To feel I’ll never conquer my messiness?

[Manifestingapersonalitychange]

On the face of it, I’m an intelligent, responsible parent and professional with a successful career.

but my home is a disaster zone. I can never get on top of housework or clutter.

I suspect I have ADHD ( have 1 ND DC) which may explain it.

im just so sick of living in chaos, but don’t know if I’ll ever change - am now in 40’s and feel like I still live like a messy student. It’s got to the point that I have to invite people to my home to spark a clear up.

id love to be able to invite people round on a whim, but if im not expecting guests, my home is a tip!

AIBU to just give up and accept this?

or could I do something that will change me?

Clutter is the killer because you cannot clean around it and it makes the place untidy

decutter and have 50% less stuff.
I was a very messy child and have come a tidy adult

empty all drawers and be ruthless. If you don’t need in the foreseeable future chuck it -or if it’s less than a £1 to replace- chuck it. Keep a memory box for precious artefacts but once it’s full it’s full!

Once you’ve done this Everything needs a home that’s is not in the floor or on a surface.

Next a clutter system. Everyone needs a space to put things that get left about, letters, diary, hand cream, lip balm, scrunchies, puzzle books, totes and so on. So everyone has a drawer and the house has a drawer too for bills and so on.

I find it difficult to concentrate. I don’t think I am ADHD but have suspected it. I am on mounjaro since January and have notice that increased ability to move more helps with keeping tidy!

have some very simple daily routines in the before work load or unload the dishwasher. Before bed I clean the kitchen pots and surfaces only.

I think having less stuff is key to this. Decluttering and not buying unless you really need it. I know it's hard particularly with DC.

It can feel overwhelming. Could you try doing one room/part of a room a day?

I know some advocate getting more storage but for me I think I'd keep more stuff if I didn't see it

I'm doing my kitchen today because we are having a new one soon.

Okay, today I am sorting out the bag of party stuff that has been in my kitchen since my daughter's birthday in August. I am not going to keep the half sets of themed plates!

What one thing are others going to tackle today x

I'm awaiting assessment for adhd and asd. In no particular order the following has helped:

• I read Marie Kondos life changing magic of tidying. It really helped to get on top of decluttering.
• don't start decluttering until you have an exit strategy. So do you have big bin bags? Can you take the clothes to the nearest recycling point without too much fuss.
• are there any car boot sales coming up? That motivated me to a rather large extent.
• a cleaner slows the build up of stuff because you have to tidy for her
• the organised mum really does help with the little and often approach
• we have laundry baskets in the bedrooms and by the bathroom.
• I sort the washing by person (though all our pants and socks are washed separately
• one load of washing a day, and put the dry stuff away one load at a time is a lot less overwhelming

Yeah I am the same but I live alone and don’t invite anyone round!

I am much the same and also on a list for ADHD diagnoses -

I'm about 10 years older than you and it has got better in the last 10 years.

Things that made a difference

Get a cleaner (you will never regret this and you will wonder why the fuck you didn't do it earlier)

Gradually reduce your stuff as much as you can - have a bin by the door for stuff to go (this is key, most of us have way too much shit)

Get open storage - shoes into baskets etc - it's much easier to tidy if you just chuck something in rather than put it away. Keep storage max 70% full

Tidy in short bursts - don't say I'm going to tidy the kitchen this morning - say I'm going to tidy for 20 mins, set the timer, and when you're done you're done.

Automate your systems as much as you can - eg dishwasher goes off after dinner, and unloaded before breakfast etc

Meds can be helpful but they aren't going to change your entire personality

I’ve worked out that the more full, busy and or chaotic my life, the less able I am to keep my house tidy. It’s like I only have so much brain capacity to deal with stuff, and tidyness/organisation isn’t as necessary as getting meals on the table or kids to school. It’s not always time, it’s definitely the amount of thinking that is filling up my brain.

When my life is in a rush, my brain is in a rush - it’s more important to get out the door, than put something in its place, even if it’s only an extra arms reach away.
It feels rush, rush, rush - even when it’s not.

I think the only time I’ve been able to be tidy and organised was pre children and post them moving out.

Living on my own has been bliss, but I’ve had a busy Xmas and new year, and tidiness has gone out the window.

I could have written this myself quite easily. I have tried so many times to get this under control. Just so you feel less alone, I'm sat next to a side table (a really small one) which currently holds, my cup of tea, two mismatched wine glasses, from different meals, a bottle of Baileys from NYE, a banana skin, a champagne cork and cage, a packet of jaffa cakes, some deodorant, a nit spray, some homemade jam which was a gift, and Marshall in his fire truck.Until I properly looked, it was pretty much invisible to me.

I am a well respected professional, and I absolutely live in fear of anyone finding out what my house is like. I've desperately tried to get it sorted for my children, but them coming along just added to the mess (and the masses of stuff!!).

