My DS cheated on his girlfriend in my home

[ErsBears]

Hi, so DH and I were away staying with friends over new year, DS’s girlfriend had gone back to her home country to see her family and DS couldn’t as he had to work so I asked if he would be okay staying at ours to watch the dog, he said sure.
DH and I came home early as one of our friends has fallen ill and wanted some space, we went for dinner first then got a train and cab home at about 11:30pm. I didn’t pre warn DS as I didn’t really see the need to. When we got home he was in his room so I didn’t bother him but then DH realised we had no milk, nothing for breakfast and DH had a headache so needed some paracetamol. We have a 24 hour shop within driving distance and both DH and I had been drinking so I went to ask DS if he would mind popping out. I could see his light was on and hear the tv so knew he was awake. When I knocked on the door the first thing I heard was a girls voice saying “is that your mum”. He came the door in his boxers and asked why we were back early, I explained he told me he’d been drinking so couldn’t. Fine. I asked if his girlfriend was back early (I knew it wasn’t her as his girlfriend has a very identifying accent and it was clearly an English accent I heard).

Anyway he admitted he had someone else over, I told him that she had to leave, he booked her a cab and she left. I made it clear to him that either he tells his girlfriend tomorrow or as soon as she is back or I will tell her, I do not condone cheating. He tried to tell me he didn’t sleep with her but when I pointed out he was only in boxers he admitted he was lying. He said he would tell her but they have a holiday booked for next week (she gets back on Sunday, they fly out on Monday).

For context he’s 28, his girlfriend is 25 and they’ve been together for 2 years, they don’t live together but she owns a flat and he was meant to be moving in this year.

AIBU to be bloody raging and so disappointed that this is the man I raised? I am disgusted that he cheated and I think he needs to tell her before the holiday. We are meant to be picking them up on Monday morning to take them to the airport as it’s an early flight. I don’t think I can sit with her in the car and send her off on holiday with him knowing what he has done!

This wasnt a drunken mistake, your son downloaded a dating app , he knew exactly what he was doing. It was planned which makes it even worse. He wouldn't be doing that if he wanted to marry her, I think the engagement ring is a lie to get you to back off.

He has put you in a terrible position. As someone who was cheated on by an ex who gave me not 1 but 2 STDs, I wish someone had told me.

You obviously haven't read all of the OP's responses. It's clear that there's no open relationship.

😂 and as I say you are totally wrong

You’ve changed your tune though. You blamed the mum instead of the disrespectful son and no amount of 😂 will change that.

My New Year's resolution is to stop interacting with incels masquerading as women on Mumsnet.

Every single time there's a thread mentioning male infidelity, we have one or more men swaggering in (usually with a name that they imagine to be ultra-feminine) lecturing women on why it's all the fault of women for failing to understand or to meet their needs.

Or dare to even open their own front door and go into their own house without a 6 hour warning. 🤦‍♀️

Read the OP!

Or you could put your money where your mouth is and just explain why a woman going into her own house is somehow disrespectful.

Its none of your business OP and throwing the poor girl out on NY is unfair on her she probably didn't know he had a girlfriend. I am not condoning his behaviour but he is an adult.........

We've all read the OP. You must be one of those masquerading types PP mentioned Your initial post in particular was laughable.

She was given a taxi home. Possibly a bit embarrassing for the girl, but the OP insisted on making sure that the she got home safely.

I don't think people should be expected to give a revised ETA of arrival at their own home or to somehow anticipate that a (very much adult, over the mythic undeveloped brain age of 25) son has decided to combine dogsitting with using his parents home to cheat on his girlfriend.

@ErsBears I'd assume that the downloaded dating app 'that morning' is a lie, I'm afraid, not that it makes it much better if true. The engagement ring also.

They called for a cab and paid for it. Noone was "thrown out". What should they have done, made her breakfast? Jesus!

Who should carry out his cheating in his own house and not the house belonging to his parents. I don’t know why you think people should put up with random strangers having sex in their home.

What are you smoking?

Ha, takes me back to a man I had quite recently started a relationship with, who told me not to contact him on a particular weekend because his ex girlfriend would be visiting. Only she didn't know yet that she was his ex girlfriend, and he wanted to have a nice weekend with her before mentioning it.
It's a rotten way to treat someone who trusts you and is planning to move in together, and I think in your case, knowing the person concerned and being fond of her, I would tell her in the next day or so if your son refuses to. If you threaten to do that, he probably will get in with the news first. Then she can decide what to do.

And prompted her son, who seemed annoyed at having to pay for a cab, to message her to confirm she arrived home safely. OP is taking better care of the women in her son's life than he is.

Nope you said the following and I am telling you you are wrong😂

« I think what you’re saying here is that no one should ever trust you to look after their home because you might use it as a den of iniquity because you have no moral compass. Could be wrong but I doubt it »

It was the second, not new year?
And what was I meant to do? Let her stay? Whilst his girlfriend was sending pictures in our group chat? Irrespective of DS I have morals and I’d never do that!
I also don’t let any stranger stay in my house regardless of if they are having sex with my son or not!

This is good advice.

It's very heartening to hear from a mother who holds her adult son accountable for his behaviour. Sorry this has happened OP 💐

Oh op you need to back off and myob. He may be in a houseshare but kids do tend to view the family home as home until they move in with a dp to a permanent residence.

Cheating is of course terrible but he's an adult. You've made yourself clear on what you think. Leave him to it and stop being so nosey.

Did you really not have any paracetamol in the house?!

It isn't at all, it's built on the flimsiest of analogies and ignores the fact that the girlfriend's health has been risked also. The OP obviously feels a responsibility due to both her son and his girlfriend who is clearly considered a part of the family.

Its absolute disgusting the way people are framing it as some kind of disloyalty to her son. He is the disloyal one.

Yes you should have let her stay and got him to get rid in the morning.
Next time let him know you're returning and he might have even got some milk in .

She had an abundance of paracetamol, it was all a ruse to catch her son in the act.

He would have gotten away with too, if it wasn't for his pesky mother (insert Scooby Doo gif)