Not invited to events with siblings and parent

[thefrugaldime]

I'll keep this brief but I'd value feedback- if you were continuously not invited to events that your mum and siblings had arranged how would you feel? Am I unreasonable to feel hurt?

Have you spoken to them about it?

Depends entirely upon the context of the relationship and baffling that you don’t seem to think relevant

I wouldn’t invite an unpleasant, cruel, judgemental person to a social event, for example, irrespective of whether they were a sibling or not.

YANBU.
But depends a bit on context. Does one of you have kids and not the other and events are kid focussed/not? Is it something you have expressed not having an interest in or a special interest of theirs?
I am at the stage of life where my sibling and I quite often do separate events and even holidays with my parents. I have young kids and the things they are interested in (expensive meals and wine) aren’t something I can partake in at this stage of my life.

Yes I have spoken to them. Events are social events with cousins. We each have 2 children.

Do you organise and invite/host them ?

Have you challenged them about this? What reason do they give?

I should mention that I don't think it's unreasonable for a grandparent to have time with one of their children and grandchildren but it does feel painful that all siblings are included and I'm not.

Do you genuinely have no idea why you are excluded?

Are your DC “spirited”?

My mum and sister go to loads of things together and don’t invite me. It’s things they enjoying doing, eg going to gigs for bands they like or going shopping, that I can give or take.

I’ve equally been on holiday with my parents without my sibling.

To me it’s entirely normal that they’d have a relationship independent of you, and likewise you should foster a relationship with each of them independent from the others.

So without more context, I’d say it seems a normal and healthy family dynamic.

Is this where you should perhaps fess up that your children are "spirited" and you don't ever correct poor behaviour.

Or is it the case your sibling is better off than you and treats your parents but you want them to pay for you too.

Or that you don't get on with that sibling?

There are a myriad of reasons why you may not be invited so some further information may be useful.

cross post with you but my thoughts too! 🤣

So what's the issue? Any historical arguments? Disagreements? Do they like things you don't? Are the ages of the cousins very different? Over-fussiness about any thing - food, hygiene, travel?

Neurodiversity on either side?

Have you asked them why?

Yes. But I don’t live locally so have learned to accept I’m not going to be invited to everything. It’s just not practical.

It sounds like an obviously mean thing to do so there must be something more to it.

Is this multiple siblings so you are very obviously left out rather than parents just doing something with one daughter which she may well instigate/arrange/fund?

Did they treat you well as a child? Are you generally amenable and not the sort to want to completely change plans to suit you? Do you get on with siblings? Do all DC get on?

Baffling. Why haven't you asked? Or at least said you'd like to join them on a trip some time.

is distance a factor? Are child ages a factor? Who is arranging these meet ups? Is finance an issue? So many variables that could be the reason

@FerrisWheelsandLilacs as I have said it wouldn't bother me if a sibling and a parent spent time together- I would find that odd to be hurt over. It's because both siblings and not me are included

Yes but what reason do they give OP?

When you have mentioned not being invited what did they say the reason you haven't.

Have you ever said "I'd have loved to have been there, can you let me know next time you're planning to see (cousins)"?

Are you “equal adults” @thefrugaldime?
as in for activities costs/food/excursions do you all pay equally or get there under you own steam?
a babygroup mum I know has this issue with her siblings /land parents, but she’s not an equal adults. Doesn’t drive so needs collected and taken home, always forgets her purse… forgets things for the dc, and just expects her siblings and parents to carry her, but she can’t see the issue of how annoying this is!

Do both siblings live near to each other/your parents and you far away?

Are all the children compatible ages? (I wouldn't invite teens to toddler focused events or vice verse).

Have there been historical fall outs involving you, or are you the kind of person who always wants to change plans to suit you, rather than going with the flow?