I suspect that I have ADHD, although any time I've mentioned this to my family, it's laughed off as I'm too lazy for that.

I really really recommend listening to A slob comes clean podcast with Dana K White. It makes me feel so much less alone, because honestly, I really thought this was just a me issue. I've been listening for a while, and it really helps me. But I think to me, her process of starting with just your dishes feels like it's too easy. And it's not a quick fix. And so I never really give it a proper shot.

I'm determined that this year will be different, but quite honestly, I expect to be saying the exact same thing next year.

Thanks for all the posts and solidarity!

I think the key thing that I can do is have less stuff. I’m going to start clearing out and reduce the crap in my home by about 60%. I hate throwing things out, but can never find things so end up with multiple bottle openers, hair brushes etc. etc.

I will update with my progress - does anyone want to join the New Year clear out?

I would love to join you op and could have written your post.
De-christmassing today! 🙌

Get a diagnosis and get on the Tyvanse. Best thing ever.

My house is a bit of a tip. I honestly don't really notice it most of the time. I did a tidy up for Christmas, and I see a huge difference, but as the mess builds up I don't really see it. Untidiness doesn't bother me, as long as it's clean.

Do you have a specific home for every single thing you own? I’m diagnosed adhd and this (and the meds) helped me so much. So I know where something should be even if it’s not currently in its proper place. This means when I do tidy I don’t waste time thinking “where would I put this” and simply moving clutter from one space to another.

so I’d one bottle opener that lives in slot x in my cutlery drawer. Or in the “big utensils and bottle opener” drawer.
inhave one hairbrush upstairs by my hair drier, one on the mantelpiece by the door, and one in my car.

Are GPs the best way to get a diagnosis?

I have found my tribe. Mid 40s, awaiting ADHD assessment via GP and Right to Choose, as would like to try medication and have heard this is the best route (private is quicker, and obviously you pay for it, but accessing meds at an affordable cost can be more challenging in my area). Current wait list for assessments is around 12 months where I live.

I really like Remi Clog's decluttering and cleaning videos. She's from a family of ND people and is so knowledgeable, kind and relatable (and British).

Having a cleaner come for 2hrs every week has been the biggest help with regards to my household mess (she just does downstairs) and therefore mental health.

Some great tips on here! I'm up for a January Declutter Solidarity Thread! (I need to tackle all the units full of shite in the living room before the decorators come first week of Feb!).

If anybody would like to PM me with a view to setting up a group or even just a support phone call or video call, I’d be more than happy for that.

Support from people who are in the same situation matters a lot and even having someone on a call while you do some of the tasks that need to be done can help.

If you look on Instagram, there is a useful poster who post something along the lines of “my ADHD adventure” and there are some good points there. Although I am diagnosed, this was with a private psychiatrist and I am not on medication and I will not be going on medication, for several reasons.

This is an enduring and deep seated problem for me and the OP could almost have been me. It understandably strikes occurred with other people, too.

Best wishes

Master bedroom disaster for accountability.

You have to get your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist. They are inundated with requests like this now and there is an extraordinary long waiting list, even for private diagnoses. If you’re diagnosed privately, as I was, you still have to have an NHS diagnosis to go on NHS medication. After that, you have to titrate the medication and get it to the right levels for you.

there are people who are naturally tidy and for whom it comes as no great effort, which obviously seems bizarre to us. In , I know one person who actively likes clearing up other peoples mess. If you can find a good friend or acquaintance or someone locally who can help you that does make a world of difference

That’s nothing. You can see the floor.

@HoppityBunI love that!
Cheered me no end.

I know it’s not the recommended way to go about things but this time I have challenged myself to actually sell everything I possibly can.
My brain enjoys targets even when rather pointless.
I also dislike waste to irrational levels (especially given I need to stop buying more)

Trying the World of Books app for the first time which is great so far and steady stream uploading to Vinted.

I suspect I have ADHD - I don’t live in chaos mainly due to a very tidy husband but my bedside table is definitely messier. Things that help me:

• Good storage - we bought a shoe rack to stop shoes cluttering up the hallway and now they have a place to go. We had a white box in our kitchen where we put the car keys, house keys etc so we know where they are.
• Do it now - don’t always succeed but putting away washing as soon as it’s ready to be put away.
• Just reducing the amount of stuff so selling books that I won’t read again, sorting toddler’s clothes out and donating things she’s outgrown etc.

Same.

The only thing that help are (1) taking ADHD meds and (2) rewarding myself every time I do some housework.

That's after you've decluttered right? 😉

This is absolutely me, and I really struggle. However the thing's I have found helps, is to be absolutely ruthless in throwing things away, I became a bit of a hoarder of clutter. The lounge must be tidy, and minimalistic or I get extremely overwhelmed. Medication has been a life saver for me, it's completely changed how I live, I still have to be aware of keeping on top of things but my thoughts feel more organised to then deal with organising