, rarely for a lifetime.
I am best mates with 2 of my primary school friends, 1 other from high school, but apart from that I only have DDs friends mums and a colleague. I have had to back away from friendships recently as we didn’t have much in common anymore.
I’ve not stayed in touch with anyone from uni, college or old jobs apart from occasional messaging. Occasionally I’ll bump in to someone and we will be friendly but I don’t have time for more friends.
You may be similar OP.
It does show that you can get on with people easily and make friends anywhere; which is a gift!

Oh I’m the same and I feel I have really intense friendships that then fizzle out but my 2 from uni well well they live a bit far apart anyway but still close on a way even though we don’t see each other much but still find them easy to talk to and they know me so well.
it is hard for me to socialize sometimes I like being on my own.
i suspected autistic and adhd and im middle of diagnosis process

I have friends from primary school, secondary school, toddler groups 25 years ago and also friends I met at my gym who I probably won’t stay in touch with if I move or change gyms.

I think it’s pretty normal to retain some friends and lose some for whatever reason.

Sociopath.

Personally I think we have friendships for a period of time sometimes.

ie, work colleagues, but you change job, drift away etc. neighbours, you move, same thing. You don’t see them regularly anymore and they fall out of your friendship circle. A hobby, but you no longer go etc etc.

I think it’s fine, and if a friendship is to last, changing job, moving etc will not stop you being friends.

I think this is just part of life and doesn’t need a label attaching to it.

yanbu

I think this is pretty normal - I’m the same.

I have a group of friends I went to school with who I see maybe 4 times a year and share WhatsApp’s with, and loads of friends I’ve not kept in touch with over the years that I met through work or school (ie. Mum friends) that at one time I felt very close to as we saw one another every day and shared intimate details
of our life.

Then you leave that job/school and never see/hear from them again!

Life is busy and I only have enough mental space for a certain number of people - I also get overwhelmed. Im not particularly sociable and prefer spending time with dh and dc’s and just seeing my friends every now and again.

Most people who have loads of “friends” probably aren’t that close one on one but like to have a busy social life - I’m not bothered about that.

There really is a huge trend nowadays for labelling yourself isn’t there?

If you’re a sociopath OP, so are most people I would think!

I am exactly the same as you OP - also a teacher, and recently diagnosed autistic and ADHD.

I’m not like this and have friends from many stages of my life (I’m 50). But I am pretty sociable snd very good at keeping in touch - just comes naturally and not an effort for me.

but some of my friends are like this and are perfectly happy. We work together and are pretty close but I know when she moves, that’ll be it. She’s happily married and honestly not bothered about anyone much apart from him so although she sees family and friends when they’re local, it’s not a v deep connection. That’s how I understand it and she seems very happy.

I'm like this too. I struggle to maintain friends and keep momentum going. I only have a couple of friends but nothing frequent.
I can make friends quickly but then as soon as a circumstance changes the friendship goes and not maintained. Like I've bonded someone before over setting them up with another friend but then they both just ignored me after, or I had another friend that we both hated our jobs, then they left and we didn't keep in touch. Frustrating and feels like a waste of time a lot.

My closest friends are 1 friend from school, 1 friend from college, 1 friend I met in the period after uni and before property work. Plus about 5 others, we don't live near each other.

I think you naturally join groups or activities for a time then some of you stay in touch. I also think it's healthy to mix with different people regularly.